My Ptsd Interferes With My Work

[KwanYingirl]

After I lost my career as a Radiographer due to being poisoned by overexposure to darkroom chemicals. I am disabled by it but I was determined to find meaningful work in a field that doesn't expose me to fumes that trigger asthma attacks.

I finally settled in with becoming an Electologist. That is permanent hair removal. No noxious fumes, medical training helps. Women suffer deeply with unwanted facial hair. I am empathetic and am very kind to my clients.

My PTSD gets in my way when I have a difficult client coming in or I have overbooked my day which exhausts me. Then I am overcome with anxiety.

It was no small intention to like this field because 99.9% of my clients are women. Today I had a new client, a male who wanted the hair on his abdomen cleared. I am very uncomfortable working near men's private parts. Somehow I made it through but it will take two years to get rid of all his hair. And I know from experience that what he really wants is his penis and groin hair free.

My anxiety was so high my hands were shaking and he made sure his private parts were right up near where I was working. I experience this as trauma. Like he's grooming me for what he really wants. I was a nervous wreck.

 

[Shaan]

Gosh why do you have to do that. Just say you cannot do it. :(

I just feel we do things that we do not want to and then later think about it and feel guilty.

 

[FindingMyself88]

Do you work with anyone else that you could pass the men too? I couldn't imagine doing that, and it's not worth your peace of mind. Sending positive thoughts your way! :hug:

 

[digger]

Do you work for yourself or someone else? If you work for yourself then maybe just give him details of other practitioners? If you work for someone else can you tell them you aren't comfortable working with male clients?

 

[Go Hungry]

I'm with the others, just say you don't do that sort of work. Claim religious reasons or something...

 

[KwanYingirl]

I have told him I will only work on his abdomen, period. I am my own boss and have no one else to do him.

I deal with women and them wanting a Brazilian, but you just make it clear that you only follow the lines of their bathing suit. Then instead of wearing their bathing suit, they show up with a thong on.

Now I think what I'm actually anxious is about this woman who's coming in at 4:00. She came 12 years ago, said she'd had electrolysis before and had an in eventful treatment except for her hypochondria. OMG! So she left and almost immediantly she called me and was in a panic saying she had an allergic reaction and she couldn't breathe.

I told her to stop her car and dial 911. She wouldn't shut up so I said I am hanging up call an ambulance. So a week later she called me to tell me she went to the ER and the doctor told her she had an allergic reaction. She wanted to make another appointment. I told under no circumstance I would not treat her without a doctors ok to treat. I asked her what she was allergic to and she started rambling on about her college years and getting her ears pierced and they got all red from alcohol. I said that's not an allergy that's getting ears pierced.

Well anyway I never heard from her until two weeks ago. She called at 9:00 at night and wanted to make an appointment. She didn't know it was me. I had moved my practice to another time. Imagine her surprise when I said, oh I remember you. You have to bring me a doctors permission to treat you because you claimed that you went to am ER after the last treatment.

She denied that ever happened and went round and round to get me to book her. I said there was no way I would treat her without a doctors note. She made this whole pretend reaction up I know it and I am calling her bluff.

I finally got a docs order oking her to be treated so she's coming today at 4:00. She's booked for a half hour and I just know it's going to be disastrous. She'll hijack the time and she'll end up f&@#ing up my schedule. I just can't wait to get rid of her.

She said she'd been having treatment these past 12 years where she lives in Connecticut-she has a summer home in Maine. Total lie. She'd be completely hairless after that amount if time. She is a sociopath I just know it or maybe she's a narcissist. Yuk I hope she goes back where she's from soon. I am so anxious that my day will end up running late and I hate doing that to people.[DOUBLEPOST=1403803444,1403803251][/DOUBLEPOST]I'm having a BAD day....

 

[Recovery4Me]

My anxiety was so high my hands were shaking

I am feeling your strength to extend this body message: you are courageous. Wow, what a Pandora's box, yes? So offer me ( only if you wish to share) what you are separating between this client and from your past within your fears? What did you hope to gain by accepting this client- job security, financial security or perhaps you were exploring your level of comfort? Can you trade off occasionally with another to quietly establish your rights to boundaries and professionalism?

I have acquaintances/friends that do this (switch) with 'waxing' their clients. However, the boss allows this last minute change up with nice apologies that as everyone is good at this & occasionally she needs someone to do her a favor elsewhere. The client if becoming too demanding (without realizing it) offers a clearer understanding of them viewing that person doing the service, not as a person but only a service/extension for objectification.

My Mom and Dad doing prep work for surgery or bathing medical patients often switched occasionally during their hospital rounds with others as well for the comfortably factor. That is why doctors have another present in the US for safety. Body parts can not always be avoided, but the constant impact may be be altered for our mind's sanctuary at times.

(((hugs on your accomplishment with handling a stranger baring private parts)). I hope I offered you a little smile when phrasing it in that manner. Peace and light.

 

[KwanYingirl]

OMG, OMG,OMG she was worse than I remembered. One hour to accomplish a fifteen minute treatment. And since, like so many abuse survivors, I am compassionate and a perfectionist. So lucky me, she said I do the best work and she wanted to book through the rest of the summer. I told her I was flattered BUT I have to run on time. She agreed to be on time and to not make me run past her appointment.

As for the other guy, I don't know what you're asking me @Recovery4Me are you wondering if my uneasiness is based in my trauma residue? I agreed to treat him because I have done lots of guys abdomens but he pulled his pants down and I guess I felt so embarrassed I guess I did regress in age and couldn't respond with an appropriate professional comment.

Ethically, I cannot refuse to treat people for body parts I generally work on. I worked for almost 30 years as a Radiographer and I've dealt with all scenarios imaginable without distress. Now I just remembered what I would do x-raying men's pelvic region. I covered them with a blanket. They want their dignity preserved too. I don't know why I forgot that. I guess it was such a shock, I time traveled back to childhood and being molested.

So that's what I'll do. I'll get a fleece blanket and apologize to him for not considering his dignity and cover him up. Oh, yes, he will be paying me a substantial sum of money. I feel bad for the guys and their unwanted body hair. It takes up to two years to clear them.

I am glad today is over. The anxiety i feel is such a struggle. Like my therapist keeps telling me, I am the adult, I make the rules, and I put the little girl into the papoose on my back.

 

[Recovery4Me]

They want their dignity preserved too. I don't know why I forgot that. I guess it was such a shock, I time traveled back to childhood and being molested.

That was what I was gently trying to hold your hand and get you to. (((Big hugs, respect and thumbs up for your discovery!!))) One strong woman, you are! Take care, friend.