My Diploma Film

[Red Feather]

Thank you for the article. It seems really good and I will read through it.

I think it is just very noticeable for me that as soon as I showed this film to the public I got really triggered. I even had dreams my ex would come into my home and attack me and stuff. Totally out of the blue... This also led to a huge conflict I had with other class members during the open house exhibition at the end of the year, which was sort of like a retraumatisation.

So all in all, showing the film wasn't an easy experience. For the exam's it was fine, because it was more of an intimate setting with 5-6 Professors who were there only to judge my work, but afterwards the public setting felt very invasive and without enough respect.

My T also said I tend to show too much of myself, and do not know my boundaries in that sense... So I guess this also reflects on some of the reasons why I haven't been able to continue either. I am not really sure.

 

[The Albatross]

Ah perhaps it is true, you may tend to show too much of yourself. But this, Nadia is art. It is, but is not YOU. I think you need a boundary there. When you get one you will lose your block.

 

[Red Feather]

Woah, thank you for that revelation. I think you must be right. How very interesting. :bag:

 

[rainy_daze]

I'm sorry it brought out the negative emotions. I can not say why this happened....
I just know that people who have PTSD might have another reaction to it because they probably can relate so much more. So yeah, maybe I should have cautioned that this might be triggering?? I am really really sensitive, so in this case, it is the really really fine details that make such an impact... and in the end it really was just a pencil case...:wideeyed:....

I do not mind if you share the lines on the forum. That is okay for me.

Oh no, do not be sorry. If it had been too much for me, I would have stopped watching it, but I wanted to watch until the end. I do not think you needed to put a warning label on it or anything.

I know you said it was all just about a pencil case; my mind probably went into overdrive, and due to the silence, I added so much more "story" to what I was hearing and watching.

Here are the sentences that I wrote down from your short film / artwork:

"I am not dripping because I have no form - I am already on the floor...

How can you own something that flows through you? How can you own something that you already are?
One day I will find a form.

I know it is dangerous to be honest. [Note from me: This line has really stuck with me, and next line.]

The door closes and I am alone.

How can fears be so full of light?
My body - My body is alive."

In all honesty, I find it very haunting. As you can see, I never wrote anything down about a pencil case. It felt to me like a man you did not want or like at all was going to come to your house and invade your personal space. Art is so subjective, in my opinion. It is a shame I could not see it from your point of view; maybe if there had been an introduction that said "The Personal is Political: A movie about being a woman", or a similar title (that was just off the top of my head and quite bad!), my reaction would have been different, as I understand a bit better now what you were trying to convey. I know quite a bit about the personal is political ideas too. It is interesting that I had some form of pyshological distress when you were being artistic in a sociological way, ;):). I am glad I watched it now, as I think I have learned something about fear inside myself.

 

[Red Feather]

Hi rainydaze, your reaction helped me to understand that sometimes it is hard for people to understand without more information. Or knowing me already. It is easier for me to write than to speak and when people asked me questions during the open house setting, I wasn't really able to answer. And the people who didn't ask me questions, I couldn't approach either. It felt like a wall between us. It was a very intense experience.

Thank you for sharing those lines. I do not think my point of view is right or other people's is wrong. Yes it was just about a pencil case, but in actuality it was about so much more, and this fine detail of a simple pencil case, became this mammoth hurdle to overcome. I think this is what I was trying to say in the previous post. That sometimes the most finest details have such an effect and impact on our lives. And that this understanding in itself is just so astonishing.

Thanks again! :)