Here's What Not To Say

[SydneyH]

When I tried to approach my father to ask for help and understanding, and to request information on the sexual abuse I suffered as a child, he gave the response below. His words shocked me, and caused a lot of hurt and anger.

My Dad said: "In your message to Mom you state, "He [me] still thinks I am lying.' I want to assure you that I do NOT think you are lying. From my perspective, lying requires the liar to intentionally want to deceive. I do not believe you are trying to deceive us."

Looking back on these words, which he wrote about six months ago and about a month into my recovery process, I'm amazed at how in one sentence my father says he does not think I am lying, and then in the very next sentence makes it CRYSTAL clear that he also does not think I am telling the truth. What a mindf*** that is. My relationship with him in a nutshell.

 

[BloomInWinter]

(((((Sydney)))))

 

[Deleted member 1860]

He is toxic.

You want certain things from him, but it seems that you're never going to get them. Maybe it's time to accept his flaws and move on to more supportive people rather than taking on more pain due to his inability to support you.

 

[Srain]

It can be so hard with family, wanting simply support and getting raw disappointment in return. I'm sorry.

((((((Sydney)))))

 

[Cassandra King]

:( Seems like he doesn't want to come to terms with what happend. So yeah, I would just move on like scaredoflonely said. It has to be hard because he is your father but if he isn't going to act like one then perhaps he shouldn't get to be in your life.

 

[SydneyH]

He is toxic

Such a good way to put it, ScaredOfLonely. Thank you.

I need to keep way from toxic things and people. So I will keep it very "surface" and just talk about the weather and football. Maybe I should shut him out of everything like Cassandra King says -- I have definitely thought hard about doing so. As of now, I am not ready to do it. Thank you so much for the support!

I'll write more about my Mom's bizarre email to me yesterday at some point after I get some sleep. Wishing you all well. Thanks again.