Sufferer Hi, Child Abuse Survivor And Really Struggling Now

[Ice_Fire]

Hi,

Some of you guys might know me already from the SA forum.
I was abused from the ages of 4-12 by my parents and various 'family friends'. It was pretty much every type of abuse, physical, sexual, emotional, neglect. It's all been bothering me more and more recently.

It gets a bit more complicated as I'm thankfully not living with my parents still, but I am in regular contact with my dad. They're both deaf and I end up being the 'free interpreter' and I don't know how to get out of it without upsetting my entire family.

I've been struggling with what have been described as "post traumatic symptoms". I haven't been formally diagnosed by a psychiatrist, but my GP and Community Psych Nurse are sure I have PTSD, as well as my counselor. It makes sense to me. Which is why I put sufferer, because I've pretty much been diagnosed....

I've had such lovely support from the people on the other forum, I'm glad to be here too.

 

[Jen93]

Welcome to the forum! It is a very supportive and helpful resource, and there are many people here who can help and offer support.

I read your post, and I was just wondering, is your relationship with your father strained at all? Does he still make you scared or are you anxious around him? Do you get flashbacks when you see him or think of him?

It gets a bit more complicated as I'm thankfully not living with my parents still, but I am in regular contact with my dad. They're both deaf and I end up being the 'free interpreter' and I don't know how to get out of it without upsetting my entire family.

I'm hard of hearing and it is true that the DHH (Deaf and Hard of Hearing) Community does have to rely on people to help to communicate. As much as you'd like to help your parents though, it isn't worth any emotional stress if it heightens your anxiety seeing them now. It may actually make things worse. Do you have a relative, like a cousin who is mutual on both the side of your parents and you, that can act as an interpreter instead? You can make excuses, like "I'm having a really rough week at work" or "I'm visiting my best friend out of town for the weekend." until they get the point. Little white lies never hurt anybody, and in your case, it may lessen stress.

Your health is your priority.

Welcome again to the forum.

Jen.

 

[Ice_Fire]

I read your post, and I was just wondering, is your relationship with your father strained at all? Does he still make you scared or are you anxious around him? Do you get flashbacks when you see him or think of him?

Strained?! :laugh: erm, yes lol, unfortunately. Whenever I see him, I find it so hard to keep eye contact because when I look at him I just see that time he raped me. The horrible look on his face. :( But it's all hush hush...when he's here, we just carry on as if nothing ever happened because of my Gran and well, I guess it suits him to be pleasant to me.

It may actually make things worse. Do you have a relative, like a cousin who is mutual on both the side of your parents and you, that can act as an interpreter instead?

I'm the only person in my family who is hearing and can sign fluently, nobody else can be bothered to learn and have too little to do with any of my immediate family for me to be able to call on their help.

until they get the point. Little white lies never hurt anybody, and in your case, it may lessen stress.

I have tried to do that in the past, however after a short amount of time, my Gran, who doesn't know the whole story and I can't bring myself to tell her, asks me why I'm avoiding them and doing the whole "they're disabled, it's not their fault" speech. I feel trapped by my situation. I just wish I had the guts to tell Gran and to tell mum and dad to get stuffed. For now though, I will go back to the odd white lie ;) thank you.

Your health is your priority.

Thank you for this. I know it should be, I just need to keep telling myself to put myself first and not feel guilty for it...easier said than done, but thanks again. :)

 

[marineth]

Hi,
I was abused from the ages of 4-12 by my parents and various 'family friends'. It was pretty much every type of abuse, physical, sexual, emotional, neglect.

They're both deaf and I end up being the 'free interpreter' and I don't know how to get out of it without upsetting my entire family.

Hi, I am brand new on this forum, opened up an account today. My name is maribeth.

My history is riddled with the chidhood abuses you discribe as well.

I know a bit of sign and was close friends with a deaf woman and her family, went out with a hearing individual of a deaf family, he too was the " free interpreter". Feel free to contact me anytime.
sincerely,
maribeth

 

[bitzer]

I am in regular contact with my dad ... and I don't know how to get out of it without upsetting my entire family.

It took me many, many years to realise that my family's definition of love is I give and they take. They took my innocence, my childhood, and pretty much screwed up the whole of my life.

And it frustrates me that, despite hundreds of hours of therapy, I still can't afford to be around my family. My father is long dead and my mother is senile, but they are alive and well inside my head and inside the heads of my sisters. Somehow this gives my sisters the ability to push my buttons at will. Aaaarrrrggghhh!

You wouldn't believe ... You, of all people, probably would believe just how entitled my family members feel to use me and abuse me.

And how offended they were when I finally walked away. I felt so guilty, but I had to protect myself. I feel I owe it to myself to keep away from these toxic people that make me feel so bad.

 

[Ice_Fire]

It took me many, many years to realise that my family's definition of love is I give and they take. They took my innocence, my childhood, and pretty much screwed up the whole of my life.

This is exactly how I feel. I'm just a useful tool to them and I'm sick of it.

You wouldn't believe ... You, of all people, probably would believe just how entitled my family members feel to use me and abuse me.

Yes, I know precisely how unbelievably hard done by they feel if I so much as mildly attempt to stand up to them.

I feel I owe it to myself to keep away from these toxic people that make me feel so bad.

I need to do the same. I just wish I could build up the courage to do it.

Thank you for your replies

 

[a3a2]

He raped you. You don't owe him anything. Not free interpretting. Nothing. This is just manipulation on his part. Somehow you have got to make a break. Are you in counseling?

 

[Ice_Fire]

:( yes he did and I know you are right.

The only way I can make the break is by telling my Gran. How do you tell someone that their son did that?

Yes I'm in counseling. I wish my T could wave a magic wand and sort it, but ultimately I've got to get them out of my life.