So this field biologist gig with the Corps of Engineers has been interesting so far. In addition to learning lots of science geek stuff here are the highlights thus far:
May-
June-
May-
- Damn near died in the boat as previously discussed. Bought a KBAR Archeron, a SOG SEALpup, and a SOG multitool as a result. No longer travel without both my Fasthawk and one of my Tactical Tomahawks, also by SOG. Haven't used them for anything but opening boxes since...damnit...
June-
- Fell into a barrel of rattlesnakes...literally. Ran screaming like a little girl and excreted various fluid and semi-solid metabolites simultaneously.
- Was threatened at gunpoint by government-hating white supremacy trash and explained that they might shoot me, but not before one of them ends up with a tomahawk in the face. (They ran. Even with my facial scars gone I can fake being completely insane well...)
- Discovered every single person in South Dakota is ignorant, poorly educated, and incapable of using turn signals, merging or breathing through their nostrils.
- Re-named Yankton, SD, "Skankton" because I really, really am tired of the high population of significantly ugly, greasy, foul smelling women hitting on me....and not buying me drinks in the process...
- Got stranded in Linton, ND with a broken boat trailer axle and then found a bar to do a proper feasibility study in. Not sure how I got home. Turns out booze is cheap up there. Shame on me and my lightweight liver.
- Removed a hen pheasant from the front grille of a senior citizen's BMW and then inadvertently insulted the poor guy by refusing his offer of cash. Sorry random old dude, but where I grew up y'uns respect thine elders and taking a reward for a good deed is disrespectful. Guess that ain't true everywhere.
- Saw my first prairie dog town that wasn't deserted and a ton of burrowing owls. Also the healthiest looking live coyote ever and a porcupine. Had no idea there were prairie dwelling porkies!
- Was once again threatened at gun point, this time by some Sioux Indians on a certain reservation. Used the tomahawk line on them. Was then invited to dinner a midst universal laughter. Not sure what Sioux for big f*cking testicles" is, but apparently I have them so I was told. Traded a spare SOG Fasthawk for a wicked-cool hand carved stone pipe. Still amazed at their amazing native language and greatly enjoyed tribal buffalo steaks. That is REAL grass-fed, folks!
- Got a tooth broken (only four teeth left now!) and my ass knocked out of the boat by one of those 35 lb "Asian carp"...which I miraculously hooked in the gills with my thumb as I went into the drink. Tomahawked said fish with extreme prejudice after getting poor quality pictures. (One less invasive species breeder in Oahe watershed!)
- Had my truck tires slashed by random in-breeder that don't like the Corps of Engineers...except I watched him do it from my motel room window....accidentally spilled an entire liter of 50 molar Nitric acid (that's really, really strong acid for you lay-peoples) through a funnel in the carburetor of his truck after he walked into the pub. Lesson learned here: Don't f*ck with a biochemist that has mechanical knowledge when your hood don't latch. Also, We carry four spare tires in remote locations. A smart in-breeder would have slashed the boat trailer tires...
