One Dimensional... Poof! I'm Gone :(

[Srain]

I thought I was okay, I thought I had it down and understood where I was at with everything, I thought I was finally centered...then I get a phone call...local...I don't recognize the number but I'm feeling so much better because I was able to reschedule my new neuro doc appt with the new insurance company I plan to sign up with and everything seems to be a go, I can unwind.

Then I hear the voice...it's him...the first thing he begins to o is inform me of is how "confused" I seemed to have been and how I must not have understood how the insurance system works and blah blah blah blah blah... I have him on speaker as he yammers on so my husband can hear. When he finally takes a breath I correct him and tell him that, no, I was not confused, I'm understood exactly how the insurance work yada yada yada and I was sure he would be more than happy to see to it that my referrals went through, that I agreed with him these labs needed to be done asap and as of the first of the month I would be his official patient, he responded with blah blah blah, guess we'll see you on your appt and see about all of this and what would and would NOT be done...yep, chowder click! :mad:

I thought I was okay, I thought I handled it well, I thought all I needed was some air and to feed my visiting cranes come to breakfast until everything started to go one dimensional ...what is that?? I could no longer feel my body...the cranes became a picture along with the trees and grass, one of them - "Fred" - jumped up in the air and squawked and then stopped in mid-air and everything stopped...just the screaming in my ears. My husband showed up beside me...just jibberish coming out his mouth. I couldn't understand a word he said :cry:.

I'm better now...I understand it was a stressor...I'm guessing?? I don't like drs...I hated him as soon as he blew off my drs' labs referrals and conclusions. I grew up under that condescension, that dismissal and I fight like a cornered cat...I can't seem to back down even though it's not worth the fight and it will kill me...what is wrong with me???? Why do I do that??? I don't need him. I should have gotten up and walked out as soon as he started to do that but no, I stay and start fighting back, spoiling for the fight...then it all eats me alive :( It's like looking for trauma...

blech..

my Son called and I admitted I have an "unusual hatred of drs", he laughed and said "yeah, you are not alone there Ma"... :)

 

[AngelaMarie]

I have had so many problems with Doctors I can't even count them.

I have alot of admiration for people who just keep facing them over and over. I haven't been for a long time because I go completely numb before I go and all my symptoms usually go away and then afterwards they come back worse than ever. It's a no win situation. However, I know with all the health problems you are going through right now you don't have a choice. I am sorry it's such a stressor for you, Rain. Hang in there, dear!

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Rain, there are a small percentage of phenomenal Dr's, but the majority are not. I think fighting 'them' and the system, or fighting for a loved one, or trying to be 'heard'- I mean logically, based on 'facts'- is almost more traumatic, exhausting and frustrating (and stressful) than the illness itself.

Just when you least need more stress and have the least energy. And at different levels are dependent and vulnerable on their care/ decisions.
But you aren't alone, and along with your spirit your husband will help and advocate for you too.

((((Hugs)))), love and prayers you get led to a great Dr, and no more grief.

Hang in there: God doesn't close a door without opening a window but it sure can be Hell in the Hallway :(
(((((((((((((Rain))))))))))))
xoxoxox