My T Thinks Therapy Is Making Me Worse

[Jane.l]

I have been going through a really dark patch and now my T says he thinks being in therapy is causing me more pain - instead of helping - devastated .

 

[whserenitynluv]

@Jane.l I'm so sorry to hear that. :(

 

[ms spock]

So sorry to hear that.

So does your therapist think that s/he does not have the skills to assist you?

 

[madmax]

When your not ready your not ready......simple.......don't get down on yourself.

 

[Jane.l]

@Ms Spock No I am sure he thinks it's me, I go through phases where because he is very inconsistent I think he doesn't care and I find it distressing.

I am wondering if I am triggering him though when I am trying to talk about how suicidal I have been feeling - I know he has battled with times of depression and I have noticed that however much I bring it up he never says anything about it, it's like if he ignores it it will go away.

I do have abandonment issues so maybe he just finds me a pain in the arse.

 

[Lucycat]

I am wondering if I am triggering him though when I am trying to talk about how suicidal I have been feeling - I know he has battled with times of depression

*Alarm bells*
He is your T - yes a fellow human being, but if he cannot cope with your problems then he should distance himself from the profession. His problems are not your problems and you should not need to protect him. No wonder he is not helping you.

 

[Ice_Fire]

You need a new T. You say you're disheartened by being told that you're not being helped in therapy. That to me makes me think you want to be in therapy and work on your problems (which is awesome). So, you must feel ready to tackle things. However, your T clearly can't. Fire him, get a new one.

 

[digger]

So, what is his suggestion for you to do from here?

Do you think some of it could be down to 'bad fit'? I know you've done a lot of work with him, but it seems to come back quite often to him not meeting your needs. Don't write yourself off, just because it's not working well with him, doesn't mean someone else couldn't see different ways to work with you, and help you move forward, that he can't.

 

[Jane.l]

@digger he hasn't made any suggestions - he just emailed me and said he thought therapy was making me more distressed and not helping me and we should think about whether to continue.

I think we are a good fit but you are right I do seem to want more support than he can offer me - I am so confused I don't know if it is me being too needy or if he is not up to the job. I asked him this week if we could just be really careful to keep things on an even keel because I feel bad - and he thinks now might be a good time to get rid of me - talk about pushing me over the edge

 

[digger]

I'm sorry, but that's really shit practice on his part! Apart from anything else, that needs to be a face to face discussion not via email.

Saying he doesn't think a particular way of working is helping is one thing, leaving you with nothing else and no suggestions is just crap. And I am definitely leaning more towards him not being up to the job.

Take the positives that you have gained from the relationship, because I know you have worked well together at times, but you need someone now who is as committed to your therapy as you are - that's not being needy, that's completely reasonable.

 

[The Albatross]

Initiating a discussion about whether or not to continue and evaluating your therapeutic relationship, the benefits and pitfalls thereof does not translate into your T saying, "I want to get rid of you." If this is a reoccurring issue, then it is an opportunity for communication and change. Have the discussion in your next session.

 

[Jane.l]

Thanks @digger I can't do anything at the moment, haven't even managed to get out of bed !

@The Albatross yes good point but what if he's right what if it's making me worse - what the hell do I do then? We have done a lot of work together and we have had some good positive times where I began to see a future - but now I am in this dark hopeless fog it feels like he just wants to walk away and leave me here.