Hi Everyone - PTSD Due To Mental Abuse

[blackpearl]

I'm a Ptsd sufferer. It toke several years for me before I got diagnosed and at the mean time I've struggled just to make through the day. That gave me only more to deal with upon what I already had to. I guess I'm one of all those who has not been taken seariously and forced to go through a worser hell than nessecary. For that sake I got a lot more to work on concerning my anger and emotions. It feels like it somehow never let it's grip of me.

I still have troubles to put all that I've been trough straight and in a cronological order. But I believe the worst is over. Yet I still remember the heavy nightmares, odd visions like big spider on the wall during sleep, totally uncontrolled furious behavior for no reason etc. as it was yesterday. I fight to keep the distance to my fear and anger daily at times I interact with people. I'm also mentally tired most of the time, tho I try to be more physically active those days I have enough strength over to it.

I have trouble expressing my emotions to people I don't know, if I do it's mostly acting. I got to come over this somehow, I'm so tired after five years of total isolation. My experience is that I only get more trouble because "ordinary people" do not understand how this works or what this kind of fury is about... it's a negative circle.

I'm sure I can lern from you others. At least I hope so.

But please have patince with my english. I'll try to change my editor to english until next.

Greetings,
Blackpearl

 

[blackpearl]

I forgot to tell you that my Ptsd is about mental abuse since childhood and other incidents at grown up age as fire accident and so on.

 

[kers]

Welcome to the forum.

 

[blackpearl]

Thank you.

I'm sorry that I missed to mention what my Ptsd is about. I have some problems with memory and keeping concentration.

 

[Frog]

Hi blackpearl,

I have had PTSD for many years and have not yet been given a formal diagnosis which means I, like you, have not only struggled get through each day but suffered a lot more - I feel - unnecessarily. I find it an extra burden not having professional support and am so afraid of where that will take me. I have `not been taken seariously' - laughed at for supposedly being `overemotional'.. when I seriously cannot cope. Like you, I have the added burden of coping and working on my anger and emotions more as it it is a relentless torture that grips me like a vice.. I have nightmares, suffer debilitating migraines and have trouble getting clear in my mind on any given day.

It's odd you mention the visions about a big spider - I get this a lot - I believe I know what it is psychologically that is going on when this happens, but I am sick of it! My anger is something I didn't believe in to begin with, because I was always a quiet, shy personality.. never `out there' in anyway but have over the last few months, as I could not suppress the emotions any more and control them as efficiently as I used to, now when the pain is too much it expresses itself and boils up as anger - to this end I have to distance myself from people, rather than just disassociating and withdrawing, I do this because I do not think it is fair to offload on other people and it is naturally very antisocial. This is about you, but I have responded with my experiences so that you maybe know and feel you are less alone. I read other people's posts and I would like to say I feel less alone but I don't, but it is useful to read others experiences to process it on whatever emotional level I can and hope this site will in the longer term help me, likewise you - I pray..

I am sorry to hear that you have trouble expressing your emotions - I too, to people I don't know, if I do it's mostly acting. I got to come over this somehow, I'm so weary and after many years of complete isolation I am still finding that it is difficult to reach out and connect with people - they cut me off or don't fully let me integrate because they sense I have things I am dealing with.. some people I meet who do this lack compassion and just don't care, some just don't understand as you say because it is not within their experience and some just don't want to, because they are happy and don't want what they often wrongly interpret as negativity seeping in to their lives. I don't feel any ill feelings towards these people, but the ostracising causes me intense despair.

I hope like you to keep learning about myself and hope that others experiences will inform my development. You have done so well to join and post on here. I hope you gain everything you need to heal from being a member in this community.

Don't worry about your English - it is beyond anything in terms of my command of a foreign language..

Thank you for sharing.

 

[blackpearl]

Hi Frog,

Yes, it's tough indeed.
No I actually don't feel alone in that way, when I see forums for sufferers. Otherwise this illness surely gives you the isolated feeling within, mostly because each experience is individual. It takes time before one are ready to handle with the very bottom of oneself with emptiness and just give up fighting it. I've learned that when I don't fight it I beat it. One have to give in to the pain, but as you know it takes time, how long depending to...

No, people have to know what fear and pain really is. I thought I knew before I got my Ptsd debut. *lol* (ironic)

I believe we naturally do learn more of our selves if we are willing to do so. But I don't know about those who has TBI, then it's perhaps too late to heal in a natural way. But as long as it's about Ptsd I think much is possible to overcome. One must have the strength to deal physical as mentally with enormous stress that is related to it.

Thank you, for your reply. I recognize the most of Your experiences. I hope you will get to a point concerning your diagnosis as well so your true healing process get started.

Greetings,
Blackpearl