U
Ulaze
Hi all,
I am new to the group. I already have going 1:1 counseling, couples counseling, and my husband is doing individual PTSD therapy. Needless to say we are counseling ourselves in circles. I have great circle of friends that I told PTSD is something we are dealing with...but that just leaves them speechless. SO I am at the point I need to hear from those from the spouse/partner side. I just need to talk to those that "get it".
Our summarized story: together 25 years. married 20. two kids (one in college, one in highschool), two dogs. Our relationship was based in poor coping skills and unhealthy perspective. My childhood wasnt the greatest. I have my own trust, abandoment issues. His childhood was horrendous until he "fought back". So no surprise...I hate being alone and he has a fight/fight response. When we are good it is like we are on a cloud. When it is bad it is emotionally and mentally abusive. We both manipulate. He is a chronic lier. I have problems not having verbal/non verbal anger. We are experts to having the outside world see only the "good". In fact, if someone knows we are fighting I get sick to my stomach! I am not even sure why. I have started telling/sharing but it makes me feel disgusting. Like a failure. Even though my logic brain knows better. In the last year, he has lost his job (due to the fight/fight - the boss did not appreciate his verbal pushback), my dog had leg surgery, my oldest left for college, and last night I found out my dog has cancer (which we can't afford to do anything about and for his comfort may not have anyways). We are totally lacking intimacy, continue to verbally fight 4-6 times a week, and I need to find coping skills in my own head so I can stop participating in the madness. So I have friends I talk to, go to counseling, eat well and exercise. But wondering what do others do INSIDE their head to help alliviate the emotional mental pain when you know your spouse is simply not capable of doing better at the time?
I am new to the group. I already have going 1:1 counseling, couples counseling, and my husband is doing individual PTSD therapy. Needless to say we are counseling ourselves in circles. I have great circle of friends that I told PTSD is something we are dealing with...but that just leaves them speechless. SO I am at the point I need to hear from those from the spouse/partner side. I just need to talk to those that "get it".
Our summarized story: together 25 years. married 20. two kids (one in college, one in highschool), two dogs. Our relationship was based in poor coping skills and unhealthy perspective. My childhood wasnt the greatest. I have my own trust, abandoment issues. His childhood was horrendous until he "fought back". So no surprise...I hate being alone and he has a fight/fight response. When we are good it is like we are on a cloud. When it is bad it is emotionally and mentally abusive. We both manipulate. He is a chronic lier. I have problems not having verbal/non verbal anger. We are experts to having the outside world see only the "good". In fact, if someone knows we are fighting I get sick to my stomach! I am not even sure why. I have started telling/sharing but it makes me feel disgusting. Like a failure. Even though my logic brain knows better. In the last year, he has lost his job (due to the fight/fight - the boss did not appreciate his verbal pushback), my dog had leg surgery, my oldest left for college, and last night I found out my dog has cancer (which we can't afford to do anything about and for his comfort may not have anyways). We are totally lacking intimacy, continue to verbally fight 4-6 times a week, and I need to find coping skills in my own head so I can stop participating in the madness. So I have friends I talk to, go to counseling, eat well and exercise. But wondering what do others do INSIDE their head to help alliviate the emotional mental pain when you know your spouse is simply not capable of doing better at the time?
