General I Fell Down And Can't Get Up..

[ms spock]

I am sad to read that your wife is unable to focus on you and your needs.

Can you go somewhere and take a break?

 

[dayglo]

I would normally leave the house, maybe even pack a bag and stay in a hotel. That's hard while incontinent and medically being unable to lift more than 10 pounds. Boy I sound pathetic.

 

[The Albatross]

No you don't. It is difficult under the best of circumstances to be reliant on someone else after surgery. I keep my mother away from me when I have to have surgeries. My husband is not the best "nurse" either, but he tries. It takes time, and perhaps on Monday you can call and ask your surgeon's nurse for tips on how to deal better with the post operation issues?

 

[dayglo]

The incontinence is to be expected; I have to re-train my bladder. I'm able to take care of myself basically 100% now if not for my wife's episodes.

 

[ISupportHer]

The incontinence is to be expected;

Yes, absolutely expected. Of course is highly individualized but should improve over the next few months.

 

[monicaelise]

Hang in there dayglo. Just get some men's depends and no one will know. I woke up with a foob the size of a cantaloupe after Thursday's surgery. It's especially attractive being on just the one side this time lol!

Ain't cancer a hoot... :meh:

 

[dayglo]

Sorry to report it was another hell day for me. Was on the phone with her therapist today...

She was by the door listening in, heard some of the things I said, so things are worse than ever.

I'm putting clothing in plastic bags and slowly bringing them to the car in case I'm forced to leave the house and find a room somewhere.

 

[The Albatross]

I'm so sorry you have to go through this basically alone, and that your partner can't keep the focus off herself long enough to help or at the very least stop the drama.

 

[dayglo]

Yes, it does seem to be a way to keep the focus on her, even while she's screaming at me that she has never been "Number One" in my life, which could not be farther from the truth....

 

[ISupportHer]

Sorry to hear about all this. NOT what you need as you heal from surgery

 

[dayglo]

Now's she's at the other extreme, feeling completely guilty about what happened. Want to somehow "make up" for her actions. Hovering over me constantly. Asking me if I still love her every 5 minutes.

And if I don't answer her immediately or want a bit of my own space, she immediately breaks into tears saying "you don't love me anymore" and "its my fault" and "maybe I should leave because I don't deserve you".

 

[The Albatross]

Definitely some joint counseling is in order as soon as you can get recovered. This experience is difficult under the best of circumstances... you don't need this.