DID I think my child alter has come to the surface today

[Ms Blue Sky]

I was feeling timid, shy and extremely vulnerable in the street and triggered by loud noises, I am working tomorrow too at an event and my mum said she'd be there, normally I'd go....oh no! But today I felt glad, I felt like I needed mummy there and she'd make everything okay for me, I'm nervous about going to the event
I felt anxious about seeing people in the street and afraid they would threaten or mock me like I did at school
The only feelings I felt were sadness and numbness
I later began to feel spacey and out of it and I felt like I wasn't a whole person, I think I was in transition between two alters, child me and the normal host me, I felt devoid of all feelings and a blankness, almost psychopathic with a compulsion to just laugh and joke as if all feelings were buried
I went for a walk which helped me feel a bit better, I'm now doing some self care, gotta healthy drink, will do some yoga and call a friend later
I am triggered by noisy neighbours above me constantly for the last two days
Just sharing, feeling rather crappy tonight, I feel furious at these people above me who just won't shut up, planning to move soon....
I may start a trauma diary methinks on here, think that'd help

The funny thing is, only yesterday I was on top of the world, I got a really good new job, I was feeling confident and successful, a high powered executive, a businesswoman...so different!

I was proud I had gone no contact with an ex-work colleague who bullied me at work and tonight I found myself wondering, had I done the right thing and saying to myself I needed him, he would have supported me now....madness, he was cruel and barely ever supportive

Yeah I think I'll start that diary! Thank you for listening to this vent! X

 

[Sideways]

That part where you felt proud of yourself - don't let that bit disappear off the radar completely. It sounds like you've got a lot to be proud of viz the bully at work.

Your posts also have a crazy amount of insight into what you've been experiencing, and an extraordinary degree of reality about good times and bad times ebbing and flowing (because how much easier is it to tell ourselves "it has always been, and will always be, this bloody awful" when things get crappy!?).

Hope your neighbours have a mighty hangover from their 2 day bender;)

 

[Ms Blue Sky]

Hahahahhahah hah! ;-)
Thanks yeah I think I do have some stuff to be proud of, lol I think I'm getting dizzy from all this ebbing and flowing!

Yes I think I'm doing well and recovering, you've made me feel much better tonight Ragdoll Circus, I love your style of writing too and your sense of humour

I'm glad I cut contact with the bully at work actually, it's great I did that, one of the best things I've ever done, for a while I began to speak to him again and then I realized how mad and crazy it'd be to let somebody back into my life who criticised me and belittled me every day, I did it with the help of my sponsor in SLAA who has been an angel to me luckily

Thank you again X X

 

[Enaila]

Sounds like you have been experiencing a lot of changes. Starting a new job is exciting, but still stressful. Being tied from not sleeping and ride neighbors can definitely alter ones mood. Congratulations on the new job!