Just started emdr and struggling with sleep

[Beckstar1982]

I had 2nd session of EMDR on Friday and haven't felt great since. I'm fine during the day but when it comes to evenings/night I am having hot sweats, sickness, nausea and trembling. Last night I went up to the toilet and couldn't move without being really dizzy, feeling like I would fall down and sweating and just laid on the bathroom floor for about 2 hours before I could move.

From reading online I think the sessions we are doing are preparation as are recent minor events so I'm worried that when we get to the real trauma I will react as I am doing at home when I try to relax. I thought I had got over panic attacks and am frustrated as nothing helped, not the deep breathing or trying to tell myself it was nothing to worry about etc. I'm seeing a somatic therapist tomorrow and find it difficult to control myself in there so don't know how I will be. However/wherever she touches me I want to cry but I'm supposed to be getting better.

When I try to sleep I struggle and wake up every hour or 2 sweating after a nightmare, some I remember and others I don't. I seem to be constantly aroused by everything and nothing or have really inappropriate responses to stuff like laughing when its not funny.

Has anyone else experienced this and how long did it last/did it get better?

Thanks xx

 

[ParalyzedMind]

Dear Beckstar1982.

I have had countless EMDR therapy sessions, probably 50+ and what you are talking about happened to me as well. We started with minor events from as far back as I can remember in life and worked on making these events seem mundane and then gradually inched towards current events. Yes, I had horrible ruminations in the brain and still do, but it is also helping me to gradually adapt to trauma. He is the only one I can talk about the events with and feel "OK" afterwards. I wake up every night, who knows how many times and have to be dead tired to sleep. At this point, the EMDR is the only way for me to even touch the trauma. Some sessions are better than others for sure.

Has EMDR been a "fix"? Not really, but it have definitely helped me to process things that enter my brain at odd times. If you have had only two sessions so far and has this reaction, it could also be a good thing if you keep up the sessions and stay close to yoru therapist.

Finally, I cannot say enough how important it is to have a therapist you can feel good with. Mine is AWESOME, psychiatrist with extra specialty as well; trained psychotherapist and enormous amounts of experience. Also, during sessions, always be active with saying your thoughts and fears. It took a lot of work to get to the bottom of my problems and I may still not be there.

 

[Beckstar1982]

Dear Beckstar1982.

I have had countless EMDR therapy sessions, probably 50+ and what you are...

Thanks @ParalyzedMind really good to know its not just me. I am wondering if I will be able to continue EMDR as have had such an intense reaction but like you say it must be doing something I guess. I'm struggling with my T, she seems really nice and is asking some good/challenging questions, doesn't take my bullshit which I like but I don't trust easily and I don't know her, never had therapy before, find it odd that she reacts to nothing, question that she has to be nice for her job, think she doesn't like me, wonder how I can make her like me, wonder why she does things she does (like always is writing and not paying attention to me when I hand her money, sends me a text in error, as soon and wonder if they are all psychological tests of some kind). When she shuts the door she always runs upstairs really quickly and I wonder why, is she watching me from the window or busily preparing for the next client. Obviously all my issues not hers, I like her and can see us working well together as time goes on though found out the other session she is in her 60s (I guessed 50s) so now wonder if she will retire and whether its worth even doing it and going through effort of building relationship etc.
It sometimes seems that the aim of it all is to keep me in present/forget about all the trauma which is what I was doing before my breakdown and ended up in shit creek. Its all so confusing and I have pretty much retreated from my life, resigned from work, separated from husband as couldn't cope with any of it anymore.
Seems to me that its all so overwhelming and I struggle in EMDR to separate everyday things from other traumatic things. Everything is so entwined and twisted. Glad to hear it is helping you to process and hopefully thats what I will see in coming weeks/months too.

 

[ParalyzedMind]

First of all, I know this may sound odd, but don't be too preoccupied whether she "likes you", or not. This is NOT critique of your thinking. I was struggling with the same. Remember, we want some acceptance and comfort in our mind, but the goals of a therapist is different and may not always coincide with your goals.

My therapist always sets me straight, confronts my thought pattern and at times don't say to much, but the "therapeutic pause" is also designed to make you more comfortable with self-reflection.

My therapist is above 70 and has been doing this forever. IMHO, if she is in her 60's it is BETTER for you than younger, as it may suggest she has been doing it for a while. If she leaves quickly after you are done, that doesn't surprise me much. Remember, PTSD and EMDR therapists are in huge demand and the supply simply is not there to take care of all of us. It is incredibly time consuming. Compare this to the regular physician visit with sloppy handshake and a prescription and off you are.

PTSD therapists have seen and heard it all and to some extent they all get "blunted" and conditioned not to exaggerate responses. You are traumatized and your critical concerns are reasonable, but just know that she has her style; has her mode that has worked for her and you are VERY new to this with only two sessions. If you are concerned about whether or not she will retire, ask her.

Finally, I am not old, but if I ever recover from this, I will be working 'till I am 200. Don't let age get at you. The older we get, the more resilient our minds get as well. The brain is very plastic and with the right treatment and time it heals better than anything we know.

 

[Beckstar1982]

Yeah I get my thoughts about her liking me are part of my problem. How do you stop worrying about that?

Her age genuinely doesn't bother me but just worry she will retire and I would have to find someone else. I prob should just ask her but never seems appropriate. I'm been seeing her for 3 months now largely every week or other week but just 2 sessions of EMDR.

 

[ParalyzedMind]

When we have had trauma like this, it is natural to strive for acceptance from anyone, especially the one you are going to reveal your inner feelings to. This is the challenge of a therapists-patient relationship. Remember, you are injured, damaged, hurt and rebuilding emotional integrity is a huge challenge here.

I like my therapist, really do, but building up your own integrity without being emotionally "clingy" is a very important part of recovering. I struggle with the same thing and think many PTSD sufferers do. At one end, we do not want to open up to ANYONE, but paradoxically enough, we seek recognition from those who are helping us. This is why therapist and trauma recovery is so challenging with regards to boundaries.

Asking a therapist ANYTHING is appropriate. Do NOT hold back here. She needs to know your fears and concerns to move on. Trust me on this. I know it is a hard thing to try overcoming the thirst for someone to get close to, even personal, but this is not the job of a therapist. As a physician and healer, I have had to deal with this every day with my patients and the better a job I do, the more important it is to keep emotional boundaries. This is why it is important to build up a connection to some friends and friends only as well.

With regards to EMDR, I personally think the more the better. It is very potent tool and can rattle your brain, but at the same time, it will help your pathways to rest themselves. 2 sessions is nothing, but a start to build upon. I have done probably over 50 sessions now and think I would have been dead if I hadn't had as much help as I did. Please be persistent, build your inner peace and strength and do not worry about a therapist not liking you (from your own subjective impressions). Also, I would even consider raising this to her as a concern of yours.

I don't know if I will ever be a physician again. I still have license and was practicing as late as last week, but am now just finishing up paper work and am not ready to practice any more. However, it breaks my heart and terrifies me that I cannot do what I was called to in this life. Still, if I went on practicing now, I would give my patients parts of my suffering.

You are asking the right questions and seem very genuine. Take that to your therapist and I promise you she will only reassure you whatever concerns you have if she is a normal, god one.

Be blessed and as a fellow patient to another, I also hope to learn from you and everyone else here. As you can see my response is very scattered and non-focused. I was not like that as a physician, but very structured and direct. I have pride over the people I helped heal in my career, but now I cannot do anything but take a patient role and it still feels odd.

 

[Beckstar1982]

Not scattered at all, really useful and I know what you mean about not working, I've been off for 3 months now and resigned recently as won't go back. Its very strange considering I've being a workaholic and not done a lot else other than work the last 10 years.

I'm not seeing T until a week on Friday now so guess I'll wait and sit out new symptoms until then. Thanks for your replies, it is interesting and helpful for me to hear your story.