Relationship Needing Guidance

[amethist]

Hi soconfused

PTSD is so confusing for both sides, sufferers dont know what they want and need at times, supporters dont know how to help, until they are told. It can be a never ending circle of "Not knowing"

Until he Knows for sure what he wants and needs to do for himself, all you can do is what is best a right for you at this moment in time.

Let him know where you are and that he is free to contact you at any time he wants or needs to. Let him know that he can contact the girls when he wants, and leave the door open for them to contact him if they want to, even if they just write to him about what they are doing, or send pictures they have drawn if they are too young to write.

What eve happens which ever way it goes, do not take any blame for this, and try not to blame him either, it is the PTSD that has done this. Which is why everyone hates it.

Maybe in time you can gradually work things out and get your marriage back, some can some can't, and there is no majic wand to help either.

Look after you and your girls as best you can, let your family help, in a positive way, and ignore those who can't or won't except the way it is.

Amethist

 

[soconfused]

Just an update: my husband has told me it is definate, he still is going to divorce me. His reasons being that I haven't done anything for myself in 4 years and the girls and I are better off without him.

He managed to spend every last dime in our account leaving me and the girls with nothing. After going on post for help, they informed me that it is time to get his chain of command involved. I'm scared.

I still love him with everything in me. I text him "I love you XoXo" every night. Would he tell me to stop if he didn't want to hear it anymore? I would think he would, but he's doing a lot of things I never thought he would.

 

[wife of]

Hi soconfused, I hadn't noticed your post sooner or I would of replied earlier. I'm glad his chain of command is getting involved,that is the route I would of encouraged you to try. It's now out of your hands to a little degree and you are no longer alone in feeling responsible for him.

For what it is worth I agree that if he didn't want you to contact him I think he would say so.

Just keep repeating the same line every night until he is ready to respond,don't increase the frequency or alter the words as at the moment he is able to cope with what you are sending and you dont want to tip that balance.

Its a tough road,I just wanted you to know that you are not traveling it alone and if the day comes that he blames you for going "on base" with this then that will be the ptsd talking...You have absolutly without doubt taken the best course of action.

You know all those nights when you sat alone during deployments watching the phone and wondering how you would cope if something tragic happened? Well this is where you find out just how strong you are and in true services style,each man is only as strong as the man next to him.

Surround yourself with as much support as you can find. Talk to your fellow "wives of" and I am sure you will find that there are a lot suffering with similar problems when behind thier front doors.

Chin up girly.