My T Thinks Therapy Is Making Me Worse

[The Albatross]

Write it all out and bring it to your next session.

 

[digger]

I do think @The Albatross has made a good point too, but I think there's a difference between raising this within a session, where intent can be clear and reassurances can be made, and emailing this to a client who has already expressed in their last session that they need to keep things on an even keel right now. That seems, at best, insensitive to me.

 

[The Albatross]

If it was by email (I missed that in reading), then you can reply by email... rather than postpone the conversation... communicate in reply as clearly as your are able. Usually I do a rough draft first, then walk away (emotional emails, my shrink never had an email relationship with me) for a while, clear my head and reread it like a third party. Edit or add as necessary til it is about as accurate, honest and candid as you can get. Then hit "Send".

 

[The Albatross]

Near the end of our therapeutic relationship... my shrink wanted me to assess my own situation and would make suggestions for me to think about between sessions. Sometimes it was really difficult... but I was able most of the time to grasp and trust his process. When I wasn't, I was able to report back accurately what my thoughts/feelings and actions were between the session. How I coped or didn't, and we went from there.

 

[digger]

Near the end of our therapeutic relationship...

Was that ending because it was at the end stage of therapy and as part of the end process, or because your T felt he/therapy might not be helping you? I'm not getting the impression that @Jane.l is ready to go it alone with all this yet.

I should say that I'm basing my response to it coming via email on my own relationship with my T in that we don't generally have any out of session contact. That might be skewing my opinion a bit.

 

[The Albatross]

Talk therapy was all that was available and I had a lot of difficulty with his "free flow stream of consciousness" style. When he'd bring it up, my interpretation was he was asking me to evaluate and redouble my efforts about attempting his process. I was able, ultimately to benefit from his style of treatment. In the end, the decision to terminate was my own, but that was because I was ready to attempt to live and cope/manage on my own.

 

[Jane.l]

@The Albatross am not sure what to say to him at the moment - we have no sessions booked (even though I have asked if I can book several in advance because that helps to keep me stable and it saves me chasing him via email to get booked in) I want to email him but I just don't really know what to say.

I am wondering too whether to just ask him if he finds my suicidal ideation is effecting him - maybe he doesn't even realise he continually makes absolutely no comment on it and I am translating it as he doesn't care but then is that any of my business ? I don't want him to feel I am prying into his private life.

 

[Kefira]

I agree with the advice to consider finding someone else. It's unprofessional to do this via email, and it appears to be rather insensitive to your needs and wants, particularly if he doesn't have any suggestions for what he thinks you might do.

I had a T who after 3 years felt therapy was only making me worse, but after the session she adjusted that (also via email) to tell me that she thought she didn't have the skills to help me and that I wasn't making the progress she expected to see. I was completely devastated and of course it was as soon as I had had the trust to really open up to her, at a relatively bad time symptomatically. She also pushed a couple of established boundaries, causing me to nearly walk out of session. I felt very betrayed, but at least I knew not to waste any more time in her care at that point.

At any rate, from what you've said it sounds like this is his own issue, not you. At the very least he's demonstrating poor procedure, and you might bring that up if you decide to talk it out with him. My T encouraged that we have a face to face termination meeting. I was too angry to take her up on that. It's really tough, especially when you felt it was a good fit for a reasonable amount of time. And maybe it was a good fit before, but when it becomes clear there's a trust or support issue that's developed if you move on you can find someone better suited to help you where you are NOW.

:hug:s if you'll have them. I'm sorry you're struggling

 

[digger]

I am wondering too whether to just ask him if he finds my suicidal ideation is effecting him - maybe he doesn't even realise he continually makes absolutely no comment on it and I am translating it as he doesn't care but then is that any of my business ? I don't want him to feel I am prying into his private life.

You can ask this in a way that doesn't ask directly if he is personally affected by it. His response, or lack of it, is affecting you, you have a right to raise that and ask if there is a therapeutic reason why he ignores it. You can say that you need more feedback from him about the suicidal ideation you experience and feel that he isn't giving that the attention you feel it needs.

 

[Jane.l]

@digger I email him quite a lot because I find talking really difficult in session as I dissociate so much .

He doesn't usually respond unless I ask him a direct question - I know he would far rather I talked and didn't email but however we approach it I can't seem to do it.

You are right I am no where close to feeling I can be ok to finish therapy - I have never felt worse ! - there is still a whole layer of stuff I haven't managed to tell him .

Yes I could ask him about the suicidal ideation in the way you suggest - I hadn't thought about it affecting him until on the email this morning the only reference he made to me feeling this way was that he understood because he'd been there - which kinda made me want to yell well f'ing help me then !!!!

 

[Jane.l]

Thanks @Kefira I am grateful for :hug: - I have spent the whole of my therapy terrified of him abandoning me. I understand why you couldn't do a termination session - that would be ridiculously painful .

 

[intothelight]

@Jane.l

my T says he thinks being in therapy is causing me more pain - instead of helping

Did he state any examples or any reasons that lead him to that conclusion? There are times that therapy can create more distress, especially if a person does not have the tools needed to self sooth or manage the increase in symptoms. Have him clarify specifically what he is basing this conclusion on so it can be addressed.

I am wondering if I am triggering him though when I am trying to talk about how suicidal I have been feeling

You need to ask him strait out if this is a possibility. It may also be possible that he sees continuing the current method of therapy is making you increasingly unstable and should be tabled for a while.

he just emailed me and said he thought therapy was making me more distressed and not helping me and we should think about whether to continue.

Ask him if this means continuing the current type of therapy or therapy in general. If what he is doing is causing more harm than good, then he is making a good call and it may be time to reassess or work on some things to help you improve your own stability.

It is important to get clarification and keep asking questions until the doubts are calmed and you have a clear understanding of what he means and what his intentions are. Communication is tricky under the best of circumstances, but with PTSD and our own self doubts, our histories and the cognitive distortions it makes it even harder.