munkinmama
Silver Member
It has taken me a few days to be able to write about this. Sorry ahead of time for the confusing rant trying to make sense of things. I was trying to sort out why, what is the trigger but I can not seems to pin point why the nightmares are back. I have a rough time sleeping as it is. If it is not my stomach giving me issues it is my osteoarthritis in my knee acting up. If it not my knee then it is nightmares lately. I have not had a good night sleep in god knows how long. If I do sleep I am moving around from nightmares or pain so i wake up exhausted. The lack of sleep is so effecting my mood. I just wish I knew why the nightmare are back. I am guessing a possible cause is I am having more contact with my abusive ex husband and his dad this summer then I had in a years. This year i set foot twice on the property where he abused me. That was a huge trigger. I vowed I would never go back or set a toe on that land again and here i am walking around the property. Back in Feb it was because his house burnt down man that was bitter sweet to see the rubble of the house burning. A part of me wished both my ex and his dad were in the fire that way my kids will not have to go through anymore abuse that CPS is clearly blind to see is going on. I then set foot again on the property when my fiance wanted to see it and he was shocked to see the conditions i had lived in and my kids are living in now. When I was walking around this time I had to retreat to the car I could not handle being there this time. On the way home i was quiet because i was recovering from a panic attack. This day was hard not only having to be where many of traumas happened like being raped nightly. I watched my ex father in law try to kick my service dog in training because she barked a few times at their neighbors dog who was barking at her. I moved her away in time and once he missed he walked up to the fence and tried to kick the neighbors dog as well. I decided not to say anything to him because with him there is no point. My service dog in training is only 6 months and she has at least another 18 months of training to go. I was shocked but not really that he would do this. He has no respect for anyone or any living thing. I did call the SPCA and reported the incident as well as they have a dog that is omg in such rough shape. She had cuts on her face and even bled on my pants, her hind end was not working right it looked like she was walking with stilts. That was hard to see. To be around these two I cringe and get triggered every time I am near them.
