Some of the things I learned both from reading and from dialogues with my psychiatrist is that because my abuse started when I was very small, I am mostly mute when I try to discuss my traumas. As I grew and more traumas happened, I was muted by society, authority, family - you must appear and act a certain way or you must shut up.
My psychiatrist works with me via email, phone, and periodic face to face sessions. I express myself most cogently when writing because I have time to think/reflect on what I am saying. By improving my precision, Dr. N can be more focused when we talk. Over the phone, I can be as ugly, weepy, intense, and angry as I want (girl number two, the angry teen) - because he can't see me. I cannot be seen unless I appear perfect and in control - residue of my upbringing and basis of sucess of girl number three. Face to face - I often dissolve into girl number one, the 6 year old who is very sad but very trusting. So we work in several modalities to get the most out of our work.
Not having to be face to face all the time definitely has helped me - allowing me to say things I couldn't in a face to face setting. But there are times when I like to see my psychiatrist - so that I know he's real.
My psychiatrist works with me via email, phone, and periodic face to face sessions. I express myself most cogently when writing because I have time to think/reflect on what I am saying. By improving my precision, Dr. N can be more focused when we talk. Over the phone, I can be as ugly, weepy, intense, and angry as I want (girl number two, the angry teen) - because he can't see me. I cannot be seen unless I appear perfect and in control - residue of my upbringing and basis of sucess of girl number three. Face to face - I often dissolve into girl number one, the 6 year old who is very sad but very trusting. So we work in several modalities to get the most out of our work.
Not having to be face to face all the time definitely has helped me - allowing me to say things I couldn't in a face to face setting. But there are times when I like to see my psychiatrist - so that I know he's real.