General Repressed or forgotten trauma incidents and treatment options for my mother

[KathK]

Hey all,

Had a few triggers the last couple of weeks which have really thrown me, especially already being in a cptsd flare. By chance one of these was a letter from my narc father (if not full NPD like my primary doctor said then definitely strong narc traits). My mother is challenging but in short I showed her the letter and talked about some of the things that led to me going no contact with my father over a decade ago and how he’s breached it through the years.

She was absolutely shockEd and stunned and asked why I’d never mentioned any of this (apart from a couple of the things she was aware of like him turning up at her place uninvited and without warning one Xmas then trying to dictate how she should do things in her home, and twisting the facts to blame primarily me because I stood up for mum and told him basically that it’s not his home and he’s not in control); I said the truth, I was trying to protect her. We also discussed some of what I witnessed as a child, and she has no recollection of most of the more severe/impactful incidents. I told her that’s a normal trauma response.

She’s shaken by all this, and she’s had ongoing behavioural issues from the trauma despite divorcing 25+yrs ago, not helped by his new wife enabling him. I don’t know if she’s ready to work on any of her issues inc traumas, however she’s starting to listen to my experience and needs Re my cptsd, and the discussion re my father and his treatment of her in person and his misrepresentation of her in public have shaken her so it’s possible. She’s had issues with food/obesity and hoarding and emotional regulation to an increasing extent since the physical violence started, and they’ve never been addressed and have continued/worsened over the last couple of decades. He also eroded her self and confidence, she is very needy as she doesn’t believe she can do most things (outside basic ADLs) without being in partnership or done for her, even paying rent on one of the garages she hoards things in (she’s got 5 at present, all chock full).

So my question is, given she consciously has little to no memory of most of her traumas (including some childhood traumas I’m aware of but particularly the DV I grew up with), where’s the best place to start (assuming she agrees)? I was thinking something like somatosensory psychotherapy as one doesn’t necessarily have to talk about the trauma with that style, and reportedly she tried hypnotherapy decades ago but again before the DV. So what type of therapy/treatment should I be suggesting for her, if she agrees?

Thanks crew…I’m rocky enough and can’t keep up effectively being her sporadic therapist on top of dealing with my own stuff

 

[Sideways]

Mod Note:
@KathK - I’ve moved this thread into supporter discussion, since it’s primarily about your supporting your mum with her trauma and related issues.

 

[Friday]

So my question is, given she consciously has little to no memory of most of her traumas (including some childhood traumas I’m aware of but particularly the DV I grew up with), where’s the best place to start (assuming she agrees)? I was thinking something like somatosensory psychotherapy as one doesn’t necessarily have to talk about the trauma with that style,

Which modalities/schools of thought she’s going to jive with best? Will depend almooooost entirely on her personality, and what.-if any- disorders she may have.

It’s easy to forget, having PTSD, that trauma causes ALL SORTS of problems for people. PTSD just being one of them.

So I would say to “just” focus on getting her into trauma therapy, with the most skilled person you can find. <<< They’ll not only be used to working with all the disorders and conditions trauma leaves in its wake, but as trauma therapists are nearly always multi-modal? Can adjust which treatments and therapies they use, based on their experience with your mom.

reportedly she tried hypnotherapy decades ago but again before the DV.

Any highly trained hypnotherapists will kick a trauma client to the curb so fast their head will spin. Hypnotherapy + Trauma = Very Bad Things. Hollywood loooooves to use them to further the plot, but real hypnotherapists aren’t keen on triggering psychotic breaks and/or suicides, which is what happens more often than not. If you ever run into a hypnotherapist that seeks out trauma clients? You will usually find their name listed across several different police forces (notorious for taking advantage of hospitalised or jailed clients to not-rob them, signatures that cannot be proven to not have been given before they went whackadoodle), and black listed across therapeutic circles. Angrily blacklisted in hypnotherapeutic circles.

So even if she’s keen to return to hynotherapy? I’d strongly advise telling her to wait until she’s completed trauma therapy, and doesn’t have any demons to wake up on accident.