How To Open Up?

[FunkyMonkey]

So I'm 18, and I'm pretty pathetic lol... Never had a girlfriend (almost did, but my friends stabbed me in the back with the one girl I actually liked, someone who understood me), and not many friends.

I moved down to a new area a while back, and I met a couple people and I became friends with them over the months, and now I live with one of them. Problem is, I still can't open up to them, no matter how hard I try... and I know its frustrating for them, especially the girl who took me in because she'll sit there and talk an talk to me, yet I never have much to say.

Recently I've managed to have somewhat of a breakthrough though, I can actually have a conversation with her (after sleeping in her house and hanging out with her all the time). And big groups?? Let me put it this way, I was called a creeper by someone I didn't know (I only knew a couple of them) because all I did was stay back and constantly smoke cigarettes (helps me avoid panic attacks, big groups do that to me).

What's painful about this though is I desperately want to become more sociable, but I can't. I guess years of never really talking to anybody will do that to ya...so how do you open up? How do you become sociable? And one more thing, whenever people touch me, I tend to enter fight or flight mode, and yet when I tell them not to give me a hug or something it offends them. And should I tell them about my ptsd? They don't really know much about my past except that I don't get along with my family...hmm that's a lotta questions lol..

<basic grammar edited by cherryblossom>

 

[Lionheart]

so how do you open up? How do you become sociable? And one more thing, whenever people touch me, I tend to enter fight or flight mode, and yet when I tell them not to give me a hug or something it offends them. And should I tell them about my ptsd?

Hi FunkyMonkey,

My suggestion is just be yourself and if you don't have anything to say, it is okay to be quiet. However, if you want to be more sociable you might try asking the other person questions about themselves, *(you want to be sincerely interested in what they have to say)......people like to talk about themselves it seems. :)

My boundary rule was not "No Touching" it was "No Touching Without Permission" ....so that others had to ask me for a hug. This helped settle the problem of people triggering me with unexpected touch.

Personally, I think a person needs to earn a certain amount of trust from me and have a right to know, before I decide to tell them about having ptsd.

In the past, people have not always been supportive; some have told me to grow up and get over it, others are ok until I tell them the reason for my trauma and a few of them have then told me not to ever mention it to them again...so one needs to be prepared for unsupportive responses from others.

I am disabled with ptsd and so I often will tell that I am disabled but not why...most people do not ask why. Anyway, I would think about why you want to share that kind of information about yourself before you make a decision.

This has all been my humble two cents....just my opinion, so please take it for what it is. Still, I hope something I have said is helpful for you!!!

 

[FunkyMonkey]

I appreciate your response. I guess i just want to tell my closest friends about it because they're probably starting to think I'm crazy and they don't understand. I am worried about what if they compare me to soldiers (my one friend will) who have seen their buddies die because i do all the time, so sometimes i don't feel like i deserve to be PTSD. I told my couselor that and she said it was because I've never dealt with it, I had just locked it away and buried it.. My problems seem so small compared to others, my major trauma only happened once...

 

[Prettysmile]

FunkyMonkey, you can start by opening up on this Forum. No one knows you pesonally nor what you look like nor will we judge you. It will help.Its a start.

As for people in the real world. I am not a sufferer. My significant other has PTSD. He has a hard time opening up with people as well and he is not very socialable unless he has been drinking. But he did find a few people he feels comfortable with one of them being me and the other his his Therapist. Have you been seeing a therapist? My Sufferer has been seeing one for the past 3 months. He loves it and he's learning to adjust alot better with the outside world.

 

[FunkyMonkey]

FunkyMonkey, you can start by opening up on this Forum. No one knows you pesonally nor what you look like nor will we judge you. It will help.Its a start.

As for people in the real world. I am not a sufferer. My significant other has PTSD. He has a hard time opening up with people as well and he is not very socialable unless he has been drinking. But he did find a few people he feels comfortable with one of them being me and the other his his Therapist. Have you been seeing a therapist? My Sufferer has been seeing one for the past 3 months. He loves it and he's learning to adjust alot better with the outside world.

I have an easier time opening up when I'm drinking or when i used to smoke, although i don't smoke anymore because it's illegal and I don't drink often because I'm 18.
I'd really like to see a therapist I think but atm I don't have a stable place to live so I'm kind of drifting from place to place, so i really can't afford to get a therapist..