BoN-bOn
Gold Member
So I’ve made some pretty big mistakes over the last few years. My coping mechanisms just all went to crap when I moved closer to family & realized I couldnt count on my siblings for support. I never realized how necessary it is to have support when you are a single mom (not to mention battling PTSD, which I didn’t even know about).
I’ve been barely hanging on for a while without much outside support other than my therapist & my job & this site. I started using alcohol more often as a way to manage the anxiety, sleeping, & nightmares but it started causing me a lot of problems & only made things worse in the long run. I’ve never drank that often...I work too dang much as an RN, but there is a tendency to overdo it/binge/abuse alcohol when I DO drink.
The thing is, I know it’s made me look unstable or less believable now that I’ve confronted my family/past. I know that I shouldn’t be so concerned about what other people think. I told the truth & i can’t control how other people react to it...but I’ve really screwed up with drinking too much & getting myself into legal trouble. Repeatedly. I know it looks bad & I am so ashamed.
I really am a good mom & nurse. I just know my family is going to use this to make me look bad so that they don’t have to face the truth. Sure, go ahead use me as the scapegoat so no one will believe me...”the crazy, alcoholic, delusional baby sister.” :(
When all I REALLY need is love & support.
I’ve never felt so alone in my entire life.
& they know that if they beat me down I don’t know how to stand up for myself. It’s gotten to the point that I’ve blocked them from my phone & social media & have made them aware that if they show up at my house to harass me again I will call the police.
I honestly (cross my heart) haven’t drank in over a month & before that it was several months but they are making it look like I’m some raging alcoholic. I need some encouragement because I am starting to feel defeated by life & have never felt so close to giving up before. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of trying to defend myself. I really just want to crawl in a hole & die & if it weren’t for my son I probably would end it.
I’ve been barely hanging on for a while without much outside support other than my therapist & my job & this site. I started using alcohol more often as a way to manage the anxiety, sleeping, & nightmares but it started causing me a lot of problems & only made things worse in the long run. I’ve never drank that often...I work too dang much as an RN, but there is a tendency to overdo it/binge/abuse alcohol when I DO drink.
The thing is, I know it’s made me look unstable or less believable now that I’ve confronted my family/past. I know that I shouldn’t be so concerned about what other people think. I told the truth & i can’t control how other people react to it...but I’ve really screwed up with drinking too much & getting myself into legal trouble. Repeatedly. I know it looks bad & I am so ashamed.
I really am a good mom & nurse. I just know my family is going to use this to make me look bad so that they don’t have to face the truth. Sure, go ahead use me as the scapegoat so no one will believe me...”the crazy, alcoholic, delusional baby sister.” :(
When all I REALLY need is love & support.
I’ve never felt so alone in my entire life.
& they know that if they beat me down I don’t know how to stand up for myself. It’s gotten to the point that I’ve blocked them from my phone & social media & have made them aware that if they show up at my house to harass me again I will call the police.
I honestly (cross my heart) haven’t drank in over a month & before that it was several months but they are making it look like I’m some raging alcoholic. I need some encouragement because I am starting to feel defeated by life & have never felt so close to giving up before. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of trying to defend myself. I really just want to crawl in a hole & die & if it weren’t for my son I probably would end it.
