T
TeddydaBear62
Hello.
First I would like to say that this site doesn't seem to support android, so I likely won't be posting very often. I am Teddy......I have PTSD. I was never diagnosed until a year ago. It all came to light over a relatively short couple of years. I didn't have an ideal life, but it was relatively ok. I lost my job in 1997......yes........that is 17 years...... I tried for over a year to find another.......but no luck. I had fallen through the cracks in education. employers used to value ability and character. But now they only value credentials (college degree). You see.......I had the God-given ability to draw.
Short of moving to New York or Chicago.....there were no such jobs in my area at the time. This was my home and I wasn't interested in leaving. My family was all here. So I entered the engineering field. I could draw and use my math skills. I was exceptional, because of my drawing ability. I rose to the top quickly. I was a self-made person and proved a degree was not necessary to do a complex job. Then the computer came into use. Then any monkey could draw. No one was exceptional. My ability meant nothing. I did learn to draw on the computer.....but it offered no satisfaction as drawing by hand did. After that period of time.......it was nearly impossible to get a job. Employers did't care about experience or ability. Greed drove the business world like never before.
And they were only hiring those with a degree. I am sorry....there are those of us that are just not able to go back to school. I knew mentally I couldn't do it. Anyway........my loving wife could see what a stress this was on me. She was working in a factory and making bunches of money. I was very proud of her. She told me to stay at home, take care of our little farm and try to start a business. Which I tried, but I had no entrepreneurial spirit.
Soon after my mom got sick. She had luekemia. We almost lost her. Doctors wouldn't see her with a pre-existing condition. Finallly after calling sixteen different doctors, I found a doctor that would see her and helped to save her. My wife and I took care of my mom 24/7 at our home for four months. She finally recovered enough to return to her own home. A short couple of years after.....mom was having problems living on her own. She was then diagnosed with alzheimers disease. So back she came to our house to live permanently. She was with us for about a year, when she suffered electrical failure of her heart. She had a pacemaker installed, but only after nearly dying on the operating table. We got her home and began taking care of her once again.
Now up to January of 2012....
Prior to January......my wife got notice of a massive lay off at her work. Prior to that notice....I noticed a dark change in my wife. She began to read this series of books. They were religious books. My wife was a loving and caring person. I could literally see the light in her eyes. But now her face was dark and sullen. I always asked her nearly every day......what was the matter? She would always answer.....nothing. Then she got annoyed at me asking. That was not like my wife. After the layoff.....I caught her chanting in tongues.....and reading other books on identifying demons. This scared my mother and I. I started to have night terrors. I would wake around 3 or 4 in the morning.....just shaking. I didn't understand it. I cried a lot.
That brings us back to my mother coming back home after getting her pacemaker. My wife and I were having conflicts about her religious expression. One day in June was my 50th birthday. I was so looking forward to it. But no one remembered. No party. Not even a card. A week after that....my wife and I had another conflict. She went outside to read the bible. I went inside to talk to my mom. We talked about all the bad things that were happening. We talked about family. And through the discussion....she revealed I was adopted! Oh my God!.....I was devestated!
Later after a few months, my wife left me after an argument. She abandoned me with my sick mother! And no income! She went all the way down to Florida to be with her mother....how sad. I found out later that her mother was the influence in this nutty religious practice. She interfered in her other two daughters marriages too! And broke up those relationships too! My night terrors were getting worse and worse. My wife finally contacted me after a couple weeks. She wanted to come back and do couples therapy with me. But that wasn't true. I began to see a psychiatrist, and that is where I got diagnosed. With no income...I could not afford to continue seeing him.
What the doctor told me was.....a person needs at least six months to recover from a traumatic experience. But my traumas kept coming one after another. There was no recovery time. In February.....2013 my beloved greyhound died of pancreatic cancer. Everyone encouraged me to divorce my wife... They kept telling me if she incurred a major debt, I would be 50% responsible for it. So I did so.... June 24, 2013 my divorce was final. Two days later my mom died. I almost didn't live through that week. Now as executer of the estate I had to deal with that and the disposition of property to my wife at the same time. My family was gone, my loving and caring wife was gone......my friends that were few, don't want to be near me.
I have no job.....no income......
I often ask "what did I do to deserve all this?"
I am to the point......I can no longer function.
I don't see any purpose in my life.
I am sad, alone.....and cry a lot.
First I would like to say that this site doesn't seem to support android, so I likely won't be posting very often. I am Teddy......I have PTSD. I was never diagnosed until a year ago. It all came to light over a relatively short couple of years. I didn't have an ideal life, but it was relatively ok. I lost my job in 1997......yes........that is 17 years...... I tried for over a year to find another.......but no luck. I had fallen through the cracks in education. employers used to value ability and character. But now they only value credentials (college degree). You see.......I had the God-given ability to draw.
Short of moving to New York or Chicago.....there were no such jobs in my area at the time. This was my home and I wasn't interested in leaving. My family was all here. So I entered the engineering field. I could draw and use my math skills. I was exceptional, because of my drawing ability. I rose to the top quickly. I was a self-made person and proved a degree was not necessary to do a complex job. Then the computer came into use. Then any monkey could draw. No one was exceptional. My ability meant nothing. I did learn to draw on the computer.....but it offered no satisfaction as drawing by hand did. After that period of time.......it was nearly impossible to get a job. Employers did't care about experience or ability. Greed drove the business world like never before.
And they were only hiring those with a degree. I am sorry....there are those of us that are just not able to go back to school. I knew mentally I couldn't do it. Anyway........my loving wife could see what a stress this was on me. She was working in a factory and making bunches of money. I was very proud of her. She told me to stay at home, take care of our little farm and try to start a business. Which I tried, but I had no entrepreneurial spirit.
Soon after my mom got sick. She had luekemia. We almost lost her. Doctors wouldn't see her with a pre-existing condition. Finallly after calling sixteen different doctors, I found a doctor that would see her and helped to save her. My wife and I took care of my mom 24/7 at our home for four months. She finally recovered enough to return to her own home. A short couple of years after.....mom was having problems living on her own. She was then diagnosed with alzheimers disease. So back she came to our house to live permanently. She was with us for about a year, when she suffered electrical failure of her heart. She had a pacemaker installed, but only after nearly dying on the operating table. We got her home and began taking care of her once again.
Now up to January of 2012....
Prior to January......my wife got notice of a massive lay off at her work. Prior to that notice....I noticed a dark change in my wife. She began to read this series of books. They were religious books. My wife was a loving and caring person. I could literally see the light in her eyes. But now her face was dark and sullen. I always asked her nearly every day......what was the matter? She would always answer.....nothing. Then she got annoyed at me asking. That was not like my wife. After the layoff.....I caught her chanting in tongues.....and reading other books on identifying demons. This scared my mother and I. I started to have night terrors. I would wake around 3 or 4 in the morning.....just shaking. I didn't understand it. I cried a lot.
That brings us back to my mother coming back home after getting her pacemaker. My wife and I were having conflicts about her religious expression. One day in June was my 50th birthday. I was so looking forward to it. But no one remembered. No party. Not even a card. A week after that....my wife and I had another conflict. She went outside to read the bible. I went inside to talk to my mom. We talked about all the bad things that were happening. We talked about family. And through the discussion....she revealed I was adopted! Oh my God!.....I was devestated!
Later after a few months, my wife left me after an argument. She abandoned me with my sick mother! And no income! She went all the way down to Florida to be with her mother....how sad. I found out later that her mother was the influence in this nutty religious practice. She interfered in her other two daughters marriages too! And broke up those relationships too! My night terrors were getting worse and worse. My wife finally contacted me after a couple weeks. She wanted to come back and do couples therapy with me. But that wasn't true. I began to see a psychiatrist, and that is where I got diagnosed. With no income...I could not afford to continue seeing him.
What the doctor told me was.....a person needs at least six months to recover from a traumatic experience. But my traumas kept coming one after another. There was no recovery time. In February.....2013 my beloved greyhound died of pancreatic cancer. Everyone encouraged me to divorce my wife... They kept telling me if she incurred a major debt, I would be 50% responsible for it. So I did so.... June 24, 2013 my divorce was final. Two days later my mom died. I almost didn't live through that week. Now as executer of the estate I had to deal with that and the disposition of property to my wife at the same time. My family was gone, my loving and caring wife was gone......my friends that were few, don't want to be near me.
I have no job.....no income......
I often ask "what did I do to deserve all this?"
I am to the point......I can no longer function.
I don't see any purpose in my life.
I am sad, alone.....and cry a lot.
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