New Here - Nightmares Started Again

[Heather0612]

Hi. I'm new here. Was searching for information on PTSD and support and found y'all. I wasn't sure what forum to post in, my main issue right now is sleep so I'm starting here. I hope you might have some ideas for me. :(

Background: I'm 39. Was raised by a military father who was absent and verbally & physically & emotionally abusive when he was around; and a severely bipolar mother who was severely negligent of my younger siblings and I. I raised my siblings while she lived in her bed. Family tells stories of finding my brother and I (ages 3 and 1) in a roach infested kitchen searching for food while she hid in her room. ... Then my freshman year of high school I was in a relationship I couldn't get out of. The older boy beat and raped me daily. I finally was able to get away when his father got transferred out of state. ... 7 years later I married an abusive man (lasted for 14 years). Finally got away from him and at age 35 was diagnosed with PTSD as a combination of the abuse from my family, the attack, and ex-husband. A year later I wound up in a relationship with a man who cheated on me frequently and then after marrying me (it only lasted a year) & moving me across the country from him, ran off with another woman saying "God" told him to do it. I successfully completed 2 years of PTSD focused therapy, in addition to just about a year of attachment therapy (focused on healing from my childhood).

So here I am. A few years after all of that mess. Wonderful man in my life. He and I have been in relationship counseling since Day 1 so he can understand me better & we can work on building a healthy relationship. No flashbacks or panic attacks in almost 18 months. No other diagnosis and on no medications.

Then about a week ago it all started again. I use my meditation music and lavender to get to sleep. But I have been waking up 2-3 x a night either sobbing or screaming. I wouldn't really say I have been 'dreaming' ... more like flashback memories of times I caught my second husband cheating and when he left me. Twice this week I was able to fall asleep on my couch with my Partner sitting next to me (I felt safe) and each time woke up screaming and hitting him. Tonight he told me it was several minutes before I even realized it was him. All I knew is that I woke up, standing up, with him standing next to me. Needless to say these episodes have me both exhausted and anxious all day. The only connection that I have been able to come up with is that my wedding anniversary with the man who ran off on me is in a few days. When I think about that I get a BIG feeling of abandonment which I can logically see how it would be tied to the abuse/emotional abandonment of both my parents and my first husband.

I won't have insurance for another 3 months. Would love some other ideas from those who have been there on how to get through this ... in one piece. :( I tried talking to some friends but they just told me to get over it and to stop thinking about these men. I told them it doesn't work like that... it's not like I can just stop thinking about it. :( I'm really worried that my flashback memories will increase to the episodes of abuse I had with my first husband (which were violent) that seem to trigger my Insomnia (my coping mechanism when I was married to him).

Thanks for listening. :shy:

 

[gone]

I too am new to the site, newly diagnosed with CPTSD, and suffer nightly nightmares along with loads of lifelong amnesia :(. For nightmares I use Prazosin, worked may way up from 1mg to 4mg dose over the course of about six weeks. It's a really cheap drug, originally intended for high blood pressure and prostate enlargement (! I'm a female), but is apparently most commonly prescribed for PTSD nightmares these days. Costs about $4 for 30 1mg pills at Target (in the US). Maybe you could find a mental health clinic nearby that would write you the scrip until your insurance kicks in? When you hit the sweet spot in dosing (between 1-15mg) the nightmares miraculously stop (most nights). Good luck. Wishing you sweet dreams soon.

 

[Heather0612]

Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate the time you took to reply. :hug: I'm kind of looking for more natural ways to get through this besides prescription medications. I was on sleeping meds for nearly 10 years to cope with my insomnia during my abusive marriage and I really want that to be a last resort. :oops:

 

[Recovery Girl]

Hi Heather, I too am new to this site. Our new nightmares are similiar here. I haven't had nightmares for years. I had intense childhood sexual abuse and have done a lot of therapy. Been rolling along ok.

Then Thanksgiving morning I woke up from a icky dream. There has been some talk about the past lately, but I really don't know why this is happening now. I've sometimes had doubts about it all really happening and maybe this was a reminder that yes, it happened, as my abuser was undeniable in my dream. Maybe it's cause I can deal with this now (23 years of remembering). I look at it that I should show appreciation to those people in my life that love me. But, I'm alone today and have too much time to think, so I'm having anxiety and fear. Just like you.

I'm here at this site cause talking about it can take the power out of it. Others cannot understand. We need empathy from those who have been through trauma like us. Sending good thoughts your way! Message me if you would like to talk. Ummm, can we do that here? Hahaha.