So Upset With My Therapist And Don't Know What To Do

[lonelyone82]

Sorry about your situation. It would trigger a lot of anxiety and stress to not have that support anymore. It also is upsetting because of the fact it's a reminder of the financial aspect of her help rather than someone genuinely caring. They are both upsetting and your reactions are normal. I don't have any advice as I am sure you are doing your best. I sympathize and hope things improve. I can relate.

 

[barefoot]

@scout86 that's an interesting question and I'm not sure I know the answer. Partly because I have difficulty in actually saying no, so I'm not really familiar with how it feels to say it! But I suppose the idea of saying no...yes...can be scary. And I think there's something about,if I do say no, it will probably be ignored anyway. So it's easier not to say it and easier to go along with things and let things happen, even though, inside, I still feel the no.

Actually, I think there is a lot of shame for me around "no"...shame and embarrassment and awkwardness and fear around saying it. Shame of saying it and having it ignored. Shame on feeling/thinking no but not feeling able to say it and then shame afterwards that I didn't say it.

Hmm...yeah...

And I think there's another big issue with my work with my therapist. I want to try to work on shame (even though I don't really means what that would mean/look like) But I don't think my therapist thinks it's possible because I have a lot of defences in sessions that kick in to protect me from it, including dissociation. And she said - around the time that we started having this conversation about running out of sessions/what's next - that we need to respect "the no" of my defences and be realistic about what's really possible in terms of our work and my healing.

So maybe this is all just too many big issues all tangled up and the upshot is, if I can't afford the sessions, I don't get to have another try with the stuff she is wary about anyway.

 

[scout86]

Mind reading is really tempting. There are probably a lot of things she might have meant by respecting the 'no' of your resistance. For myself, I think resistance can mean no, for now, but it's subject to change and part of the purpose of therapy and the therapeutic relationship is to help you feel safe enough to get past resistance.

If the worst outcome from saying 'no' is being ignored, it seems like you might as well say it because silence gets you exactly the same result.

I hope the two of you can at least reach a place where you understand what was going on. I think talking about the financial aspect of this is hard for a lot of people. I'd bet it's especially hard for a T if they actually care about a client.

I'll be pulling for you!

 

[Freedomfighter]

This is going to be long, sorry...but I would really appreciate any thoughts as I'm in a real state ab...

So sorry about your pain, it is understandable. I am a business owner and every penny I make really does go to necessities, it really does pay for my food and shelter only, no luxuries, very seldom. So from my point of view when I charge certain fees that I have not raised for years then I do not charge for frills, my life depends on making a good living with my business.

Surely, there are professionals that will charge excessively, I am not one of them, probably never will be.
The mere fact that you can still get some help will most likely force you to focus more on self care. What I mean is this: ask your therapist if you can tape your sessions, to make audio files from them so you can repeat important treatment sessions if the need arises. Imagine, whenever you feel really bad you replay those sessions and I would think that helps.

You may also try to ask which kind of therapy your therapist is administering, because each kind of therapy has a different description. And believe it or not most of those therapies are offered on videos and audio tapes and many of them can be accessed online.

So, if you have audio tapes from your T that you can repeat that will give you the therapy that is personally related to your experiences.
When you explore therapies that you can purchase on videos or CD's you might encounter additional therapies that were never offered by your regular T but that could be extremely helpful.

It will also help you in one regard: to make you more independent, to actually research your condition and I think it is hugely empowering when a PTSD victim does their own research about this condition. I participated in such research yesterday when doing online brain training ( a great aid by the way) and noticed that I could not even put together very basic words and sentences. I found out what the scientific term is for that, where it originates within the PTSD brain and it even explained to me how PTSD victims react to dangers around them without being able to react accordingly. It was eye opening and I feel great when I can learn on my own about that.

Do not despair, when you notice that your independence is increasing and you learn more on your own then you are actually going to get stronger.

I hope that is what will happen for you.

 

[Robo]

Hey I don't know what to say other than when I read your post my heart really broke for you. I would be feeling all the same things that you are feeling. I'm really sorry this is happening, you have a right to be hurt by this and your feelings are valid. However it plays out, I hope you can hold on to that validity. So many of us always find excuses for other people's crappy behaviour. I just want you to know I am thinking of you, and I think how you feel is totally rational and she has handled this really badly. I just want to send you lots of positive well wishes and a virtual hug.

You are so so brave to have been trusting and open and committed to your therapy for so long and no matter what happens never feel stupid or ashamed of that. You're a wonderful brave warrior trying to heal. I wish you all the best I really do!

 

[Sandstone]

that's an interesting question and I'm not sure I know the answer.

Actually, I think

Hmm...yeah...

And I think there's another big issue

This what I love most about the people who use this forum effectively. You are working hard at healing, outside therapy sessions. You aren't closed to movement, and you are honest about the struggle.

 

[barefoot]

I realised in bed last night that her proposal of £80 for one session a month offers me a quarter of the time I have now and costs half (when I include my travel costs on top of her fees) of what I said I could afford per month. So, I'm now a bit mystified as to why she didn't offer fortnightly instead of monthly. Unless she is only willing to offer me one session at £80 so offering one at £80 and one at £120 makes it too expensive...?

I know I'm mind-reading again! I just find everything about how she has handled the last three months so confusing and difficult to understand because, to me, it doesn't make sense at all. And I find that very hard. I want it to make sense!

This all just feels so weird to me today and I really want to get to the bottom of what's really going on. But I'm also very mindful of the fact that, going in with that intention, I suspect I will leave disappointed as she will likely just get defensive and put it all on me. So...I need to be a bit careful not to end up creating more anxiety and distress for myself.

I am planning on going to my session this afternoon to let her know how I'm left feeling about this whole situation, to ask her how we get the most value out of monthly (or fortnightly?) sessions if I choose to move forward in that way and to see how I feel when I'm with her (does it feel salvageable/do I actually want to keep seeing her?)

I feel very nervous about it but feel that I just need to go in and somehow try to get this sorted so that I know where I stand and what my options are.

I am determined not to put pressure on myself to make any decisions about next steps in today's session. I want to go in, say what I feel I need to say, listen to her responses, see how I feel about it all/her and then come away to reflect.

Now need to focus on a work meeting I have this morning. Positive thoughts welcome as, if this goes well and I get the project, it will be a very welcome boost to my finances and will relieve some pressure for a while... Focus, focus, focus barefoot!

 

[James McGregor]

No, I didn't ask her that. About three months ago when she first said that we had five hours left (whi...

most important thing i think is when you see her - be very honest about how your feeling about all this. if you dont then it will be very hard to continue with her at all, and will probably make you feel quite resentful

 

[James McGregor]

I realised in bed last night that her proposal of £80 for one session a month offers me a quarter of...

now that i think about it, i have had similar things in the past - when ive been seeing a therapist long term and suddenly it comes to an end with little warning. sometimes i think its a test to see how we handle "endings" - which is a big problem for many, but all it did for me was make me angry and very resentful, it probably set me back quite a lot

 

[Suzetig]

Honestly £160 per month is a good amount to pay for therapy - I don't pay anywhere near that and see mine weekly. It's not that you're "too poor" to afford it, her fees are quite high - I guess I'm trying to help you not feel inferior or like a cheapskate when you see her because many people in the U.K. pay much less than you are.

 

[James McGregor]

Honestly £160 per month is a good amount to pay for therapy - I don't pay anywhere near that and see m...

i would agree, even for london that seems a very high amount to pay for a single hour, even half that is higher than the average, she sounds like a bit of a chancer

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I don't think we've ever communicated here before, however I just want to add that my heart aches for you.

I don't think there's anything new that I could add that hasn't already been addressed. What a horribly painful time this is for you. I just can't imagine.