@Unknown Victim, your situation sounds challenging, frustrating, frequently depressing. Sincerely, through my experience, I understand hopelessness and overwhelm due to very early trauma.
As I learned that I can't erase my past, I have learned that it is possible to, day by day, to build in that 2 steps forward, one step back way-which is still ends up one step ahead of where I started.. Sometimes that is how new neurological pathways get built, which is how to develop more freedom.
Holding hope for myself, most of the time, came from letting go of people and situations that were traumatizing, getting into therapy, using meds, practicing mindfulness, and doing exercises that daily connected me to the earth's neutral energy-a new foundation that is different than the foundation/battery of traumatic experiences.
Finding ways, people, (e.g. 12 step Alanon or 12 step Adult Children of Alcoholics, or people in this forum) that actively offer me hopes, have been ways/bridges into a new, healthier inner and outer life.
I hope this offers you some hope. I believe if I can do it, you can do it!
