Ptsd + Ptsd + Age Difference And Medium-distance...

[Jan-pattern]

Hi, everyone.

so, I've known this guy a year, just as part of a group who meet up for weekends camping through the summer, and we got on. then a month back he came over to mine to work on some stuff for the group and we got together and spent the whole night just really close, totally serene. We got physical, but not all the way because both wanted to make sure we were wanting the same. Both of us felt the biggest feeling was this total calm serenity, just everything was okay because we were together, new to us both.
He lives an hour away, which is no big deal really; til last weekend he was with family as he fell on ice and got a really bad injury, plaster-cast and all; He only went back to his place on Monday, invited me over Tuesday, so we had the best time, talked, laughed, discussed "us" and decided to go ahead and be a couple, and so on. Because he'd got his cast off on Thursday and done all the walking to get moved back home, his leg was pretty painful on Wednesday morning but he was still affectionate and lovely.

He has PTSD from ex-army stuff, and I have it from a situation working with army in a civil-conflict zone, and we've talked a little about it. We both find it a total relief that someone doesn't run screaming, but nods and says "yeah! and do you find this happens, and that happens and then you feel such-and-such...?" instead.

He has really low self-esteem and I have a distinctly kooky view of life, but together we seem to balance each other out.
There's a big age difference, but neither of us sees it as a problem because he's been aged a lot (early 20s) by experiences and I've kinda stayed in my late 20s (I'm over a decade after that!) - neither of us is immature, we share a lot of deep interests from movies and music to our life-ambitions, but we also have stuff we're not both interested in and we both like the idea that we give each other some time apart.

My problem is that this is such a new relationship and til Sunday (this is thursday) we had email the whole time and now he has no email at his place, so we're over to texting but now he hasn't replied at all since he put me on the train 24 hours ago.

I don't know if this is usual, unusual, what!

I am pretty sure he hasn't changed his mind or gone off me.
I am worried his leg is bad and he's in hospital again (he had two major ops and a deep vein thrombosis in Dec/January).
I suspect the intensity of a night of deep talking, finding himself in a relationship with someone who cares deeply for him, the um er exercise (!) and lack of sleep all just have added up and he is in a Comms Shutdown for a bit.

I know i do CommsShutdowns, but we haven't had enough time together to kinda establish what our 'rules', or expectations I guess, are about this... he's due to go away with family for a week from Saturday and I know Comms will be down for that period as it's a remote spot with no mobile signal.

I'm taking the approach that two texts last night went unanswered, plus one this morning, I called his mobile phone and it just rang out. Now I leave it. If no reply by friday evening I text to say I'm guessing the radio silence means he has gone into Comms Shutdown and to get in touch when he can but that I'd appreciate a text just saying "am ok" to reassure me it isn't a physical health emergency.

Do you think I'm going the right route here?

I guess he could just have changed his mind, but I honestly don't think so.
I think it's either physical health or mental health that's deteriorated.

I'd like others' opinions, though!

Thanks

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I see a few similarities between your situation and mine. I am in something that is yet undefined with someone who is a few hours away from me, and there is a ten year age difference between us. However, he does not have PTSD while I do.

Anyway, I think it is in our nature to always want to know what is going on with someone else we are close to. When I don't hear from him for a while, all sorts of crazy thoughts start running through my head, like he doesn't love me anymore, he isn't going to talk to me anymore, blah blah blah. Of course, this is just me catastrophizing. He knows I do it, and it drives him nuts. He tells me to simply trust in him and that things are OK between us unless he comes to me and says there is a problem. Easier said than done, as I have an attachment disorder and trust is hard to come by. Needless to say, I am learning to trust him and our relationship of sorts and let go of my constant need to be reassured that everything is OK.

Hugs,
SOL

 

[Linda Lee Bogard - King]

Here goes, there is 21 years difference between me and my partner. Quite frankly, I was taken by surprised at how much I need to be treated with loving care. We both have Chronic PTSD, both of us had witnessed deaths at the age of 4, and the other crap along the way that complied a life of hell. Interests are almost identical - enough differences to make it interesting. There are days when he is silent, distant and deep in thought. But, that's what happens to us with PTSD - it has nothing to do with you - it is the disorder we try to put back in order. We also live together - so we are more aware when these moods strike one of us - I find this healing. We watch each other's back... and it's complicated, too. Boy, is it complicated!