Supporter Hello - New to this and looking for a place to learn & vent

[2MarblesLost]

Of course you cry alot. Your hubby has gone through a horrible trauma and it has changed both of your lives. Anyways, crying is healing in many ways. Do you have a friend or family member who you TRUST? Most people don't understand PTSD and mental illness so it can be difficult to find someone who "gets it". This is a great place to get support, factual information and ideas. Keep on reading and sharing. Hugs to you both!

Thank you

 

[LuckiLee]

Good night. Take gentle care of yourself.

 

[2MarblesLost]

And he told me to just leave

 

[2MarblesLost]

My daughter is having a hard time, so I needed to go see her. My elderly dad I wanted to see also. So I left. Will see what happens when I get back. I may be kicked out for good. I just couldn't handle any more yelling. I'm a liar, I am too friendly with strangers, I accuse him of things he didn't say.....'just leave and just stay there'

 

[2MarblesLost]

So when I mess up I own it. I told him this morning I don't understand everything he's going through. That I'm sorry. I left to see the family hugged everyone then came home to 'silent treatment' but at least no yelling.
I had some time to think. Wasn't making any deals- but simply asked God to help him, and to help me help him. I cannot give up on hubby-took too long to get him again to just brush him aside.
See, we met when we were both 14. Love at first sight- but lies separated us (and childhood stupidity. At 18 met again, but still too shy to say the words.......lost touch after I found he was getting married.
Jump 30 years later- his wife has left him-with his best friend. His daughter, who has heard stories from him about us....finds me on Facebook, gets in touch with me.....happy ending. We married 2 months later. Been married 9 1/2 years now.

 

[blackemerald1]

Scaredycat it seems like you are completely committed to this relatonship and I can see why... thank you for sharing that history with us. :)

I don't think you should consider brushing him aside that infers casting away a good man and I assume a previously good relationship (?) for no good reason.

However at the same time you cannot allow yourself to become a door mat either.

You are both adjusting to a horrible event and it would be too easy to say "it will take time" I've not noticed too much positive stuff coming from doing nothing when it comes to ptsd. That's different from not reacting to things btw.

Doing therapy along with an enormous dose of patience - from both of you - that is likely to give you both some respite. I'm glad you are willing to put in the effort to help yourselves.

:hug:

 

[LuckiLee]

We have similar backgrounds. J and I met at 14 too and reconnected 27 years later. We've been together 6 years. He's a combat veteran so had the diagnosis when we got back together. It's been a part of our relationship since the beginning. Did your guy have any other trauma prior to this event? Did he say or do any of these things before he was injured? If not, these are very early days for you and my advice would be when he's having a good day you're going to have to have a real conversation about your situation. You BOTH need to come up with a game plan!!!. Read around the supporter's threads alot of your questions will be answered for you. And ALL of us were right where you are now. With the " wtf's, wth's, I can't do this, why ME (PTSD effects the whole family), I hate him"... If it wasn't for this forum and all the skills and knowledge I've learned here??? I would have ended the relationship or been sitting in a corner having a nervous breakdown. Good luck and I hope he decides to work with you and not against you. Hugs coming your way if you need them. Good night.

 

[2MarblesLost]

Thank you both. Funny how life goes eh?
Yeah Hub can be a butt, but he's had to deal with my crazy menopause so I figure there's a place to land in there between this crazy ride we're on. I will check out the forums, and thanks again. (The door mat thing got me thinking.....don't want to be unkind but don't want to mess him up worse.

Cos I love the heck out of this guy!

 

[2MarblesLost]

I have been looking through this subject. found some good information-just wanted to say thank you!