General New and Could Use Some Advice - Boyfriend Refuses Contact

[FallenAngel]

Samsara , thank you for your concern , I read you post in why date someone who is ill, and i noticed you mentioned a 3 yr seperation can I ask what brought that about ? if you dont mind sharing?

As for if I want this emotional rollercoaster, well I wouldn't have asked for it but like you i am a bit of a tough cookie! and i will ride it as far as I can.... I have to admit I did wobble a bit a first ( as I am sure you can tell in my first posts ) but having taken a few days out for me , I have strenghened up again, dont get me wrong I also still have my own life to lead and will continue to do so, but I will also be there for him . I dont at this moment know where this will lead! Time will tell me that and I will take each day as it comes, we are still in communication of which i am greatful its still limited but every now and then it gets a little better.

I suppose in general my main problem is my own ignorance on what is happening but I am learning and this site helps so much.

 

[Nicolette]

Time will tell me that and I will take each day as it comes

Kazzy, ultimately only you can make the decisions of what is right for you. I hope you find what is best for you. Being tough is one thing but chosing to be "ignorant" can only be a potential for a bad situation. If you are not dealing with reality how can you properly assess the situation? Please be careful that ignorance does not turn into denial.

We all want the best for both you and your boyfriend. Just remember you are responsible for your happiness and you can only walk the path you choose...not one someone else creates for you.

 

[FallenAngel]

Hi Nicolette

May be I didn't word my post quite right , I didn't mean I was being ignorant , just my lack of knowledge at the start made me do or say things that weren't helpful at all , because I didn't understand what was happening or what was causing it. I am human I make mistakes , I am learning all I can at the moment to help me understand PTSD and Depression, then when he is ready to talk ( if he is ever ready ) I will be better armed to deal with it, I am just taking each day as it comes at the moment, only time will tell what will happen in the future , right now I'm hanging in there, yes i have bad days but I then have to rationalise those and remind myself that my bad days are no where near as bad as his.

I do hope things work out and in time the situation bewteen us improve but I also realise at this point in time he needs so space for himself, as much as I want him here emotionally with me I know i cannot push that right now or will only push him further away.

 

[Nicolette]

I will be better armed to deal with it

That sounds very smart Kazzy.

yes i have bad days but I then have to rationalise those and remind myself that my bad days are no where near as bad as his.

While that is true Kazzy, your bad days are still bad relative to your situation. I think it is important not to diminish your own situation while looking at another. To each of us our pain and struggles are real and we must acknowledge that. My mother used to always tell me there was someone out there who was worse off than me. While that too is true, that does not lessen my pain in my life nor does it give me the support I need to deal with it either.

What I am trying to say is you and your feelings matter too. I understand you must do what you think is best for you, just please remember you are in there as well. I do hope things work out for you though.

 

[nyc]

" we are still in communication of which i am greatful its still limited but every now and then it gets a little better."

Why should you be grateful. He should be grateful to have your care.

I hear so much of what I felt... and it saddens me that so much energy is going into these men who really want to be left alone.

The shut downs, the numbing... this is a relationship that needs to be endured not enjoyed.

I get it; I was there.

Try stepping away and see what comes out "after the wash".
let them feel their pain and learn to deal with it.

Try to let go, and see what comes back.


I keep reading everyone's situations and its exactly the same. To be honest - i don't see any hope. I'm referring to my own situation.

I wanna say- to myself, and to the women who are torturing themselves because these men are shutting them out constantly- let go and move on.

And yet- here i am, again.

 

[Nicolette]

I wanna say- to myself, and to the women who are torturing themselves because these men are shutting them out constantly- let go and move on.

Perhaps this is something you need to re-read?!:rolleyes: