General I Am Worried.

[armywife2008]

i have just realized my husband could have ptsd. he has been in the army for a while now, but i have absolutely no idea what he does, or has done...he won't talk about it. we have only been married about 8 months, and it has been so hard. at first he was loving and caring, but now he doesnt want anything to do with me. i figured thats just how he was, he doesn't know how to show emotion, but the more i have been reading, the more i think its ptsd...not just him.

tonight we had dinner, watched tv, then i went to visit my friend, who is home alone...hubby's in the field...i came home about 2 hours later, all of the alcohol was gone from the house, 4 empty bottles just sitting on the counter, and he fell asleep on the couch holding his gun.

sometimes...he will jump up out of bed, screaming, drenched in sweat, i try to comfort him...and it seems to help. one time he was sound asleep and i got up to go to the bathroom, when i was getting back into bed, he reached up and put his hands around my throat, i screamed at him and told him it was ok it was me, he said sorry and went back to sleep.
i dont know what to do. i dont know how to talk to him. i dont know this person who is doing this so i dont know how he will react if i tell him he needs to get help...

i think i have been contributing also, because i have had no idea what has been going on with him, because he never talks to me...to anyone about it. i get angry with him because i feel that he has no love for me anymore...i am so scared i am going to end up divorced, or worse. i love him with everything that i am and i want to help him but i have absolutely no idea where to start...

 

[armywife2008]

Trying Hard

Well i talked to my husband last night, i told him i thought he may have ptsd. he laughed it off. but i told him i was serious and that he should consider getting some help. i hope that was the right thing to do...

 

[Nat]

You have to be very careful. My ex is in the military and they are taught to be strong and to not be viewed as weak. It is very hard for them to realize that they might have a problem. My ex did similar things. He would shoot out of bed and look wildly around the room, slept with a knife, grabbed his shot gun if he saw something in the backyard, and he got wasted one night and confessed some of what happened on his recent deployment. He pulled away from me and family and I felt as helpless as you. I didn't know what to do. I figured if I confronted him or told his parents that he would get pissed at me. I slowly watched him spiral down and down. At first i thought he was just having trouble readjusting to life back home, but it became obvious that it was something more than that.

When he broke up with me, I finally knew that something was seriously wrong. What I did was calmly explain to him what I had noticed since he had been home. I told him that I was worried about him and that I thought he should seek out help. He agreed with me! I think that for him he needed someone to tell him that he wasn't in denial and that there was something wrong. He told his parents that night that he needed to get help and his mom emailed me the next day to say that she had noticed his behavior too, but felt as helpless as I did.

Regarding him choking you, I was informed when my ex came home to not touch him while he was sleeping. He said that a lot of the time wives would get black eyes because they would touch their husband in their sleep. Military guys are taught to react to stimuli, not think about it. He told me wake him up by calling out his name.

The thing that is most important to remember is that your husband is going to have to realize he has a problem and that he needs help, you won't be able to force him into it. Have you ever talked to him about this? If he is worried about the military finding out, there are ways around it.

I understand your feelings of anger. It is very hurtful when they cut someone out of their lives, but it is how they deal with what's going on internally.

Talk to him and see what he says. Good luck!

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

Hi armywife, If you can't get him to go to therapy I highly reccomend that you do. It sounds like he may have it, but we can't diagnose someone, only a doctor can.

Whatever he may or may not have needs some professional opinion on the matter.

While setting yourself up for some counseling, print out some reading material here that pertains to symptoms of those who have PTSD and highlight the things in the material that you see him do and then show it to him.

Good luck
Tammy

 

[Shoka]

Hi Armywife,

I agree with Tammy, read up on the disease as much as possible. When I started to realize that my BF had PTSD I also started keeping a private journal of his patterns so I could begin to understand his triggers.

Without a doubt you need to take care of yourself and to establish boundaries with regard to the physical issues. For example, my BF knows that his aggression is not acceptable to me. We've talked specifically about the kinds of things I won't tolerate like hitting, grabbing, pushing, etc. I learned that I had to really spell that out. That was advice I got from someone on this forum.

My last thought is to have hope. There is help out there and if you can get therapy and he can get therapy, you can learn to live with the disease. Remember you're not alone, this forum is a good place to start to build support for yourself. If he does have PTSD, you'll need support.

Shoka

 

[TheRaven]

First a Hi to all of you. I am a Veteran my self..
For me it took 14 years before i could see my reactions my self..(PTSD)
I would advice you to check if there is any local veterans that could talk to him.. It is easyer for us to open up or to talk to another veteran. PTSD is a sneaky thing.. :-)

And i admire you for following this up.. I my self was married, but she split.. (i don't blame her).

Sorry bout the bad english.. (i'm norwegian)

But i've seen so many times that the best way to reach out to a veteran with PTSD problems is through another veteran. Then through that find a way to get the pro's in on the field.

Best of luck to you both.

Take care.