Military Vet With Ptsd

[heatherfeather]

I found this thread by accident, while googling PTSD. Currently my boyfriend and I are on another break.
We have gone down this road twice before. He served 9 years in the Army and I believe 3 tours in war (2 forsure). He is also a former Drill Sgt. He has gone through two divorces and has full custody of his son, who is 3 from a former GF who just up and left both of them.
I can hear all the thoughts, red flag, red flag but please read on.

At first I thought he just had trust issues from women in his life leaving him however I started looking more into the PTSD. He has been diagnosed with it but he claims it isn't severe. I believed him because he doesn't have nightmares but he drinks too much.
He has talked to me before about seeing some buddies being blown up when they were on a convo and there is even a video of him being interviewed after it happened on DVIDS.

I also feel like we are on a emotional rollar coaster. We are happy and content when we are together, kisses and love you's etc. However as soon as we get close again in our relationship he pulls away and says he doesn't want to hurt me, not sure if he loves me even though he says it. He gets distant, I start to think there is someone else etc. I ask questions to get more insight, and I myself get a little insecure about who I am and where we stand. Which I think puts more stress on him. I keep telling him that I am here for him and I won't leave...however I don't know if I should stay or if he truly doesn't want me in his life. Is it the PTSD? I have told him that I need him to communicate with me on things.

Recently he told me that he is so emotionally numb and he has all these walls up around him. He also said he only truely feels love for his son. After a long texting type conversation, I didn't hear from him for a few hours then I get a random text that said .."what is wrong with me?" Just reading this broke my heart because I really want to help him.

We have already gone to the VA in WI for other symptoms like headaches etc he is experiencing. However I need him to go back and talk to someone more about PTSD.

I love this man and his son more then anything. When I first met him and his son, I knew they were my future.His son also loves me, he calls me Feather and I believe it is totally confusing the heck out of him with me coming in and out of his life. I know he thinks I am more committed to him and his son then he is to me. I believe it is from the PTSD and the trama of having all these women (even his mom) leave him.

Right now we are on a no contact and I haven't heard from him in 3 days now. I am doing my own thing but when he contacts me again, I have to tell him we need to get help. Is this the right thing? I honestly feel so silently rejected if that makes sense.

I want to understand even if it is over for closure, that I didnt do anything wrong but love him.

Sorry if this is jumbled and there are spelling mistakes, it is 3:30 in the morning, I am tired but I need answers.

 

[Zipperhead]

I beleave you were already told about the supporters area over in the PTSD Forum. Lots of folks over there that will understand. I would just cut and paste your thread over there if I were you. Why type it twice? Best of luck, off you go then.

 

[heatherfeather]

Thanks :)

 

[jamz]

Heatherfeather,

Seeing its June and your post was from May... I hope you have made some decisions.

If I may give some advice....??

First, he must do what is right for him and only him... not you or his son.
Once he comes to terms with his state then he can appreciate bot his family and friends in ways different than now.

Part of PTSD is emotional numbness and a feeling to retreat for various reasons. For myself, I said I was protecting others from my nonsense. What I was actually doing was avoiding the whole issue.

He must come to full terms of his state of mind and health. No more wishy washy "It might be this or that.", I'm no psychologist but it does sound like PTSD.

Second he must find the help that best supports him, and I mean treatment. Support from loved ones is very important but unless you are a qualified in dealing with this... it's best to leave this to the professionals.

I understand where he is; it's hard for soldiers to say "Help!" when we have sacrificed and committed our lives to helping others. He has to take that first step himself, if not the how willing is he to open up and let treatment work for him.

Be honest with him, if you love him love him, show him tell him. But you must set limits and boundaries for yourself. And both yours and his must be respected.

There is a lot of guilt involved and guilt is one factor that makes treatment that much more difficult.
Now saying this... IT IS NO ONES FAULT.

If he says "Everyone leaves me!!??", well then look at yourself and ask "Why?" If the reasons are evident then work from there. What he is suffering from is not his fault but if he handles it in a way that becomes destructive for him and others then it is.

I hope this helps?