Relationship He Say's He Doesn't Love Me And Wants A Divorce

[momof2]

My husband and I have been married for 10 years with two girls. He did a tour in Afghanistan in 2010 came home and started recieving help from the VA for ptsd. Wednesday night he came home and told me doesn't love me anymore he was leaving me for someone else who he now loves. Things were said and done that night and it ended in domestic violence. I did call the police but did not press charges so he wouldnt lose everything. He is now not in the home and says he wants a divorce because I'm the problem. He says he stopped taking his meds and he now says he's never felt better. We have had our issues and I'm no saint but how can you just sop loving your wife after 10 years of marriage. Could this be the ptsd?

 

[momof2]

I have also asked him to go to marriage counceling but he refuses because he says he is just done

 

[TLight]

Personally, as a sufferer, I can't really say I know, but first hunch is 'no.'
Did he say why you were the problem?

Long term relationships are hard and even more hard for sufferers, so meeting someone new and getting all those good 'love' chemicals in our brain and our hormones running again would be like a respite from ptsd. Working on a long term relationship would be stress. Of course someone might opt for the new flame. But after two or three years, he's gonna have the same problems. Same for any of us.........but the fact that you say he's off his meds with the new one could be cause they are in the honeymoon stage.

I'm so sorry. You must be completely devastated.
For me, I think ptsd sufferers are capable of doing ltr's, especially if they aren't self centered. However, for some people, ptsd or not, self centeredness is their issue and when the going gets bumpy, they move on to more gratifying ground.

Can't change him and it doesn't sound like he's willing to change, so all you can do is start healing.

I'm so sorry.

 

[franciemarnie]

PTSD never made me do anything violent to anyone. If I did act like a jerk, I took responsibility for my actions. You being the problem sounds pretty lame, and b.s. The new one will be "the problem" some day.

I wish you hadn't protected him from charges. He will keep getting away with abusive behavior without consequences. I understand why you didn't though. I protected my abuser for ages.

 

[Seaotter]

Abuse is never ok. However, I had a wonderful amazing relationship with a man who literally shut-down and numbed bc I said I loved him. He said he doesn't feel the same way as he did. I witnessed his body going rigid and his freeze mode. I know emphatically that his amygdala hijacked us but after a 6 month break and push/pull I realize there is nothing I can do about it. I need to let go, let him do whatever it is he needs to do to get well, I didn't cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it. I know he cares despite his word, but it is not enough right now. I have been hurt by him so many times in the past 6 months, I'm emotionally exhausted, and now I am letting go till he gets the help he needs. I have detached with love and by doing this I'm doing him a favor too. I am watching him unravel and sadly, so very sadly, all I can do is watch. He will not get help unless he finds it himself and in his case I think he needs to find his bottom. As for me, I am licking my wounds, still hopeful that he sees me for who I am sometime and not some angry concocted story, but if I'm still in the picture I'm the blame and he cannot focus on himself. I'm doing work on me and deciding how I am moving forward with activities and friends. Big giant hugs!!!

 

[Trici2525]

My story sounds kinda like yours... After my Husbands two tour to Iraq he let me know he was in a year long affair during his tour and he was not coming home and staying behind with her... Well fast forward 3 years divorced.... And now remarried TO EACH OTHER AGAIN he stopped drinking starting attending church and came back to me and our two children.... Things have been rocky now that a year ago he was diagnosed with PTSD ... And recently got rated 70% disabled for PTSD.... He is seeking treatment once a week through the VA... His therapist told me to stay committed because it was going to get tough... Well three months into treatment he has flushed all meds down the toilet got a combat badge tattoo placed an ARMY sticker on his truck (was anti ARMY prior) and said we fight too much have nothing in common only wants to take care of the kids and does not want to be married anymore and is now looking for his own place.... I am totally confused this Man is not my a Husband.... The VA marriage counselor says despite of his rejection that he is suffering.... I am strong in my faith and won't give up although it feels the choice has been made.


I hope you know you are not alone.. I will keep you in prayer.

 

[Fire phill]

Hi I'm new to this. My wife was diagnosed with cptsd 3 months ago. She told me she didn't love me anymore and didn't like me. We've been together 10 years married nearly 4. We had a very happy marriage. Her cptsd was caused by extreme domestic violence. I told he I wanted to be there for her.

She has just been assessed by a mental health unit and they have told her she has to wait 12 weeks before treatment it is on the NHS we are in uk.

Last week I got a letter from her solicitors saying she has filed for a divorce because of my unreasonable behaviour. I have done nothing more than be a kind loving husband. She changed overnight like a switch was flipped. We have a 10 year old girl.