I know I should be feeling really positive and happy for the breakthrough. However, I am experiencing depression and doubt. My ex boyfriend who I never stopped loving is finally seeking help for his combat PTSD. His appointment is on Thursday, and we are both feeling nervous.We had been together for over a year. We are so happy when we are together (even when we are not "together")and everyone around us can see it. Our families (including my daughter) love us and want to see us get married. However, his PTSD has gotten in the way.
We were together and broke up after the first 5 months. He broke up with me unexpectedly and with no reason, and it destroyed me. A year later, we got back together. Things were going great for the next several months. We went on family vacations together, we shared intimate secrets that we had never told anyone, including that he thought he had PTSD and the symptoms he experienced. I supported him through the process of applying for assistance through the V.A., but he was waitlisted. I listened to him and supported him the best I could, and he appeared to be happy. Then, he broke up with me out of the blue, without being able to give me a clear reason yet again.
The more I thought about it and researched it, the more I put the pieces together that pulling away is not uncommon for someone with PTSD. He has a history of doing the same thing with his exes. (He has been out of the military for about 7 years.) We have kept in contact these past weeks that we have been broken up, and he tells me he misses me all the time and we still spend one day a week together so he can spend time with my daughter. I mustered up the courage to let him know that I think he needs to pursue other treatment options because I feel that his relationship issues may be part of his illness. He listened and agreed, and I helped him with resources to find a counselor and he made the appointment. We aren’t together because we both feel that he needs time to heal without added relationship pressure, but it is killing me. I want to be supportive of him but in the back of my mind I wonder if I have what it takes to be his FRIEND through this. I am in this anxiety-inducing limbo. I can’t move on if I am supporting him, but I am afraid that I will end up alone if I wait around. There is no guarantee that we will get back together. And to make it worse? Now I feel guilty because I sound selfish.
We were together and broke up after the first 5 months. He broke up with me unexpectedly and with no reason, and it destroyed me. A year later, we got back together. Things were going great for the next several months. We went on family vacations together, we shared intimate secrets that we had never told anyone, including that he thought he had PTSD and the symptoms he experienced. I supported him through the process of applying for assistance through the V.A., but he was waitlisted. I listened to him and supported him the best I could, and he appeared to be happy. Then, he broke up with me out of the blue, without being able to give me a clear reason yet again.
The more I thought about it and researched it, the more I put the pieces together that pulling away is not uncommon for someone with PTSD. He has a history of doing the same thing with his exes. (He has been out of the military for about 7 years.) We have kept in contact these past weeks that we have been broken up, and he tells me he misses me all the time and we still spend one day a week together so he can spend time with my daughter. I mustered up the courage to let him know that I think he needs to pursue other treatment options because I feel that his relationship issues may be part of his illness. He listened and agreed, and I helped him with resources to find a counselor and he made the appointment. We aren’t together because we both feel that he needs time to heal without added relationship pressure, but it is killing me. I want to be supportive of him but in the back of my mind I wonder if I have what it takes to be his FRIEND through this. I am in this anxiety-inducing limbo. I can’t move on if I am supporting him, but I am afraid that I will end up alone if I wait around. There is no guarantee that we will get back together. And to make it worse? Now I feel guilty because I sound selfish.
