Saying No

[shimmerz]

Looking for their motives might not be very useful.

Yes. Thank you for this. In thinking about it, this seems to be more of looking for a distraction by guessing what the issue is. Best that I continue on as if I don't notice and just say no. This is my challenge though. I don't know how to extract myself from possible questions about my use of no. Hard to explain.

I think we can both overcome this "no" obstacle!

I hope so Eve! I recognize that I say NO to myself VERY often. Now if I could just externalize this with some form of social finesse. Betty Cocker I am not. Nor do I ever wish to be. Just not in my DNA.

"If I say no, they will not like me."

For me it is more a direct connection to 'If they don't like me I will be killed, maimed, etc etc'. I have trained myself to know that when I think this way (killed, etc) that it is a 'part' or something that is speaking. That's why this post. :confused:

 

[UnKnown-Self]

There is nothing wrong in not wanting to or not liking to cook. Restaurants depend on it :)
You don't have to feel guilty, explain anything to anyone, especially explain its a trigger.
I don't know how much your SO knows but at the end of the day, you don't do cooking.
So what! You can go out to eat or your SO can cook.
Don't change just to please others, it will not work.

Simply saying I don't cook with a gently sarcastic I am who I am to his family.... Is the best way you can say f*ck you.

If they don't like you because you don't cook.... It's an excuse to find fault ... Even if you did cook... There would be something else.

f*ck them if they don't accept you for you.

I know that is so much easier said then done but you DO deserve to be accepted for yourself even at the times you don't know yourself who you are.

I understand the feeling of not being liked equaling there is something so wrong with you and if you were (fill in the blank but whatever it is, it's not you) you would be okay.

I wish I knew how to get passed it too. Someday we will.