I Am So Heartbroken Over Wrong Diagnosis Again

[Deleted member 38242]

Its been a 21 year battle. They keep putting me on mood stabilizers, and everyone of them causes psychotic depression, and anger instead of my normal depression with ptsd. I smoked pot for years, and when it messes with my GABA I have to quit for months because it makes me depressed and ptsd kicks in bad, and a build up on canabis in the system affects the GABA. I don't suffer from seizures either.
Again after a total of 10 min on two different occasions he has decided I need some pill that will literally end up in my suicide. I saw a non-percription psychologist for 8 years; who saw me weekly, or Every other week the whole time. She is convinced I am not bipolar, and tend to run depressed. She does federal testing for disability and diagnosis fir kids in schools. I'm sure she would have seen it.
I was on prozac as a teenager, and did not get manic. He said "If antidepressants do not make you manic then your not bipolar." But the last time I see him he perscribed lamictal, and said it works as an anti-depressant, and anti-anxiety medication. Which may be true but it messes with the GABA chemicals in the brain.
Well it doesn't touch saratonin, dopamine, or norephanephrin which even my genetics test said would be a problem with my gene mutation mthfr.
I'm heartbroken. I want to go to school, and work again, and pot isn't working anymore, so I wanted an antidepressant. My dad is on them, and we have no history of bipolar in our family, but we do with depression. I think the antidepressant my medication gene testing showed I could take would do wonders, and its highly perscribed with my genetic mtfhr mutation.
I just can't get help, and because of being tormented in mental hospitals no longer trust the psychiatric community in general. I'm so sad. I see him on the third of next month. I don't know what to do if he won't listen. My dopamine help now consist of cigarettes, and beer every few nights. I go about two days in between beers and smokes, but I'm almost 40, and wrinkles have started appearing around my face from smoking.
I'm just so bumbed. No one believed my that resperitol made me psychotically depressed, but my genetics test showed that it would do that. I just want help, and have tried so many times with the drugs (even herbs, and natural drugs that have really screwed me up) to get balanced, but they won't believe me it seems.
I know I suffer from depression, and have my whole life, but again they won't believe me.
I give up. Maybe I'm disability bound for life. When I was working I would cry for a week straight, and with the ptsd didn't sleep for 6-8 months until I couldn't take it, and would quit, or get let go due to depression causing problems. The only time I have been institutionalized I was suicidal and psychotically depressed to the point where the pain made me insane. I can't describe that type of emotional pain but it kills.
When i was anorexic, and smoking a half oz of weed a week, and 10 diffrent herbs, and drinking, and two pots of coffee a day I have been a bit crazy, but he never saw that. I have to do all of those things 24/7 for over 6 months to get a little manic, but he doesn't know that. I wish I could get manic with out massive drugs, and caffeine. I don't understand why they won't listen.
One more try. I really want to get help, and healthy.....

 

[joeylittle]

Please don't get hung up on the classification names. And while the genetic screen is useful, it isn't a guaranteed predictor. It's fairly good at helping narrow the field, but does not reliably rule out any medications.

I can tell you this: from your posts, you sound like the depression is an intense experience for you - that you can be overwhelmed by the intensity of the bad feeling.

If that's true, Lamictal stands a good chance of helping you.

I've been through a lot of meds because I'm a rapid metabolizer, meaning they don't tend to accumulate properly in my system - so they work for a bit, and stop. I have major depression and for me, it's the worst of my two diagnoses. I'm sharing that so you know that I'm speaking from the perspective of someone who needs medication to manage.

Traditional SSRIs do not typically address deeper levels of depression very effectively. You can also get a faster response off of Lamictal. Which also means, if you try it and it's not affecting you the right way, you'll likely know sooner than you would with an SSRI

Just some thoughts.

 

[Deleted member 38242]

I was thinking last night that I would try it. I'm also getting blood work done to see if its my thyroid which in my family history has an issue of having problems around this age. The dose is for an antidepressant, and I am a rapid metabolize type body as well. I'm just so affraid after the hell I've been through on medications in the past. Thanks for the information, and your own experience with this drug. I am doing blood work tomorrow, so I'll try it tomorrow night.