How Much Contact Does Your T Allow?

[Panda Bear]

Very interesting, I think what experience is pretty similar to most of you who posted.

I see a private practice T, not a group and I'm certain that affects his ability to decide what works and doesn't. I've had varying degrees of contact over the years. From email to text, though text is often used to communicate a quick change in scheduling or something similar. There have been times he has called me when I've been in a crisis. He always texts first to ask if I'm available to talk, this after I email him letting him know the problem. When I had bad PPD, I lost it a few times and he called me to talk me down and again just recently he called after a really hard visit, but he texted first to say he was calling.

Email is common between us, I email the day before each visit to give him a scope of where I am and how I processed the prior weeks information. This has been proven to be HUGELY helpful for the both of us. We agree it should continue. Other times, I email and it's more of a 'dump' of information, If that makes sense? I generally process information and feelings after the fact and for a few days, so if it's a lot and it's stuff I wasn't able to say in session, I will write it out for him. Sometimes he responds, and other times, he does not. I don't expect a response, as I know we will discuss it later. We've talked about them and he has asked me to please share what I come across.

He does want me to contact him in some way when I'm having a crisis, he has asked me to please let him know if life ever becomes to much or if I feel like hurting mysel

Having some sort of contact has been very beneficial, but I try not to take advantage of it.

 

[Chava]

I communicate much better in writing (I actually "think" or process through writing...like things don't even make sense to myself until I write...I seriously believe it's a brain-hand connection I have relied on forever, since writing has always felt safer and I'm also a musician). Writing/e-mailing has helped a lot to share some things through writing, just so my therapist knows. Then she can bring it up and I can talk more in session or not, depending on what I need...but it helps her know where I'm at.

So the crisis or meltdown issue sometimes between sessions is one thing. But I really think I've been able to be myself easier and get to real issues because e-mail has been okay. There would really be no way for me to bring up some things...like physically impossible, mute and confused. But, having brought some stuff up in e-mail, I can talk around the edges a bit in session and also just find it healing to show up versus get ashamed, mortified, and quit.

I e-mail my therapist a lot, but the e-mails have gotten shorter...less massive globs of thought (felt guilty about that but she always reminded me it was okay). She's private practice too.

 

[Queen Boudica]

I text, phone, email. He virtually never returns emails, but I think he is so busy he doesn't read them, but I use them to vent and express feelings. He has read them before a session. Not sure all the time. I text if it is getting really urgent or bad and he has responded occasionally but if I get really bad I phone and he answers or phones me later, or I text him to please call and he does. I used to feel bad about it, but he is my only support and he has told me he doesn't mind me calling, or texting or emailing.

It has helped me trust him. And the times I have called I have really needed help and it helped. And I think with complex trauma, a good therapist would respond outside of sessions. If you are in crisis you need the person who understands your situation and who you have built a relationship, and can calm you. He is private practice. I just can't see how it would work if you can't do that. But maybe that is me.

 

[Suzetig]

@Chava I get what you mean about thinking by writing, I'm very like that and have always used my journal to process stuff - I've recently agreed it would be helpful to bring my journal to sessions and may well explore sending it to her by email ahead of time so that she knows what's coming so, I guess the way I use my therapist and out of session contact is likely to change over the next wee while.

 

[Digz]

Mine has actually varied between the Ts I've seen over time. My first private psychologist, especially during the beginning stage allowed email and some phone contact between sessions. He would reply to my questions via email regularly and was often available for crisis help. As I progressed, he reduced his availability as was fair because he wanted me to rely more on myself. My second T had no out of appointment contact, but made herself available for sooner or emergency appointments if need be. My third T had only appointments and that was it. And now I'm T shopping again... Hate finding new Ts, such a nightmare!

 

[Biz]

Current T lets me call or text between sessions (I'll generally text and set up a call; those are usually short 5-10 min.). I can email any time and she'll write some kind of response indicating it's been read but she doesn't send anything long back.

 

[barefoot]

My therapist's in private practice and I can text, phone or email between sessions.

Usually, if I email her it's because I'm giving her a heads up and trying to make myself accountable for talking about something next session. Or I'm telling her something that I've wanted to tell her in session for a while but I can't make myself actually say it in person. Like a number of other people here, I'm better with writing - it helps me to process stuff and it enables me to express things that I can't necessarily express verbally. She's actually recently encouraged me to email more because we both find it helpful - as opposed to me sitting mute in sessions unable to say things that I really do want to share with her, which is frustrating for me and which leaves her not knowing what's going on.

She often doesn't reply to the emails - or I might get a very brief acknowledgement and, yes, let's talk about this next session. But I know she always reads them. If there's anything that she wants to pick up on - because she's concerned or whatever - she'll ring me and that's generally pretty soon after I've emailed her. That hasn't happened that often but it generally freaks me out that suddenly my phone is ringing and her name is flashing - and usually it freaks me out so much that I don't answer!

We generally only phone each other if we've arranged to, which doesn't happen very often. I don't think I've ever just phoned her out of the blue. I have on occasion texted to ask if we can have a quick call and usually we have then had a call.

She keeps good boundaries and has always said that she's not a therapist who only cares for the one hour a week that you sit in her room, so she is fine for me to keep in touch if I want to and I understand that she'll always read stuff but won't necessarily respond. And I like that and find it reassuring. But I'm also mindful that it's extra stuff so I wouldn't want to exploit that and contact her all the time. I think if I did that, she might not encourage me to email her anymore ;-)

 

[sun seeker]

We haven't really talked about it, but once when I knew I was going to need extra help and said so he gave me a time to phone him in between sessions. That worked out fine. Then another time he just said to phone him whenever, and I found myself unable to. It's hard for me to reach out when in crisis to someone I know has a lot of demands on their time. Next time it comes up I'll have to clarify that.

With the last therapist I had, she said to e-mail her anytime, which I only ever did to change appointment times. Like many others, I don't want to get in the habit of calling in case I overstep what a therapist is comfortable with (I'm very sensitive to being too much for people). Then there's the whole issue of deciding when it is bad enough that I need help. I feel like I am in crisis a great deal of the time, so how do I know when a crisis has gotten to where I should ask for help? So either I hang on by the skin of my teeth and wait it out, or call a friend that I already know will tell me if it isn't a good time. I have such issues around feeling not wanted, it works much better for me if there is some definition to what others are able to offer so I'm not trying to feel it out at the same time as being in whatever crisis I am in at the time.

 

[jaccat]

I've only ever e-mailed my therapist once, to reschedule an appointment. I've never rung her. She's told me I can ring her if anything ever comes up, and she will call me back, but I think she knows I'll most likely never do that. The idea of that level of vulnerability freaks me out all by itself.

I wouldn't e-mail her, even though I find saying things in writing easier a lot of the time. She has told me she struggles with dyslexia, and she tends not to use written communication because of this. She's never told me outright not to e-mail her, but I just wouldn't. I'm not sure, if the dyslexia wasn't a factor, that I would e-mail her anyway, because of my trust issues.

 

[renee5g]

I can call whenever I need to ,during the day it can take him a while to get back to me.

 

[Deleted member 31177]

Just curious. What is your Ts contact policy between sessions? Are you allowed to Email, text or pho...

In California, USA, Psychologists (not sure about therapists) are, by law, not to talk to you at all outside of the office. You can call into the office to re-schedule or report an issue about medication and the receptionist will report it to the Psychologist, talk with the Psychiatrist and then the receptionist will get back to you if they want to see you right away, or have called in a new prescription, or want you to stop an old one, but that's it.

In one of my cases, I was misdiagnosed, on the wrong meds and my Psychologist sexually exploited me for 6 months I was so out of it (it's on another page). After reporting and he being accused by DOJ's office, and my suing him after that, I moved back home and got a Psychiatrist who I found out had an accusation for stalking a patient, next psychiatrist was perfect in every way, kept solid boundaries, kind in a not-too-personal way, desk was far away - all perfect and he was smart and empathic. All his patients loved him. After about 8 months of seeing him and feeling safe with him and 3 days after an appointment with him, he shot his wife in the head, his 7 year old daughter in the head and then himself in the head while the police were on the phone and he was telling them to come over. If you don't believe, look up "John Rivard, Psychiatrist murder suicide" in San Luis Obispo.

Anyways, I believe it's best to look to a trusted friend for help when in crices mode anyways. I don't see therapists or, well I just see the County Psychiatrist for my properly diagnosed medications now (they switch Psychiatrists all the time with the County) and pretty much keep you on the same medication. They also have nurse practitioners that, if you wanted, you can make appointments with for therapy.

 

[jacx]

I've been told by my therapist to call him if I'm in crisis. I don't see myself ever calling him.