Stephernovas
Gold Member
Long story short, I am off work. My trauma that caused me to develop PTSD was during work hours. So, I am covered by insurance to see a psychotherapist. I find I'm currently challenged a little too much. She wants me to start imaginal exposure this week, and I'm declining. She says I'm ready, but I'm immediately riddled with fear and anxiety the second I think about it, or someone suggests we talk about it. The moment we start I will spin into a panic attack - I can guarantee it.
But, besides that point, I have confided in her that I do not have an interest in returning to the same job/position where I had the accident. This role (or any position where I could have education for in the agencies I work all have the requirement of driving). Yes, I currently am avoiding driving right now, but my reservations to begin imaginal exposure, or progress with any exposure is that the end goal is to get me well enough to return to my position.
How do I effectively communicate to my therapist that I did not like my job even before the accident, and this is not just the PTSD avoidance talking like she thinks. I will happily work on getting better at driving with lessened (or hopefully no) fear, but I refuse to work towards something I have no desire to do again. This whole trauma made me realize that I was severely unhappy in my life and was not passionate about my work - I felt like a servant who does the dirty work while everyone else gets to live their lives. I worked hard to become a social worker, but that career is notorious for burn out, and many risks given the high-risk populations we work with. At the end of the day, I don't want to work in a position/field where the likelihood of another life threatening accident/trauma is high (even vicarious trauma - am I not now at a greater risk to basically compound my PTSD by seeing/hearing more trauma). I want to pick a job where driving is NOT a requirement (this was something that bothered me before the accident too - it's just too much stress to manage car maintenance and etc). I worked hard for my degree and my vehicle, now I already have to struggle to manage PTSD, why would I stay in a job that throws it in my face all day? Is that really avoidance like my therapist seems to believe, or is this a huge life change that I didn't listen to until I almost died? Thoughts?
But, besides that point, I have confided in her that I do not have an interest in returning to the same job/position where I had the accident. This role (or any position where I could have education for in the agencies I work all have the requirement of driving). Yes, I currently am avoiding driving right now, but my reservations to begin imaginal exposure, or progress with any exposure is that the end goal is to get me well enough to return to my position.
How do I effectively communicate to my therapist that I did not like my job even before the accident, and this is not just the PTSD avoidance talking like she thinks. I will happily work on getting better at driving with lessened (or hopefully no) fear, but I refuse to work towards something I have no desire to do again. This whole trauma made me realize that I was severely unhappy in my life and was not passionate about my work - I felt like a servant who does the dirty work while everyone else gets to live their lives. I worked hard to become a social worker, but that career is notorious for burn out, and many risks given the high-risk populations we work with. At the end of the day, I don't want to work in a position/field where the likelihood of another life threatening accident/trauma is high (even vicarious trauma - am I not now at a greater risk to basically compound my PTSD by seeing/hearing more trauma). I want to pick a job where driving is NOT a requirement (this was something that bothered me before the accident too - it's just too much stress to manage car maintenance and etc). I worked hard for my degree and my vehicle, now I already have to struggle to manage PTSD, why would I stay in a job that throws it in my face all day? Is that really avoidance like my therapist seems to believe, or is this a huge life change that I didn't listen to until I almost died? Thoughts?
