Relationship Moving Through Ptsd With Your Sufferer

[Nicolette]

If you are one of the lucky Supporters who has a Sufferer wanting to improve him/herself and is working on management of PTSD, how do you cope with these changes in them?

Personally as things have improved more and more over time the "fallouts" are less expected and tend to hit harder compared to when in that phase of the illness of dealing with it on a more regular frequency.

I find with progress it is easier to forget the bad times so when they hit they have greater impact. You start to forget about the PTSD and seem to go to a somewhat normal life and then get smacked in the face that it is still there.

Past situations which have had unfavorable outcomes tend to find me on the back foot when a similar situation arises expecting the worst.

The only thing I have struggled to move forward with is the hurt from the isolation as no matter what anyone says to me, being ignored or treated like I'm non-existent still cuts no matter the logic behind it or the comment on here which is sometimes difficult to digest "it has nothing to do with you". IMHO, hell yeah it does when I'm walking on egg shells in my own home.

What are your experiences?

 

[amethist]

I have to agree with you Nicolette, the bad dips can catch you out at times.

Some you can see coming, but the unexpected ones can be harder to deal with, for both sides. Yes you do forget how bad it can be, when you have had a reasonable time of low symptom issues.

Isolation is one thing I have not had to deal with very often, but I can understand how hard this must be for supporters. Not because of my husband now, but from my ex, no PTSD, he would ignore me, push me away, and go off and do his own thing. I stayed home to look after house, home and kids while he went off with who ever at the time. Not that I knew this at first.

Walking on egg shells should be a no go thing, but I know this is not possible all the time. Even I have had to be careful with some conversations over the last week. But when he was back to reality, then I took them back up again, with the emphasis on "You do not talk to me like that, I do not do it to you, so show some respect for me, no matter how ill you are".

But this is me, and I know I can do and say most things, with out too much fear of any come back.

Maybe the actual PTSD itself has nothing to do with us, but the impact it causes at times does.

 

[Srain]

I'm glad you posted this because this is what we are dealing with and what have been discussing. What I have always loved about my Carer (I really don't like that name, sorry, though at times he has been more and less, I guess I hate that sense of dependence---can you say EGO, why yes, I can ;)) is that he is well able to entertain himself as am I. Our home is set up so that we can have our own space and I take advantage of it but I believe he has not enjoyed it as much as I have at times.

The more I change I see his edginess and the "wait for it ..." :( I can only imagine how hard that must be for you all. I will try to keep in mind what you have posted, it is so important.

Thank you so much Nicolette
Rain

 

[BloomInWinter]

Well, the cause of my PTSD is not at all my hubby or kid's doing, but the have to live with the effects too....

Denying it affects them would be the same as an active drunk invalidating the feelings of those around them.

The impact on them drives me to keep working on this. It does feed into my shame and guilt, too... and I know we all have to work out symptom management on these things together as a team. This is the 'why', I think.

But, there are healthier times to deal with the wreckage and times to just give space and wait for the clouds to clear.

 

[May1321]

But, there are healthier times to deal with the wreckage and times to just give space and wait for the clouds to clear.

This is so great to hear you recognize this too BloomInWinter. It is the hardest thing in communication for anyone to learn and I think a huge part of maturity for all relationships. 'What type of person do you want to be? What type of relationship do you want to have?' = it's all in how we communicate!

My sufferer and I both come from explosive families. My parents theory was 'Even if we are yelling at the top of our lungs, we are still communicating.' After being away from the house for years, I came to find I didn't like the explosiveness and wanted to be able to communicate my feelings, and take a breath before I said something that I'd regret. I don't also don't want to engage my sufferer (or whomever) to say something that'll hurt but I do think it is healthy to communicate what we are feeling and sometimes that means at a healthier time.

I've since almost 'retrained' my family in this respect, but it this communication style is definitely put to the test with PTSD which also includes my brother's symptoms (coming from the same family and communication design). He has worked more with his wife on his communication style but seems to digress when he's frustrated with me. Fortunately, I've had more practice with him in "waiting out the clouds to clear" so when my sufferer started to show his signs, I was able to jump right in, but it is challenging when buttons are getting pushed especially when those buttons are pushing beyond the normal stress levels of the 'cup' into the PTSD.

Great thread, BTW!