Relationship Is It Time To Just Leave?

[re0916]

I have posted a couple times on here since finding your site for help. Unfortunately since posting things have gotten to be so much more horrible. Here is the trigger for him. I asked him to get me medicine since I was sick, I needed him to go to the store and pick up OTC medicine for me and soup. He waited all day to do this first saying I took too long during my shower and he couldn't take a shower himself. Then he had to make dinner for the kids, and then he had to have his dessert in front of the tv as usual. After he finally completes the above he then comes and asks me for money for the medicine. (he just got paid that day, and I just gave him money the other day for gas for his truck) He went to the store, forgot the soup, and got the wrong medicine. My trigger went off and I was pissed. I waited all day for medicine running a fever so I couldn't drive, and he brings back cough medicine when I didn't even have a cough? ? I yell and scream and tell him I take care of his daughters when they are sick why is it so hard for him to help me out?

My husband and I haven't been talking since. He unplugged the phone so I can't have any communication with the outiside world. He also told me that I am only after his money and I deserve to be beat up by men in my life. First, he doesn't have money, and second what he said really hurt. I have no body here, I left my family and my life in PA and moved all the way to Oregon to be with him. My parents say since I am married I need to work it out. I am afraid now, I don't want to live a life like this. I have a son of my own, and he has two daughters that are his. My friends say get a restraining order, but if I do so he will loose custody of his daughters. What do I do? I feel like I wanna crawl in a hole and just be forgotten about, but I have my son to think of? I don't have the income to just up and leave and start over again, I am unemployed. Can anyone help me and tell me what I need to do?

 

[Nicolette]

Ummmm.........wow. I would be finding a way out as quickly as possible. Where there is a will there is a way. Is there family or friends that can lend you some money to get back home and stay with until you get on your feet?

While you care for his daughters, your son is your priority and he should not suffer at the expense of others. I'm sure you don't want him damaged or worse still, growing up thinking it is ok for men to treat women the way you are being treated.

Unplugging the phone to me is a sign of control so if you do decide to get away (which I think you should) you may find you may need a restraining order.

 

[AngelaMarie]

I 100% agree with Nicolette. He unplugged the phone and tried to isolate you. I have been there in some ways and it is frightening. In these situations it usually only gets worse. He also sounds very passive aggressive and that means you can basically do nothing right and it seems from your post that you can not ask for help. Leaving yourself and your son in this situation could be very harmful. Reach out, try to overcome the fear. May I say also, please try to do it in a way that is not threatening to him. In this situation it seem it may be a good idea to try and keep things with the least opportunity for him to get aggressive? I believe the best idea is to reach out to a source that deals with these situations and has experience. I am not an expert (not even close) I just know the things I've been through. Everyone deserves some support, even a little. I wish you the best and strength to deal with your situation.:unsure:

 

[re0916]

Thank you Nicolette, and AngelaMarie. To say I feel all alone is such an understatement. I reached out to my family and my mom thinks I just need to make it work since we are married. (Did I mention we are only 1 month married!) He rushed me into marrying him saying I need to get on his benefits since I had no medical benefits at the time. Ever since I married him he changed. Now, I feel stuck. If I travel back to PA, I don't think I will have enough money to make it back, that is if my car even makes it back. On the other hand I don't want to take my son out of school when he only has two months left in this school year. I feel like he has given up enough for me already.

I asked another friend and she told me to get a restraining order until I can get all my stuff out of the house and move into the apartments near her, that are cheap. He tells me it's my fault he acts like this b/c I trigger his PTSD, it's just I don't know what else to do. I don't want to make the situation worse for him, or me.

 

[Brontie]

So what will it take for you to move away from this horrible situation - you or your son being physically hurt? I think you are either missing or ignoring the signs. It sounds like the love has gone. What is there to hang around for? Find a way to get to your parents. I’m sure that once there they won’t shut the door on you.

 

[AngelaMarie]

Brontie,
Sometimes the family does shut the door. I hope it is not so for her. It was for me. I had no one to go to when life got tough. I hope by your comment you have a good relationship with your parents?:)

 

[Brontie]

AngelaMarie,

I hope my post wasn’t offensive. It wasn’t meant to be. It was meant to be a nudge in the right direction but it might not come across as I intended. Oops!!!

I’m one of the lucky ones depending on how you look at it I suppose. My parents are gone. But I as a parent would never close the door to any of my kids no matter what.

I’m so sorry you got that treatment from your parents.
And I hope re0916 fairs better with her parents.

Sorry for any offence my post may have caused. I read and then I type a response.

 

[AngelaMarie]

Excellent response, no offense taken. That's why we are here. To hear each others opinions!!!!;)

 

[re0916]

Brontie,

No offense was taken on my part. It really helps to hear what my heart is already telling me to do. I am just trying to hold out so my son can finish school and then leave and go back where my family is. My parents are trying to tell me to work it out, but they just don't understand how easy that may sound but how hard that is. Yesterday he came around the neighborhood telling the neighbors I am bi polar and to watch out for me if I hurt my son or myself. This was embarasing (sp) since these people are my neighbors, but an eye opener to see the lengths he will go to, to try and push the blame on someone else besides himself.

 

[AngelaMarie]

re0916,
His behaviour shows how sick he is! Stand your ground, guard your son and get the heck away from him. You do not deserve this treatment. Remember how badly he is behaving when times get tough. We are here to support you.:tup:

 

[becvan]

Yesterday he came around the neighborhood telling the neighbors I am bi polar and to watch out for me if I hurt my son or myself.

Get the hell out now! This is not embarrassing behaviour this is terrifying! He already has his back up "your crazy" story polished and in place for when he BEATS YOU and YOUR SON! This is not PTSD this is woman beater! Please leave for your sake and your sons sake.

bec

 

[re0916]

Update...

Since we are married, recently married March 4, I must add. My parents are no support. My mom says that I took an oath before god and I have to stick it out. ( See my blog for the whole story on that) So long story short he came back. He his calm and nothing bad has happened. He is cold, unaffectionate, doesn't want to talk to me or about our problems. Oh, and he came back without his daughters. He has his mom watching them until we work on this marriage and not argue. He doesn't want his kids watching us argue anymore. So he came back to work on this marriage, yet anytime I bring anything up that we need to talk about he closes up and changes the topic. PTSD thing? IDK anymore, I feel so alone, depressed, miserable, used. I went on the internet before coming on here to look up annulments. I can't imagine the rest of my life like this. I have nobody here I can talk to, all my friends are across the US, my parents only believe in marriage, and I really don't want to worry my mom anymore she hasn't been sleeping well since I told her what is going on and she is i 63, and I don't want to worry about her health on top of everything else.

I hate him, I hate that he wants to control me, I hate that I am so miserable and want to cry all the time, I hate the fact I have no one, I hate that he lied to get me to come here and marry him, I hate him!