I Need Some Ideas From Others

[recoveringfromptsd]

Once of the things me and my therapist is working on is changing my core believes and addressing my trust issues, self esteem issues, and interpersonal communication issues

What I need right now are some ideas on ways to build trust in others.

 

[Symphony]

Training a rescue dog with similar issues as me has offered a ton of insight and changed thinking.

 

[OneToughCookie]

Do you trust anyone at the moment?

 

[Freedomfighter]

Once of the things me and my therapist is working on is changing my core believes and addres...

That is a tough one. I find that in my case someone has to prove they are worthy of my trust first before I even consider such a huge privilege. And it is a huge privilege if I give anyone my trust. And I can also say that currently I only trust very very view people.

 

[watundah]

@Freedomfighter me, too. For me, it's the final frontier.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Do you trust anyone at the moment?

Not 100% percent, even with close people and relatives I am guarded, so the answer probably is no.

Right now I am having to use distress tolerance and taking the risk with blind trust with therapists just to be able to accomplish anything.

Trust is a really big issue for me, it kept me from disclosing until recently and the only reason that occurred is because some clinicians demonstrated respect and helped me with no strings attached without telling what to do or act. It was respect without risk. That had me let my walls down. Since then its been hell, but I am addressing stuff for the first time.

 

[mamachick]

I agree with Freedomfighter....It is really important that you first have someone in your life that is worthy of that trust. Right now, I really do not have anyone that I could trust unconditionally and that is an obstacle. (something I need to work on too).

I am speaking of trusting someone to hear my inner most thoughts, with small children, in control of my bank account. There are some people I would trust with some areas, but not all, because of the reality of life.

I think it can be situational but is do-able. If you have someone who you believe would give you honest advice in your best interest, that is a great place to start. It can be as simple as telling that person that you can't decide what to wear or how to have your hair cut or about a small purchase you are about to make, and asking their honest advice. Chose something that they are competent in. I would also tell them how important their honest opinion is to you....then take their advice. You do not have a lot to loose in this scenario. Then pay attention to the outcome. I would start small like this. It could also be that you need a ride somewhere at a certain time and if they commit and follow through, notice that, and that is a first step in trusting.

Ultimately, we have to learn to trust ourselves and then the distrust we have will not be so significant.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Ultimately, we have to learn to trust ourselves and then the distrust we have will not be so significant.

That's problematic, as I distrust even when I trust. As I say I am guarded. I tend to prepare for bad things that can happen before they do even when its unlikely they will. Trusting in myself is hard to, I am so erratic at times.

 

[GrayOwl]

Humans are, and always will be, fallible.
We all have failings, emotions, instincts, needs, selfish habits, that even on our best of days, render us, well.....human.
I love to trust people, but I don't set myself up for failure and disappointment. No one goes on a pedestal.
I accept that they will fail me at times, trust will be broken.
I learn to look into the heart and look into the eyes of people I allow myself to trust.
If they cannot allow me access, then they have flaws in their character that they wish to hide from me - and more importantly - from themselves.
And even those who I trust, I still accept that they are human and can fail.

How do "I" begin to trust?
I don't "wager" more than I can afford to lose. I don't bare myself or become too vulnerable if I can avoid it.
But that can lead to a sterile environment. And we're not cold emotionless beings. We need companionship.
So sometimes that means taking a chance - being willing to get used or abused a little bit.
Sometimes it does hurt. Being willing to accept that, I can move toward trust.
Some fail the trust test. They go to the back of the line. Or exit my life altogether.
Some pass. They become friends and supporters.
If I'm not willing to let myself be human, to extend myself, then I'll never move forward, I'll never have trust.

It's not a black and white world.
It's a gray world.
That's why I am Gray Owl.
I can't even always trust myself.
But I'm workin on it.

Great thread.

 

[Suzetig]

This is such a hard thing for me. The thing that worked for me was building a trusting relationship with my T - which has been far from quick and easy. I've been working with her for around 3 years and I do have a lot of trust in her, there are still some things I find difficult even with her but trust is there. It's been a really gradual thing though, with me testing out the relationship each step of the way and her consistently responding.

As I've experienced her as being safe, I've been able to take that into other relationships - my marriage and friendships to where I do now have a circle of people I can trust to care for me and accept me regardless. That too was little bit by little bit - by telling some of what I was thinking and feeling, and them sharing their own stuff with me too. I'm less guarded as a person but still a very private person, but recognise that more as a choice than because I'm too scared to be myself.

There's no quick way here that I know of but will read with interest.

 

[mamachick]

@GrayOwl- Not wagering more than one can afford to loose is best advice ever.....

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

The thing that worked for me was building a trusting relationship with my T

That's sort of where I am starting, I have had to use blind trust with distress tolerance even though I feel so vulnerable with my T. Before I even saw her I decided to let all the walls down with her, and hold nothing back. I am beginning therapy with life crisis center who deals with abuse, and using same approach there. I have never felt so vulnerable, as until now even when I was vulnerable I had barriers up to protect me.

What me an my therapist are working on is page 234 and that chapter in Coping with trauma Based Dissociation. We are working on learning what my core values and beliefs are "almost all negative" and changing them to more possible health ones. This begins with the ones that deal with trust. I need to be able to build my ability to trust beyond my T. Thus I am looking for ideas from others. Things like "taking some risks in a therapeutic group dynamic"