General New Here

[KateB]

Hi everyone,

I just joined a couple days ago, and someone suggested I head over to the support forum, so here I am. I'm not sure what I'm looking for - an outlet, advice, maybe...anyway, a little about me..

I'm the 2nd of 4 kids, my Dad is a Vietnam Vet. He always had nightmares and the like, but the last 2 years, he's gotten progressively worse. I think what did it is talking to someone he was overseas with - Dad was in a helicopter crash and one of the only few survivors, who called him a couple years ago.

Dad had a heart attack 4 years ago....so it all comes back to the PTSD is getting worse, he copes with it by smoking, which drives my mother crazy. It hurts my heart to see their marriage not as it used to be, and it also takes a toll on the rest of us: there's such tension in the house from her being upset, she seems to be so volatile of late, just snapping. I'm honestly doing my best to understand....it's so unfair that these people who served our country have to go through this...

Will probably post more later, but that's the crux of it...feel free to ask any questions..

Kate

 

[Ladyhope Somerset]

Hi Kate and welcome.

It's important for supporters to have an outlet and support from people who have experienced the challenges of the rollercoaster that is PTSD. So you have come to the right place.

You say your Mother has become more volatile recently, so she needs an outlet too and perhaps some extra help. Something carers often don't recognise is the need to look after themselves. Unlless they do take care of themselves, they can easily become unwell and then wont be able to look after their sufferer.

There is a very good book that's recommended reading 'The Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Relationship' by Diane England, PhD, it's well worth the investment.

Do you if your Dad has been diagnosed and is receiving treatment/support?

I'll have a read of your other posts before going any further.

 

[BigBear]

I'd suggest reading into some of the supporter diaries. Or searching for some themes that have perplexed you. This crux of this is to get some people to talk to that you feel comfortable with. You can set up to "follow" them. Don't worry, you won't be stalking them.

HTH,

Bear

 

[KateB]

Hi Ladyhope :)

Thanks for the reply. I do know that Mom needs an outlet - she works from home which, while convenient, also means she gets NO time away from any of this. She and I took a week this autumn and went away to a quilting retreat, and the change in her was lovely - she slept well, ate well, wasn't really snippy. I do wish she would take time for herself. I think that's so important. She seems to think that things for her kids are important, and things for her aren't. I suggested a support group for spouses, just as an outlet for her - but I may have to send her the link and just let the idea germinate.
On a positive note, Dad wants the electronic cigarettes for Christmas - a step in the right direction. It's so confusing sometimes to love someone so much, and simultaneously feel bad for them and be mad at them. When I realized the smoking was his way of coping with the PTSD, it just hurt my heart for him.
He does have psych evals every quarter, I of course have never been, but my Mom goes with him, and from what I hear this woman is as useless as - well, let's just say she's useless. She signs off that her patients have had their required visit, and that's it - she doesn't delve any deeper, ask any pertinent questions, make them THINK at all. Nothing.

Bear, thanks for the advice, I didn't know about following people :)

Kate

 

[Ladyhope Somerset]

Good idea to send your Mom the link for the spouses support group!

As BigBear says take a look around, I'm sure you will find people and situations you can relate to.

If your Dad has Combat related PTSD then that would be a good place to look if you want to understand some of his particular problems.
Take care

 

[ISupportHer]

Glad you are here but yet sorry you feel you have to be here. Many have similar experiences, feelings, fears, no matter what the cause of the PTSD.

ISH