I Just Came Back From The Doctors Office...

[Michelle1991]

I was raped on April 19 by a fellow university classmate of mine. It is still extremely fresh in my mind. I have been working once a week with nurses and counselors for frequent testing.

I get bloodwork done every four weeks to check for changes. However, today, I got more "invasive" testing. To put it lightly, today was the first time since the assault that someone 1) saw me without my clothes on, and 2) had something inside of me.

I cried as soon as I got in my car and it just brought back all of the trauma from that day. I understand the importance of getting tested, but it is really difficult to try to forget when I am constantly having to talk to health care professionals about the event. Not to mention, I feel very alone and scared in this process.

Do you have any tips for getting through this process? Did you go through this as well?

 

[catjudo]

Michelle--
We have a sister site specifically for sexual abuse survivors. Have you had a chance to visit that site yet?
[DLMURL]http://www.mysexabuse.com/[/DLMURL]

I know there are people here who will be able to relate, but perhaps you'd have even more luck on that site. Of course you're welcome here, but you might want to check it out as well. Best of luck.

 

[Meadowsweet]

Michelle, I've never been through the testing procedures. But I understand how distressing that must be and am so pleased that you have the courage to go down the route that will get you the help you need.

It's ok to cry and feel hurt and angry and all of that. You're doing so well.

 

[Hashi]

Michelle, I'm so sorry for what happened.

I have every sympathy for you having to undergo the tests and things related to that. However sensitively it's done, it must be terrible for you and I wish it wasn't necessary.

I'm afraid forgetting isn't the answer, though. I managed to forget to the point of having amnesia, but that doesn't really make what happened go away. It just stays buried inside you, affecting you without you knowing it and waiting to emerge at some point in the future. Working through what happened is the only option, and in fact the sooner you do that the better because the effects of trauma can become more complicated and deep-rooted if you suppress them.

I hope the counselling is helping you through this. Do you feel it's supporting you? This does take time, and it's so painful, but by processing your experience and it's effects, you can gradually get through.