C
cxthyyyyy
I'm not sure if this is going in the right thread, and I apologize if it isn't, but I've witnessed a death and I'm sure it is related to what I'm going through. Anyway, 5 years ago my mother died of pancreatic cancer. I was pretty young and I didn't have much memories of her. When she was dying at the end, I refused to see her. I don't remember why anymore... I was kinda addicted to the computer and I wanted to stay on there to talk to my friends probably, or maybe it hurt to see her? I'm not sure, seeing her throw up in a tray by her mouth hurt but not seeing HER or going to the hospital itself (leaving it hurt though). I don't even know anymore and that makes me sad.
She died in December, I think 2 days before or after her birthday. I was sad, yes, I cried at the funeral, yes, but when comparing myself to my father who still to this day cries about her, I barely mourned. I barely mourn now, you will very rarely see me cry about her.
Fast forward to this year. 2017. Out of the gate, something happened and I started having palpitations. This triggered the thought that I was going to die (as young as I am). I would have panic attacks on the daily and it was this vicious cycle that I always thought I was dying and because of it my school work would barely get done. I have developed hypochondria. Anyway, the panic attacks got so bad and my father was so fed up with my fears that we went to the doctor. The first trip she prescribed Celexa (10 mg) took that for 2 weeks... nothing. I felt just as bad and I ran out of medication a week before my next doctors appointment so I didn't take it anymore. I came back to the doctor blubbering and crying because of an argument with my father and she talked to me about anxiety. Stuff like 'a traumatic event can happen and your serotonin levels are so low that they don't know what to do so they don't get higher. You'll be fine for a while and then they just crash'. She said to help my OCD I should google OCD and how to prevent it and PTSD but I'm not very sure if I have PTSD... I don't know much about it but have you heard of somebody who was fine for 5 years and just emotionally collapsed? In your opinion, do you think I have PTSD? (I should go to a therapist or psychologist but in our economic situation I don't think that's very possible... so I'm going to the next best place)
She died in December, I think 2 days before or after her birthday. I was sad, yes, I cried at the funeral, yes, but when comparing myself to my father who still to this day cries about her, I barely mourned. I barely mourn now, you will very rarely see me cry about her.
Fast forward to this year. 2017. Out of the gate, something happened and I started having palpitations. This triggered the thought that I was going to die (as young as I am). I would have panic attacks on the daily and it was this vicious cycle that I always thought I was dying and because of it my school work would barely get done. I have developed hypochondria. Anyway, the panic attacks got so bad and my father was so fed up with my fears that we went to the doctor. The first trip she prescribed Celexa (10 mg) took that for 2 weeks... nothing. I felt just as bad and I ran out of medication a week before my next doctors appointment so I didn't take it anymore. I came back to the doctor blubbering and crying because of an argument with my father and she talked to me about anxiety. Stuff like 'a traumatic event can happen and your serotonin levels are so low that they don't know what to do so they don't get higher. You'll be fine for a while and then they just crash'. She said to help my OCD I should google OCD and how to prevent it and PTSD but I'm not very sure if I have PTSD... I don't know much about it but have you heard of somebody who was fine for 5 years and just emotionally collapsed? In your opinion, do you think I have PTSD? (I should go to a therapist or psychologist but in our economic situation I don't think that's very possible... so I'm going to the next best place)
