I Keep Wanting To Go 'home'

[sun seeker]

Incidentally, If you have experience of "that place" it probably wasn't death, it was more likely to be the full death feigning, playing possum, Flop stage of dissociation, where your brain shuts down and floods itself with opium like chemicals that cause all feelings of pain and fear dis-appear

Could be... or not. I did actually die and this is where my memory of what it is like on the other side comes from.

 

[Silent one]

I think at some point we all have thoughts of "not wanting to be alive."
And for some the desire to be free from pain is so strong. Many times I have felt the same. I have had my share of people telling me to " hang in there" and " think what it would do to the people in your life." It is frustrating. The only people I think who understand are the ones that have been there- on the edge. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone although it feels that way. It takes a lot of courage to keep trying even though you want to die.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

So - life is what you make it, and death is what you make it?

 

[Ronin]

Dying's effin' painful.

Don't add that pain to the list of pains you're having /already/.

 

[Anarchy]

Wot Cashew said too

No one ever came back from the real thing to tell us what going all the way is like.

For all we know, it could be never ending, excruciating torment...

Stolen from the Viz (a british gutter filth comic for 12 year olds who are now more than thirty years old)
Imagine a moth, fluttering from earth to the moon and back again, and each time it reaches the moon, it dislodges a few atoms. The time it takes for that moth to wear the moon down to the size of a grain of sand with the brush of its wings, is only an infinitely small instant of eternity...

which is a very long way of saying, you are dead for a very long time.

There are ways to build a life that is worth living. They take hard work and learning of skills

The things that don't take that hard work and learning of skills are: staying miserable and making things even worse. (that's stolen from Marsha Linehan - http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/23/health/23lives.html?pagewanted=1&_r=0 )

 

[Ronin]

No one ever came back from the real thing

Please do not imply those of us who died and were brought back did not come through the 'real thing'.
With full respect to what you said in the rest of the post.

 

[Gadgie]

Quote......."I still feel suicidal at times. Less than I used to,"

I remember so well that night when I came that close to carrying it out. I sat for ages just thinking, and my mind went back to the days when I was in emergency services.

Just how much life meant to some people, and how they struggled just to live another day! How scared they were, when they were at deaths door, that look of fear in the their eyes, struggling for just one more breath.

The fight they put up just to stay alive, is so amazing, you have no idea how that is. I think that's what made me hesitate that night, and of course that phone call from my mate in Canada, a bloke I've never even met.

We both use the same ex services site, and he read my post that night, and something just told him to phone me, and fortunately I'm still here to tell the story.

 

[Anarchy]

Respectfully going to dis agree -

Reading between the lines because you are a very private person, You, Friday and a few others here have got as close to the whole; flesh turning green smelly and food for maggots, crows and jackals thing...

as any humans who have ever come back.

but, isn't the dividing line the ability to come back and be amongst humans again?

I don't mean that in a dis respectful sense. Only in a - do we know what that eternity thing is? sense.

Leaving the last word with you. @

 

[sun seeker]

No one ever came back from the real thing to tell us what going all the way is like.

I refer to Eben Alexander's book, Proof of Heaven. He is a neurosurgeon who didn't believe in NDEs either, until he had one. As a scientist, it took a lot to convince him. He also has a sequel, forget what it's called, but it goes into even more scientific detail that refutes, point by point, the theory of NDEs being nothing but catecholamine reactions. He now spends his life writing and speaking on this subject. Yes, people do come back from the real thing. I am one of them. It sounds like there are many others here.

 

[sun seeker]

do we know what that eternity thing is?

I believe so. It's hard to explain, but to me, the eternity of consciousness is much more real than this 3D life I am living. This is the dream. That is the reality.

I know people who say no one can know for sure, and that they aren't really interested anyway because they are too busy living to care what happens when they die. I can sort of get my mind around that, but only sort of.

 

[sun seeker]

I do realize, @Anarchy, that part of your point was that no one has ever come back from being so dead that their body is decaying. On that point I would agree. However, there are loads of people who retain or regain memories of past lives and the time in between them on a different plane of existence, and it is remarkably consistent from person to person and in some cases, provable (like the Dalai Lama, as one well-known example).

Do I have scientific proof? No, because I'm not a scientist and my brain doesn't retain facts in enough detail. But do I know it to be true? Yes. Kind of the same way I know the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. Because I've experienced it enough times to know it.

 

[shimmerz]

but not the home I grew up in, nor the home I'm living in now- I want to go home home to a place where I began and belong.

I have this feeling all the time. Home, to me, is a place of rest. Something that others see as a 'house', which has absolutely never been a peaceful and restful place through my experience. I can't possibly imagine never being able to experience a place that I belong. May the angels (if there are any) help me if 'home' is not what I think it is (spiritually). Then this all seems to have been very pointless.