Our Dreams

[Britt.f7]

I couldn't find the proper thread for this so, while I am posting my dream(s), other's are welcomed to share their dreams. This can be a place to just talk about our dreams.

Yesterday I had a horrible dream of when I was a child and in it my mother was raging mad, beating me, in front of my little sister. Something about not having the right clothes to wear. In my dream she made up something that she knew would hurt when it hit. Other then paddles and wooden spoons, I don't remember my mom actually doing this in actual life. I remember telling my sister in the dream, shouting at her, "mom beat us". I know my sister would never admit to that. Even if she will, barely, admit to the fact that my mom would often go off on one of us. Usually me. The dream was disturbing and very realistic. I could feel the pain and what seemed like hatred coming from her. My mom is no longer alive and we have been able to get along well in the previous years before her death. I do not know where this is coming from.

Then, as if this was not enough, my dream last night involved my aunt(mom's sister) and myself fighting verbally. Nothing I could do was right and we were packing, or I should say the sisters, were packing up my grandma's things as she had passed away.

Two nights in a row of some type of violence. You should probably know that, though our household was abusive, I don't believe my PTSD to be related to that. In fact I have a hard time saying it was abusive because there were good things. Though I know that can happen in an abusive house. It's just, I'm 47 and I really don't think I should be having dreams like these. My aunts I can kind of understand, she stopped talking to me a year or so ago with no explanation. But why my mom? And why, after all these years? I didn't dream of her being mean to me when she was alive. Only since she died.

I just need to get this out of my head, so I opened a new thread. If you want to get a dream out of your head, this may be a good place to go.

 

[FindingMyself88]

I think this is a great idea! You are not alone, for the past month I have been having mostly a group of nightmares basically reliving my past abuse. Its extremely hard because most consist of my mom (verbal abuse) and real dad(physical) and his ex wife (sexual abuse). But I am still trying to maintain a relationship with my mom and dad. With my mom, she has borderline personality disorder and so I have to work extremely hard at keeping boundaries. With my dad, he came back into my life 3 years ago and we are trying to make some type of relationship work. So its difficult having nightmares at night and talking to them some during the day. Anyways some of my nightmares are:

My dad and his ex wife, Nelma use to get into huge physical fights. I was no older than 6 or 7 and I remember an extremely bad fight. I was hiding behind a chair because I could not get to my room. I was crying hysterically. They were hitting each other with objects and shoving each other. The next thing I remember is my dad drawing the gun on her. At this point i went to the phone and dialed 911. But i was so upset that my dad heard me talking and saw me on the phone. He yanked me up by my hair, threw me in the room and told me not to say one d*** word. The cops traced the call and came. Thankfully they realized it was a child's voice and did a search of the house, finding me huddled in the corner by my bed. Nelma denied what I said and by this point I was too terrified to say anything but that I wanted my mom. The cops did take me home to my mom.

I also have the same recurring dream of Nelma sexually molesting me with objects, telling me that I was disgustingly dirty and needed cleaning...

The ones with my mom are mostly hurtful things she has said to me or done growing up

Then I have one of when my cousin sexually molested me, would have raped me had my Aunt not come home...

 

[fly away home]

How coincidental, I had a dream last night about my father, haven't dreamed about him in years, try my best not to think about him at all really.

In this dream i was with a group of people, we had just got off a bout and were wandering about on a bushy hillside. I had my daughter with me she was wrapped up close in my clothes I think, it felt like she was very close. Then someone started shooting at us and it was clearly pointed out that they were using 'assault rifles' (like that for an analogy!?!?) anyhow many of the people in our group started to shoot themselves because the situation was so horrendous and the fear was not worth living through.

By this stage my daughter had gone, I don't know if she had been shot or just run away to hide. By this stage I felt like a warrior and had gone slightly feral. Then I realised that one of the people in the group was my father, he was half Elvis Presley half my father in his white wedding suit, I was looking at the back of him but he had not recognised me yet. I held a rifle up to the back of his neck pushing it hard against his skin and pulled the trigger... click clack nothing happens, I was mortified, still am really. Not entirely sure if I wanted to shoot him to get revenge or if it was to put him out of his misery because he had already been shot. He ended up lying on the ground with me still staring at the back of his neck. Strange feeling. I was the last one left alive...

Pfew, feels good to write that out. Had been festering in my mind all day. Must say I wouldn't count this as a 'PTSD nightmare' just a strange dream, the nightmares involve me decapitating and chopping off the limbs of my decaying boyfriend's body (who has in reality past away) so I can hide his body. I wake from these believing every second thinking, I have actually got to finish the job of chopping through bone cause the bread knife I was using just wasn't quite up to it... now where did I put that saw?!?!

I make a joke of it but they devastate me.

 

[Stanley Shi-Yume]

Dreams that actually contain me involve the present me, re-inserted into the boundaries of the past. It occurs inside settings from the past like church or one of the houses that I resided in. Situations where what I want to do NOW is being prevented and deadlocked by the malice of any number of people that I have survived.

What happens is the dream self becomes furiously enraged. All of its might is being spent on physically attacking or just screaming at the malicious party, and it does nothing. The other person is hardly even there. The image of a human being, really a foreign, stoic entity that is simply holding me captive and keeping me from what I need.


When I was a lot younger I would dream I was in our 2nd house, the last one my mother lived in before the end, and that she was there, I was walking through the house to find her, and I always did but she did not speak.

 

[Britt.f7]

Thank you all for sharing your dreams(bad). They can really shake you up. I find it better to get them out of my head and I thank you for letting me share.