Six Ways to be The Persecutory Therapist *cue the thunder and lightning*

[KA60]

You have been through a lot. I am so sorry. A licensed health care provider is not being ethical in my opinion with treatment of you. You will get through this and find another provider

 

[ms spock]

Whilst she now says there is 18 months, do you want another 18 months of this?

No I feel that it is very unsettling, destabilising and tortuous. She mocked me for being concerned about the amount of psychiatrists in my area. But is now stating that the lack of supply is why she can't help me. I stuck on there and put up with being put down because I thought with my complicated medication, she would finally get me a psychiatrist who would be able to manage the nuance of my medications.

Or a referral now to someone more able to be consistent and aware?

She definitely is inconsistent in an ongoing manner.

She has never said to me that she would stay on for another 18 months. I am cynical about this statement. She has never told me this length of time ever. It is what she wrote as part of her referral.

I did ring the one psychiatrist I have an appointment for to get on the wait list (that I organised myself as my psychiatrist was not providing a referral) and said that as my psychiatrist is retiring I was concerned that I may not have enough scripts and medication to get me through to October. I got that referral via my GP.

So maybe things have changed with her retirement again. Or maybe she's covering her behind because of what she has prescribed me. She made me promise to never tell anyone what she was prescribing me. If I requested that type of medication I would be seen as drug seeking. It is a psychiatrist to psychiatrist conversation. I have a strange metabolism. Also she would need a year or so to titrate/wean me of these drugs and dosages.

The referral does mention the drugs but not the regularity of use.

What she says is really hard to keep up with. It is too exhausting.

I am finished. I have had enough. I am not going back for another session. She has not apologised or taken responsibility for what she has said and done.

She wrote me an email that I am "centring myself in this situation". I don't know what to say to that. Does she want client free sessions? Does she not want to do what she promised me (and she is legally required to do) to transition me over to someone good?

I will probably never know.

 

[ms spock]

You have been through a lot.

Thank you for your kind words.

It has been a lot.

I also lived through a Cyclone, the house next door burning down, losing 90% of my stuff, the Insurance Company behaving poorly, poor work which had to be fixed by other tradies, several intensive, time consuming complaints processes and being attacked by a plasterer.

Continuing extreme weather events of heat and rain.

A friend of four decades died. I didn't get to see him.

Another friend I didn't get to see died and that was so sad. There have been other deaths but I was able to zoom the funerals.

My relationship has been most challenging.

Not having a kitchen and a laundry has been difficult.

I am so sorry. A licensed health care provider is not being ethical in my opinion with treatment of you.

She's been inconsistent. She has said things that were very unhelpful. She lied to me about I could trust her and she would fix it.

You will get through this and find another provider

I will get through this. I will develop so many more good skills whilst I am dealing with this.

The relationship with my current psychiatrist is two decades. I lived with my family for 15 years. She is the longest relationship I have ever had. This is painful.

It is a big change for me. I never imagined that it would end like this.

My heart is a little broken.

 

[ms spock]

I don't why she felt the need the to say such unkind and unhelpful things.

Why say these things now?

I am having a bit weep.

I really tried my best and it wasn't good enough for her.

After 20 years it hurts.

I will get through this.

But it really hurts.

 

[ms spock]

Thank you for all your kind words. @KA60

I do have other support. I am seeing a trauma informed counsellor.

Because of the issues with my psychiatrist not understanding or listening to me. I found a trauma informed counsellor about five years ago.

I have done a lot with her. She's been really helpful. So I am taking all of this to her.

I can be honest with her and she won't punish me. She has been gently assisting me. But also calling out my black/ white thinking. But not in a harsh way.

 

[ms spock]

Gosh, I would find all that really destabilising.

It has been.

I was thinking about the 'opaque' quite a bit when you were writing aboit her retirement plans.

She's passed on other of her clients.

I can understand someone's retirement plans changing as it is such a huge decision. But a mental health professional, I would expect them to know the impact all those changes would have on a client.

She's been a psychiatrist a long time you would think that she would know the impact all those changes would have on a client.

When she had breast cancer she managed that.

And to be explicit and acknowledge the change, and invite discussion about how the change is impacting.

It has been a dog's breakfast. The goalposts keep changing. It has been extremely anxiety provoking for me. The uncertainty about exactly when she would retire has been dysregulating for me.

I just wanted to get some referrals and move on.

I don't see the referral being petty (of the person whose books are closed) but a other sign of her incompetence (that word might be too harsh to describe it but I couldn't think of another one - essentially , it doesn't read as deliberate more careless because there seems to be a theme of carelessness or adhoc-ness about her approach).

I could be wrong. She could be incompetent, being careless, or being adhoc towards me and my care.

I had told her about this psychiatrist and if she had given me a referral earlier I could have potentially changed over and been with this new psychiatrist before that person closed their books.

It might not have worked out with this new psychiatrist but it would have been a chance to connect with another psychiatrist.

There is also clearly a disorganised element to her, which has impacted you .

It has really been stressful.

One example is not finding another appointment time so you could do the course. The constant promising and reassurance. And then failing to deliver. That is really very poor. And it sounds like she has never acknowledged that either, or done actions to change that. Of course you will give up asking.

That was upsetting to me it was very important to me. It was an important opportunity for me.