How To Jump Off The Cliff With Someone You Barely Know?

[tphillips117]

Is there any such thing as a mental parachute? Where's the safe place to fall if it doesn't go as planned?

I'm talking about therapy. How on earth do you trust your mental health provider with your deepest, darkest secrets when you don't even trust yourself. How do you share memories, thoughts, painful recollections when you've been working so hard for years trying to hide them?

I'm not good at emotion. When I need to cry, I lock myself in the bathroom and then make excuses for my bloodshot eyes--allergies, of course. I wonder, is lack of emotion or to much emotion going to make you seem like a total "whack job" to your therapist?

Maybe I'm not ready for this.

 

[IvyMillie]

I haven't been to a therapist, but I'm someone who is really private. I think that alot of that would depend on your therapist. If that person has a disposition that enables you to be comfortable enough to divulge parts of yourself.

I would guess it will take time. During that time you can just mention more superficial things. In in time,i f you are comfortable with your therapist then you will automatically be able to share more things. Give yourself time and don't reveal too much until you are ready to. The therapist should understand that as that is their job.

Remember too that they have probably heard it all, so you won't seem like a "whack job" no matter what. You have to be able to be yourself ultimately for you to get any good out of treatment. If you aren't able to share yourself then it won't do you any good.

It might take a while to find the right therapist and I think this is probably normal. I have friends that go to therapy and from what they say the relationship they feel with that person is crucial. None of us get along with everyone so you may just have to be patient enough to find the right person.

 

[MyStarryNight]

Hey tphillips117.

I really liked your parachuting analogy. Going to therapy can feel like jumping off a cliff and sometimes I too wonder if there's a parachute strapped on somewhere or if I'm just free falling. I think the thing about therapy is that it's a process and it takes time.

The first part of therapy is all about establishing safety. Good trauma therapists know that it is hard for someone with a traumatic background to trust. Trust takes time for anyone, but especially for people with PTSD. It's okay that it takes time, in fact it's a good thing because through the process you learn how to evaluate others in your life as to whether they are safe and trustworthy people or not. Also, tphllips, you don't have to share all of your deep dark secrets at once. In fact, most therapists consider that a dangerous thing.

At one point in my therapy not too long ago my t had to slow me down because I was trying to share and work on too much at once. I've learned to try to find a working balance that allows me to share and work on stuff and yet not get completely overwhelmed and dysfunctional or dissociative.

Trauma therapists tend to call that the window of tolerance (in case you want to google it). Lastly, tphillips your t is not going to think of you as a "whak Job." Going from very little emotion to overwhelming emotion is part of having a traumatic past. I too struggle with that. It can be frustrating and overwhelming on both ends of the emotional spectrum. I'm not there yet, but I've read that as we work through trauma with a therapist we slowly learn how to better regulate our emotions and get off the emotional seesaw.

I'm sorry your having such a hard time right now tphillips. Don't give up on therapy it can make all the difference in the world if you have a good therapist, but it does take time and a lot of hard work.

<paragraph breaks inserted for readability by Nicolette>

 

[Meadowsweet]

I'm a very private person, and I have a tendency to smile and say "I'm ok, everythings fine" when I most need help.

When I've sought help from untrained people, I've been used. Or, its been when I'm in desperate need, and quite over emotional. And I've had all the "don't you ever shut up. Just let it go" kind of responses.

So when I first went to a doctor, I was really scared that they would tell me I'm an idiot and to get over it, or judge me as a bad person for not being able to cope. I was trying to think how I can explain all the stuff that goes on in my mind. I thought I would be too controlled and trying to describe the bad times, and the doctor wouldn't understand what it was like when I'm alone.

But what actually happened, is that I opened my mouth to say what was going on and I couldn't control the shaking and tears etc because it was such a release. And it was ok, nothing awful happened.

 

[tphillips117]

I have this irrational fear that if I tell a therapist about what happened to me in my past, that someone will come and take my kids away. Like seeing a therapist equals an inadaquate mother. Crazy, right?

 

[Meadowsweet]

I'm a single mother and I felt like that too. And in the UK at my assessment he did ask about my children, and asked what schools they are at and wrote that down.

Its really hard. but I recognise that if a parent is presenting with mental health issues, they have to look at the welfare of the children.

But, people who are trained in that area, can do that according to their training, and not with the prejudice of people who are ignorant of mental health issues.

 

[tphillips117]

My therapist didn't seem that interested in my kids. He did ask for names and ages but nothing more. I love my children more than anything. If I thought for a second that I were putting them at risk by seeking help. That would be the end of it for me!

 

[Meadowsweet]

Its different in different countries. But I think its a good thing in the UK.

The mental health team is made up of social workers, occupational therapists etc. Its not just children they ask about, they ask about your financial and housing situation too.

The idea is, that if your illness stops you functioning in your everyday living, they will not just treat your illness, but will offer help to get you back to a healthy standard of living.

I find looking after my house and children quite easy and its therapeutic for me. But financial and official form filling leaves me very stressed, and I just want to go back to bed and not face it. Thankfully everything is ok at the moment, but it would be nice to think if I couldn't cope, someone would help.

I think me and the mental health team are on the same side.

 

[Loloma]

Is there any such thing as a mental parachute? Where's the safe place to fall if it doesn't go as planned?

I'm talking about therapy. How on earth do you trust your mental health provider with your deepest, darkest secrets when you don't even trust yourself. How do you share memories, thoughts, painful recollections when you've been working so hard for years trying to hide them?

I can understand why you would feel that way and can only speak from my own experience. If you are coping alright it's not an option you would take. I put it off for years until I had no choice. Firstly it's not always easy to find a good therapist, and of course there is the trust issue. Also the stigma associated with mental health, how your family would react and a variety of other reasons.

With me it was a build up of pent up emotion and ongoing trauma which made me snap and end up in hospital for a long period. I used to cry when no one was around and 'control' my emotion so nobody could see it.

I guess what I am trying to say is that only you know when enough is enough. Therapists have heard it all before and they are there to help you, not judge you. Everyone handles emotion differently which they fully understand. Take care.

 

[Steveareeno]

My wife suffers from PTSD. I am going to therapy just to talk with someone about dealing with it (setting boundaries, taking care of myself, not enabling, etc.). I don't really need to go because everything he is saying I already kind of know, but it helps to have someone affirm what you are thinking. I am also going to encourage my wife to go.

I think therapy is like anything else, there is good, bad, and everything in between when it comes to therapists. What I did when calling around was ask for a free consultation. It is like an interview for a nanny. You are trusting them with something very significant and you want to see if it is a good fit before you start paying them money. That will at least weed out any that give you bad vibes. Personally, if they won't give a free consultation or a 15 minute interview, I'd pass on them unless you have a trustworthy recommendation. If you do get a consultation, write down the most important questions you have before you go in and try to stick to them. They really watch the clock!

Btw, I don't view my wife as a whack job and I am not a therapist, so your therapist won't either.

 

[anthony]

I'm talking about therapy. How on earth do you trust your mental health provider with your deepest, darkest secrets when you don't even trust yourself.

Any professional worth their salt is not going to cringe or hurt you when divulging your secrets. They also shouldn't judge you. They are there to listen and guide you towards your own answers, often of which you cannot pinpoint due to trauma sending you round in circles.

It comes back to trust. You either take the leap or you don't... but at the end of the day, if you want to get better then you need to trust someone.

 

[Nicolette]

It comes back to trust. You either take the leap or you don't... but at the end of the day, if you want to get better then you need to trust someone.

Tphillips117 I had to go and see a new medical practitioner today in a field where I was violated and traumatized. I took the leap, told her I'd had a couple of bad experiences, didn't like taking my clothes completely off and was honest with her. She thanked me as she said it helped her treat me right and she also then made me feel very appreciated for sharing my 'secrets', let me know I could draw a boundary with her at any time and she treated me with the utmost respect.

Like Anthony said ...

Any professional worth their salt is not going to cringe or hurt you when divulging your secrets. They also shouldn't judge you.

I know it's not a therapist but I had to divulge things of such a nature to explain why I wouldn't take my clothes completely off until I had trust in her. Even though my abusers were male, so far, life has taught me that X + Y = getting hurt and one of the two factors applied again be it the X or the Y. The reality also is that she is not any of those people and if I want help I'm not going to get the best if I don't provide all the necessary information which is relevant- same principal IMHO.