Sexual Intimacy: My Impotence Vs Her Low Libido

[Chip Mitchell]

I am a miracle c-6 walking quad with anxiety from my accident, and erectile disfunction issues from my injury. I've been dating a woman for 6 months and disclosed my physical problems up front. I noticed our last two months have been lackluster intimately. A week ago while I was at home alone I addressed the situation, we discussed things briefly in person a few days ago and she finally allegedly admitted to having a low libido. I need prescription meds to ensure a mediocre intimate experience on a good day, but we have had some amazing nights leading up to this recent claim. I love this woman, and she claims to reciprocate, but since my anxiety fueled outburst, she has been very cold in person and very brief in our digital communications. Is she upset by my issues? is she truly low libido? Or is she just mad at me for calling her out? Any advice?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

My guess is that it is the outburst that caused her to cool off. I've had partners who could deal with the outbursts and if anything it helped to spark things along, and then other partners who would shut down at the slightest hint of anything negative. The last guy I was seeing would shut down at anything even remotely negative, and it ended up being a no-go with him, even though my negative thoughts centered around myself and I was careful to never direct them at him. Sadly, I've realized that even though I love sensitive guys, they're a no-go in the long run because the slightest symptom of mine will set them off (rather cool them down).

I hope you can work things out with your lady friend. If she can't handle your symptoms, then perhaps she's not the one for you. (I'm not making excuses for outbursts, but hey, sometimes we need to be realistic and admit that they will happen from time to time, even when we're doing our best to control things.)

 

[ghotiff]

Another thought is that maybe she feels bad about having a low libido and you inadvertently criticized it during your outburst.

Just thoughts.

 

[StarChild]

but since my anxiety fueled outburst, she has been very cold in person and very brief in our digital communications. Is she upset by my issues?

Is she upset by my issues? is she truly low libido? Or is she just mad at me for calling her out?

I'd like to ask you a few questions, before I can give a useful answer. Because there's to less information to give advice.

• What are your outbursts about? You say anxiety. Anxiety about what?
• How strong are your outbursts. Are you shouting / yelling at her? And / or is your behaviour or your words towards her threatening? ( I.E punch the wall with your fists, destroy things?) How do you act and what do you say (or yell?) during such outbursts?
  
• On what exactly did you call her out?
• What are your issues you refer to, in this post (except erectile dysfunction)?

It would be very helpful if you would answer these questions. Thank you in advance.

 

[somerandomguy]

Looks like the "chasing dynamic" was happening, or was about to happen, in your relationship.

1. High-libido partner wants more sex
2. Low-libido partner declines ...
3. Which makes high-libido partner more desperate, and ask for sex more ...
4. Which pisses off low-libido partner, who is now not really ever going to be receptive. Repeat endlessly.

This is relationship death. Every time.