Research Repeated patters from childhood and adult sexual assault.

RebeccaReal

New Here
Putting on my Moderator Hat for a minute.
@somerandomguy Instead of telling members what they should write about, where they should post it, & what so called dues they have to pay before they do any or all of that... if you have a problem with a post; either in content or location... you’ve been here long enough to know to hit report and let Staff handle that, rather than taking it upon yourself to dish out bad info. Which is exactly what you’ve done. Threadbanned.

@RebeccaReal Staff move threads to forums they’re better suited in, all the time, and it’s of no worry or concern. Social, in particular, is the forum most new members miss-post in when wanting to connect with other members on group-style issues / comparing and contrasting notes. Someone shoots us a report, if we don’t see it first, and no fuss no muss, we move it. I apologize that this usual process was hijacked and used instead to chew you out. It was completely undeserved.

Hopefully, now, we can all return to the OP... and as always, if anyone wishes to discuss this post further? Please use Contact Us to get in touch with Staff directly, rather than replying to this post.
Thanks! I appreciate it. :)
 

RussellSue

MyPTSD Pro
I mostly struggle with career-related issues, axiety/concentration and relationships with family and friends.

For instance, I have a master's degrees and did very well in school but since I graduated 3 years ago, I have had one job for about a year and it was a minimum wage job.

My anxiety is often high enough that I really struggle to keep my attention on auditory information, so listening to a boss (or anyone) talk is very hard for me.

Outside of my PTSD.com, I have my husband and my best friend and no other real bonds outside of family. My family bonds are strained because of abuse, trauma and other issues. For instance, my sister always wanted a "normal" life but because I have a cleft lip, she didn't have that until she was an adult. She still seems bitter but I don't know how to address it considering that "normal" was taken from me in the womb.

Not sure how helpful that is but feel free to ask questions if you need/want to.
 

RebeccaReal

New Here
I mostly struggle with career-related issues, axiety/concentration and relationships with family and friends.

For instance, I have a master's degrees and did very well in school but since I graduated 3 years ago, I have had one job for about a year and it was a minimum wage job.

My anxiety is often high enough that I really struggle to keep my attention on auditory information, so listening to a boss (or anyone) talk is very hard for me.

Outside of my PTSD.com, I have my husband and my best friend and no other real bonds outside of family. My family bonds are strained because of abuse, trauma and other issues. For instance, my sister always wanted a "normal" life but because I have a cleft lip, she didn't have that until she was an adult. She still seems bitter but I don't know how to address it considering that "normal" was taken from me in the womb.

Not sure how helpful that is but feel free to ask questions if you need/want to.
This is very helpful! I really appreciate the specifics. I have a few questions, but please feel free to ignore them if you don't wish to share more.

This is actually very similar to what I experienced... like oddly the same.

I am highly "accomplished" but used to struggle to make real money. I could never seem to break through a certain level of income... Is this true for you? making minimum wage now, but have you made more money in the past?

I also had issues with auditory information, comprehending when people would give me instructions and I was often annoyed by loud noises, like people playing loud music or bass or things like the refrigerator running... Do you find that noises bother you?

You mentioned you are married. Did you find it hard to meet new people or keep close friends when you were single?


thanks for your help- i really appreciate you sharing. :)
 

RussellSue

MyPTSD Pro
In my early 20s, I managed a sign shop and made a little less than $10 per hour. That was in year 2000-2002, and minimum wage was $6.25 in 2001 in that area at the time. That was the best I ever did after finishing high school with a 4.0 all the way through.

Noises don't bother me much anymore. But I just realized something -- I maybe shouldn't be giving you information because I actually don't have an active PTSD diagnosis, anymore. I have not for a couple of years. Though, I still have GAD.

Sorry that didn't register until now. I am still part of this group because I made friends here, may relapse and suffered major long-term cognitive effects from PTSD (many of which I still have) and because I am still very much a trauma survivor. Nevertheless, my last three symptom screenings (or whatever those things are called) said I was not reporting enough symptoms to have a PTSD diagnosis.

I'll finish answering in case you are able to use this for anything. I've always been pretty social and meet people easily but have had few close friends since high school - maybe 3. I am 40, now.

But I did meet partners and develop relationships. I was actually engaged 2 other times but both men died while we were together. We had good relationships/there was no abuse. However, both had utterly failed to manage their diabettes and both died very young (early 40s) as a result. I believe the underlying reason was depression in both cases. Both men were 15+ years older than me when we were together. For many years I had very little contact with anyone my own age because I got sober young and didn't relate to people my age.

Hopefully some of that is useful. I did have a PTSD diagnosis for quite a few years but like most, certainly should have had it much earlier.

Take care!
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
My brief story:
Emotionally neglectful/harmful parenting (which I only truly realised in adulthood). Sexual assault aged 11. Drink and drugs followed, with rape and CSE, and then controling relationships in teenager and young adulthood.

Having money: I started working very early so that I had money (initially for drugs but also to leave home as soon as possible). I have a massive drive to be financially secure. Have always worked. So for me: I've prob got a trauma response to my financial situation and stability (I have to rely on me and me alone and money gives independence and security. I had to leave home as soon as I could. I needed to run away from everything there and I could only do that with money).

Relationships: I turned this around. Have healthy supportive friendships and a healthy intimate relationship. It takes me a very very long time to trust and open up, but when I do: I'm very happy with my friends. They are my chosen family. Before I would just do whatever the other person wanted and had no agency/autonmy at all.

What I struggle with now, as a woman in my 40's:
I spent so much of my childhood 'not being'. Not drawing attention to myself. Not expressing myself. Not feeling emotions. Not knowing how to self soothe.
I disassociated A LOT as a child and young adult. And I realise my parents do this too.
So I cope and cope and cope and cope and then it fell apart.
Denying my emotions and my experiences only worked for so long.
So I am learning what my emotions are.
Learning how to take my space and express myself
Learning how to let others take care of me
Learning how to be vulnerable and be ok with that.
So it's this understanding of me, reducing anxiety, accepting the past, that I struggle with.
I'm also now struggling with sex.
And triggers.
Certain people: drunk, loud, unpredictable people put me on edge. Groups of men put me on edge. I immediately get frightened, passive, submissive, and lose me.
And my family: I can't resolve how I interact with them and can't decide whether to stop contact or what to do.
 

RebeccaReal

New Here
In my early 20s, I managed a sign shop and made a little less than $10 per hour. That was in year 2000-2002, and minimum wage was $6.25 in 2001 in that area at the time. That was the best I ever did after finishing high school with a 4.0 all the way through.

Noises don't bother me much anymore. But I just realized something -- I maybe shouldn't be giving you information because I actually don't have an active PTSD diagnosis, anymore. I have not for a couple of years. Though, I still have GAD.

Sorry that didn't register until now. I am still part of this group because I made friends here, may relapse and suffered major long-term cognitive effects from PTSD (many of which I still have) and because I am still very much a trauma survivor. Nevertheless, my last three symptom screenings (or whatever those things are called) said I was not reporting enough symptoms to have a PTSD diagnosis.

I'll finish answering in case you are able to use this for anything. I've always been pretty social and meet people easily but have had few close friends since high school - maybe 3. I am 40, now.

But I did meet partners and develop relationships. I was actually engaged 2 other times but both men died while we were together. We had good relationships/there was no abuse. However, both had utterly failed to manage their diabettes and both died very young (early 40s) as a result. I believe the underlying reason was depression in both cases. Both men were 15+ years older than me when we were together. For many years I had very little contact with anyone my own age because I got sober young and didn't relate to people my age.

Hopefully some of that is useful. I did have a PTSD diagnosis for quite a few years but like most, certainly should have had it much earlier.

Take care!
Thank you again! this is all very helpful. A specific diagnosis isn't the important part- I am more interested in the longer term effects of trauma and I am looking to do research in the underserved areas, which actually may be more specifically working with people who don't meet the criteria for PTSD but still have specific patterns or struggles. My studies are in neuroscience and epigenetics... and I am most interested in people with past trauma and how that relates to seemingly unrelated physical symptoms, or things that seem like weird coincidences. For example In your case, you were engaged twice to older men who both had diabetes and depression. Im not suggesting that specifically had anything directly to do with your trauma or psychology, however if that were a common trait among women with past trauma... that is the type of thing I am looking for :) You have been most helpful and I truly appreciate you sharing!


Have you looked into Imposter Syndrome? What you are describing regarding lower paying jobs despite that you are clearly very intelligent and a high achiever. My past research has looked into Trauma induced imposter syndrome and the overlapping characteristics.

My brief story:
Emotionally neglectful/harmful parenting (which I only truly realised in adulthood). Sexual assault aged 11. Drink and drugs followed, with rape and CSE, and then controling relationships in teenager and young adulthood.

Having money: I started working very early so that I had money (initially for drugs but also to leave home as soon as possible). I have a massive drive to be financially secure. Have always worked. So for me: I've prob got a trauma response to my financial situation and stability (I have to rely on me and me alone and money gives independence and security. I had to leave home as soon as I could. I needed to run away from everything there and I could only do that with money).

Relationships: I turned this around. Have healthy supportive friendships and a healthy intimate relationship. It takes me a very very long time to trust and open up, but when I do: I'm very happy with my friends. They are my chosen family. Before I would just do whatever the other person wanted and had no agency/autonmy at all.

What I struggle with now, as a woman in my 40's:
I spent so much of my childhood 'not being'. Not drawing attention to myself. Not expressing myself. Not feeling emotions. Not knowing how to self soothe.
I disassociated A LOT as a child and young adult. And I realise my parents do this too.
So I cope and cope and cope and cope and then it fell apart.
Denying my emotions and my experiences only worked for so long.
So I am learning what my emotions are.
Learning how to take my space and express myself
Learning how to let others take care of me
Learning how to be vulnerable and be ok with that.
So it's this understanding of me, reducing anxiety, accepting the past, that I struggle with.
I'm also now struggling with sex.
And triggers.
Certain people: drunk, loud, unpredictable people put me on edge. Groups of men put me on edge. I immediately get frightened, passive, submissive, and lose me.
And my family: I can't resolve how I interact with them and can't decide whether to stop contact or what to do.
Thank you for sharing this with me. I appreciate you being open and honest about your struggles. I have a few questions; please answer whatever you feel comfortable sharing- or ignore if you prefer :)
If I understand you correctly, you biggest struggles are with reducing anxiety and what you call accepting the past- are you struggling with certain emotions when you think of past events? such as anger, or fear, shame, or is it something else?

You also mentioned struggling with sex, and you are in a supportive relationship. Have you always struggled with sex, or is this something that has surfaced more recently?

The family issue is actually something I still struggle with as well. In my case I no longer interact with 2 people who directly abused me- however I struggle because both of my parents still have close contact with them. It feels a little bit of a betrayal that my parents still communicate with my abusers, however I tend to keep my distance from my parents, and keep my relationship with them "surface level" so far it seems to be keeping things in balance... I have been interested in studying this -however it still hits a little too close to home for me, so I think it's best that I don't use this for my research topics.


Thank you for your help!
 
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RussellSue

MyPTSD Pro
Have you looked into Imposter Syndrome? What you are describing regarding lower paying jobs despite that you are clearly very intelligent and a high achiever. My past research has looked into Trauma induced imposter syndrome and the overlapping characteristics.
Thank you. I have considered Imposter Syndrome, Avoidant Personality Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder, etc. I know that the bottom line is anxiety and I also know that a lot of my trauma surrounds having others not relate well to me because of growing up with a cleft lip. My formative years involved rejection from family and the outside world and so I am just plain missing a lot of the programming that would help me to succeed professionally.

I am working on it, though. I still have a lot of limitations regarding being live and in-person while working with others. I was making a lot of progress in this arena but chronic pain over the last couple of years has set me back because it has a serious effect on my ability to talk and concentrate, at times. Ultimately, I am hoping to work in fundraising and am on my second year of volunteer grant writing. For some reason, I can't fit in the holes that are easy to get into and so even after grad school, I am paying dues in order to get into work that ultimately still doesn't pay that well. Sigh.

Hopefully, I am on some sort of right track. I don't care that much about money but making a living wage one day is a goal I have. 😆
 

WillyKat

MyPTSD Pro
I agree that men may also need help, however being a women I know that I can relate and empathize better with what women experience, and I am perhaps am not equipped to empathize with the specifics of men's suffering. I am in no way discounting that men who have experienced abuse or trauma face unique and difficult challenges in overcoming this, however I do know my limitations within my own experience. I am studying gender neutral solutions in my classes, however in my targeted research I have chosen to explore what I am more familiar with.
I think though that including men in your research might actually help you understand things, even if you want to focus on women. For example, as a man, I don't worry too much about going into the dark parking garage at work (pre-covid). I'm 6'3" and about 220, so I don't get hassled very much. On the other hand, men generally are less likely to seek help, less likely to open up, and those things have a major impact.

In short, I don't think there's much difference in the crime, but the recovery issues are important. Comparing women's experiences to men may highlight things in ways you can't predict.
 
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