Relationship Most Heart Breaking Thing I Have Ever Had To Do

[Learning123]

Hey LB,

In answer to your question, do I still want us to be GF and GF? - no I don't want to get back with her now, but I did for a long time and I know how painful it is, believe me. I mean 24/7 my head was stuck in this cycle of negative thoughts, I lost 35lbs in weight, I couldn't sleep, I was so so low and so worried about her, so I know what you are going through.

All I can say is that it WILL get better, the pain gets less and less, (people used to tell me that and I couldn't see how, I wanted her back so so much) but now I am happy with being friends forever (I hope forever) and so is she, we seem to get along really well right now and I will always love her. You say you would love to get to where I am now, you will, but it takes time, this is still early days for you, I'm about 6 months in.

On a really positive note, you sound like you really care for this person, and I know how that feels, so I think that you are heading in the right direction when you say you want her to be happy. And you sound as though you are caring for 'you' which is so important (difficult but important). If you want to PM me or ask any questions feel free, because I've been there (and don't get me wrong I do have bad days still) but I do understand and anything I can do to help, I am more than happy to ok. Hang in there LB you are doing really well. big hugs x

 

[lovinbiker]

Hi I will send you a message now,

Thanks for your words knwoing that its possible to get through this sort of thing does help

LB

 

[PTSDT]

LB,

Thank you for sharing what a Carer can go through. I hope you can see (even in pain and turmoil) how special and patient one must be to continue to love through all of the cycles that are involved with PTSD. I often get so scared my Carer(s) will reject me that I go way overboard trying to get rid of them and then regret it. It takes a good person to be as loyal as a Carer.

The Carer who is the main person in my life right now was the person I was with 10-12 years ago during my biggest trauma that brought me down so low. When I needed him most, he was acting very selfish and let his ego rule him. I broke up with him because of very little support. He then went through a terrible time and ruined his career and hit bottom. I got married to someone I would never have married if I had not had PTSD. That person pushed me over the PTSD edge completely.

About 2 1/2 years after we broke up, the boyfriend who thought he was Mr. Big Stuff began calling me to make amends for not being supportive during what I was going through. He called me every few months for the next three years. I was taking care of my own things and sick. I talked to him, and he wanted me back, but things didn't seem right. However, I lost my room mate and he was not a great boyfriend, but always a pretty good room mate. I have to have a room mate to survive and I am too sick to worry about a stranger here.

I ended up trying to find him because I wanted to see if he would be my room mate again the year after I divorced the husband. I couldn't find him. He had moved. I even paid to try to find out where he was to no avail. About three months later, he called me. Since then, we have been through many ups and downs. But he has made a solemn promise to be my Carer through this. He continues to prove himself to me. We break up and get back together. But, I am beginning to see that he means it. I call him frantic, crying, etc. and he is there for me now. He may become my room mate again at some point. Our relationship is very different now. We are older. I never felt fully supported by him. I was the supportive one back then until a nightmare trauma hit me.

I guess what I'm trying to say is keep living your life. Years go by fast when we look back at them. She may see that she really could trust you and you were the best person for her. But, you may both need to go through your own experiences and experiences with other people before you will see if you mean anything to each other again in the future.

Carers are equally as important as Sufferers. Go on a personal search. Consider reading some books or getting counseling so you ensure you know how to assert your boundaries with others.

We can dream about future goals. But there is always a path it's not our choice to follow and we never know where we will end up. Five years ago, I would never have even considered that this man would be back in my life giving me more emotional support than my own family.

 

[lovinbiker]

Hi PTSDT,

Wow your story really had an impact on me, I am glad that he realised that he wasnt supportive enough all those years ago. I did so much harm to her through my ignorance of ptsd at the start that I think I made her ill.

I would wait forever too see my D again she means so much to me and I will certainly take your advise on reading and bettering myself.

I know she loves me dearly and I love her more than anything, I hope she will one day see what she means to me and that I would never willingly do anything to cause her pain.I am prepared to do what I need to, what ever may get thrown at me.

Love is easy to say but I will prove it to her in time no matter how long it takes.

She is my other half

Good luck and take care

LB