Is This Apology Real?

[Tanishq]

I was in contact with this person through some spirituality forum. Last year I decided to take out myself from their forum because it didn't resonate with me and most time I would be staying there clueless about what to write. I never had anything to contribute there, I don't know why. This is why I decided to leave their forums and stay in connection with this person.

I have some other personal reasons with some other people there on that forum. I didn't want to raise any fight and didn't want to spoil the peaceful they have got there. So I moved on silently.

I chatted with this person many times on Skype. They know what I have been gone through. After some days they stopped chatting with me. It was all of sudden. They didn't send me any response. So I thought it is good now they will get some rest. They have been helpful to me a lot. We will connect after some time when they are done with their things.

After sometime I thought to mail them, ask about their wellbeing and they told me they are sorry. They have neglected me and they had their things to deal with. I told them, it's fine and I can understand. I told them don't worry about me, my issues are major and you all don't need to stop your lives.

After month, I went to their forums because I had not posted anything on their forum for a year. So I went there after two weeks and posted a little bit around. I told them I have got things to manage and I am doing okok. Again this person came where I was responding to other person's thread. They derailed the thread and they told me,"they are sorry that they have neglected me. They had their personal things to deal with." I again told them I am fine.

Several days later I found that admin deleted that thread where I was talking with them.

Last week I received two emails from their forum, they were asking all members to participate in their forum and I decided to tell them I am leaving. Not directly, but I told them I can't tell when I come back. I told them I am not discussing much about spirituality and personal development things.

This person again came in my thread where I was letting them(forum members) know facts and they again told me that they are sorry that they have been neglectful to me. I got pissed off and told them merry christmas and happy new year.

Now I feel they have are dramatic and showing me fake apologies.

What do you think? I have lost trust for this person. I have sworn I will never go their place and don't want to hear that word.

 

[Chrissyy]

It's not really our place to say if they meant their apology or not, but I would be wary if they're continually apologising for the exact same thing and making no effort to change it. I don't think they are deliberately not being in touch, but I think if they really meant it they would start trying more often.

 

[Tanishq]

Yes, you're right. I am not in that place to say it is real or not. Chrissy I don't know anything for sure. I am trying to make it clear. But I don't think now I will be able to. It caught my attention when they deleted that thread. They have done it for three times and they know I don't mind anything like that. Then why they keep telling the same thing every time they see me. I feel bad.

 

[Chrissyy]

Why don't you speak to them about it? See if that changes anything, maybe they don't realise that they're upsetting you.

 

[Tanishq]

I am afraid that they will say the same thing over and over. It makes me feel what if they are doing this all to avoid me. I have heard such answers countless times in my life.

I will ask them after some time.

 

[DharmaGirl]

When I'm not sure I usually ask, "How are you wanting me to respond to this?" That puts it back in their court to explain.

 

[Tanishq]

Mo1977, that helps. They have put me in awkward position about how to respond. Thank you. That will explain more. :)

 

[Loner]

If it were me, I'd just stop caring about them. People come and go, it doesnt mean you werent friends, its just the way of the world. Especially online only friendships, people just move on.

 

[Tanishq]

Thank you Loner. I felt that strongly, not to care about them. Their words just threw me off.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Jaret,

Can you identify the specific behavior(s) or remark(s) that you feel/felt hurt by? It would be easier for me to give feedback with more specific details.

Do you think the members are basically good-willed people? If not, yeah, I'd leave. But if you think it's possible they just aren't understanding what you are asking, maybe we could help you state your needs more clearly so they know what they are.

Am I understanding that you'd like to still be allowed to 'lurk' but don't feel up to contributing at this time? That's a very valid position and understandable request, if so.

Regardless, it's ok to choose to believe or not to believe their apology. If you feel it's sincere, then you have the choice whether or not to forgive, whether or not to extend trust again, whether or not to continue the relationship at all. It's all ok. Do what is best for you and honor your feelings on this.

I'm sorry if I'm not following am kinda struggling a bit today for mental clarity. :>

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Jaret I think everyone gave good thoughts to you. I think that if they keep apologizing and not changing not to believe it anymore. Hugs.

 

[Tanishq]

Hi Bloominwinter,

Can you identify the specific behavior(s) or remark(s) that you feel/felt hurt by?

Yes, they have left me without letting me know before. I can see that pattern now. But I never took it personally. It began to catch me this time when they apologized the same thing over and over for three times. They know what I am going through and what is my condition. But I think they are angry with something else and doing this to me. I keep feeling they are doing this all on purpose.

Do you think the members are basically good-willed people?

Now I don't think so. Since this person apologized three times, I have bad feelings.

It looks this person wants to drag me to their forums. I don't fit to their forums. They have done some unbelievable things.

I don't consider to go back to them and give them another chance to do this all. It's all enough for me and I am done with them.

I'm sorry if I'm not following am kinda struggling a bit today for mental clarity. :>

It's ok. You made good questions and it is helping me to become clear on this. I appreciate it.

I wish you feel well today. :)