I Dissociate All Day To Teach... And I'm Okay With That

[Lucycat]

I am not a teacher, but nonetheless I understand the need to 'act a part' to get through my working day. I have described it to T as being like 2 different people - the working me and the home me. He said this is entirely normal - even in the non-PTSD community. I do find that I cannot mix the two, though and that is where it is blurry for me. By this I mean I cannot attend social functions with work colleagues as it confuses the hell out of me. I don't know who I am and cannot be two at one time.

I've been in therapy for two years

I just wondered if your Therapist has described this as dissociation?

 

[InsideAWord]

I just wondered if your Therapist has described this as dissociation?

My therapist did tell me that it was a form of dissociation because she said it is as though I'm watching myself teach and thinking about the things I do and say as I do them.

I mean, I was told that what I was doing was dissociating.

 

[TLight]

I can't dissociate and handle decisions and responsibilities. I think when I was younger, it was just armour really. Then after decades I wore down. Absolutely couldn't do it now.
I still do it in social situations, but can't handle more than an hour or two a day. Work? Too many breakdowns.

When I dissociate, I'm either a tiny child who would be incapable of handling tasks, or a raging teenage boy who has actually verbally tore people's heads off in the workplace before, or an very young 2 year old who can't even speak...she's just frozen. I can feel it happen and there's no way I"d be functioning.

But when younger, like I said, I managed working for many years, only to face mounting insomnia, terror, and eventual complete stress meltdown.

Seems to me with PTSD......the 'faking it till you make it' doesn't apply.

Please be sure and manage your stress and take care of you......don't take on too much. You aren't wonderwoman, no one is. Coping is coping for normal people.....for us it is magnified tremendously until one day, we can't cope. At least that's been true with me.

 

[afuneralinmybrain]

Dissociating makes me lock up and I can't do anything due to the fear I'll dissolve completely. You're lucky.

 

[Tinyflame]

I find any degree of dissociation (for myself) is very different from the 'on' mode required at work or elsewhere.

To be honest, I thought that 'mode' was something everyone did, as necessary? Just as one "doesn't bring their mood to work", or doesn't let on what's going on, or as a comedian jokes (no matter how they feel). :confused:

 

[Ellabella44]

yeah something like this is my social ''on'' mode. but it doesnt last long ( maybe 4 hours) in a face to face environment and eventually i end up in social anxiety or something else if im trying to fight off something like my grief for a while but need to be somewhere.

 

[Eleanor]

Since learning about structural dissociation I am thinking differently about this. There are apparently different kinds and degrees of dissociation. In structural dissociation there is an Apparently Normal Personality (ANP) and then Emotional Personalities (EP). The degree to which their consciousnesses are integrated can vary. The thing is that they are each based in a different basic emotional system (FEAR, RAGE, SEEKING, LUST, PANIC, CARE, PLAY) so have more or less rigid behavioral repertoires. And then there is depersonalization - which is when you just feel like it is not you doing this - you are on the observation deck while the rest of you does all the stuff - which is another variety of dissociation.

I think the important part for coping is to try to get past the scared responses to the different bits and pieces, and get them speaking to each other and cooperating. They are all you, for better or worse, and moralizing about their existence or unfortunate habits is not especially helpful (at least, it hasn't ever been for me) I set my course toward what I WANT to be and then keep correcting as I travel into the future. EP's learn. ANP's learn.

If you can't quite bring yourself to admit that the "teacher" is you - (albeit maybe depersonalized) you might just try to regard her in a friendly way. And the other EP's too. It can be quite a challenge (she says trying not to talk smack about her own EP's) and... it is worth doing.