Somatic Experiencing Question

[si2525]

Hi Everyone,

I've had ptsd for 20 years but only fully realised what it was about 1 year ago. I got in a bad way, depression, drinking too much, etc, then decided I had to do something about it, so I have been seeing a therapist for the last six months.

She is great and I have made a lot of progress in the last six months,feel alot stronger but still have a way to go. Plus it has got a bit complicated as it looks as if we have uncovered some earlier childhood trauma which I had no idea about. But, it answers alot of questions of why I have behaved the way I have.

It has been slow but her main approach is similar to somatic experiencing, she calls it body sense work. I think it's in the same ball park as somatic experiencing,plus lately we have been doing some dream analysis.

The traumatic event that happened 20 years ago was my fault. I decided to take LSD. Unfortunately I had a bad trip, which was incredibly overwhelming and caused the main ptsd.

I understand the aim of this therapy is to find the frozen trauma energy and somehow release it, my question is has anyone else tried this and what does it feel like when you release some of this energy.

The reason I ask is sometimes in a session I can feel these different body sensations, such as tingling in certain parts of my body. If I feel comfortable enough I go with it.

Twice in the last few months when I have done this, it has got very overwhelming. The tingling in my body gets more intense, kind of like pins and needles. Then all of a sudden I feel like a very powerful, dangerous force or energy comes from nowhere, it is almost unbearable and my therapist has to calm me down and get me back to the present.

My question is to anyone who has done this type of therapy, does this sound like a release of this trauma energy or could it be some kind of flashback?

 

[franciemarnie]

What does your T think it is? Could she differentiate the two for you?

When I release, I always get a cold feeling in my chest and then I start shaking like a leaf. And I will get up and walk around the room while I am shaking it out, sort of instinctively expediting its release. Other aspects might be different but for me - and this is just me - I get the cold deep in the chest and start shaking.

 

[si2525]

She hasnt really elaborated. It has always happened near the end of a session. I have had a type of shaking one time in bed when I was in that kind of half asleep/half awake state

I felt a tingling feeling in my chest and decided to just observe it for a while. The next thing I knew my whole body started to shake for about 10 seconds. I believe this was a release of energy, it felt quite natural and not too intense.

 

[Hashi]

Plus it has got a bit complicated as it looks as if we have uncovered some earlier childhood trauma which I had no idea about.

I have to tell you that an LSD trip doesn't meet the criteria for a traumatic event that could cause PTSD. Childhood trauma might. The word trauma can be confusing, because there is "trauma" that affects us in various ways and there are specific types of trauma that can cause PTSD - this includes actual threat to life, sexual integrity or physical integrity.

It can happen that a later event (that in itself could not cause PTSD) can "awaken" something that happened in the past. In that case, if there's PTSD then it's the thing that happened in the past that caused PTSD, and not the later event that doesn't meet the criteria.

I think you might need to move away from focussing on your LSD experience with regards to PTSD. The childhood trauma that seems to be a complication might be the main focus. I don't know, I don't know you, but it's a possibility. At any rate, a bad LSD trip is not in the criteria for causing PTSD.

If you'd like to understand trauma and somatic therapy, I recommend the book Healing the Tiger by Peter Levine.

It sounds like you might have opened a Pandora's box, and I sympathise with you because I did too. It's important to pay a lot of attention to staying safe and grounded, and containing what comes up.

When you say your therapist does body sense work, is that like Focussing? The felt sense is covered in Peter Levine's book, by the way. Is your therapist experienced in working with trauma?

 

[si2525]

Hi,

Thanks for replying.

Regarding whether the LSD caused trauma or not in my mind is not in any doubt.

I went from being a perfectly healthy 19 year old to a shadow of myself physically and mentally within the space of about two weeks of having the trip. It took about a year to get back to what I was like before and even then...now I wasnt the same but I was just glad to get to some kind of normality and even then I didnt quite feel quite 100% or even close.

Without going into too much detail the things I felt during the trip where intense and truly overwhelming and unbearable, it had to be experienced to be understood. It was without a doubt a huge threat to my physical and mental integrity. My mind and body where under attack and I could not escape, all I could do was try to ride it out.

Every symptom I had was classic trauma symptoms, physical and mental numbness, dissociation, detachment, isolation, depression, you name it I had it. At first I thought it was to do with the LSD, maybe it had damaged my body somehow, my brain or nervous system. But I only actually took half a tab.

There is a documentary called Bad Trip to Edgewood I saw about soldiers who where given large doses of LSD to see the effect on them. It is still on you tube, basically alot of them are still suffering many years later and to me it sounds like they are suffering like me, the effects of trauma, some even took their own lives.

I have got Waking the Tiger which is a great book and you're right. I have opened a Pandora's box as I believe I have some developmental trauma from childhood which I am slowly uncovering. My therapist was trained by someone who was directly trained by peter levine

 

[Hashi]

Then all of a sudden I feel like a very powerful, dangerous force or energy comes from nowhere, it is almost unbearable and my therapist has to calm me down and get me back to the present.

I've never heard anything like this described as release of trauma energy, and it's not how I experience trauma energy release. For me it's as you describe elsewhere, shaking and feeling natural. Except the shaking was very intense. I also experienced a lot of cold, all over, especially in my feet.

What you describe here I relate to as psychic attack/psychic disturbance.

The reason I make a distinction between types of trauma is that I imagine a bad LSD trip is a psychic trauma - however real it felt it was a psychic threat rather than a physical one (the fact that it changed your sense of reality being a psychic threat in itself). There's often also an element of psychic attack during physical trauma. In one of my traumas that was a large part.

I've found somatic therapy most useful for the physical aspects rather than the psychical ones. Somatic approaches helped me with fear, including fear and energy from suppressed childhood trauma. But not so much with horror. I had to be careful about how I did things like working with the felt sense because of the horror aspects.

I think the most important thing is to discuss all this with your therapist. I would take a session to talk about it, and to review staying safe (psychologically, emotionally, psychically) and containing what comes up. It's not something to be rushed or fitted in around other things.

 

[si2525]

I had a session yesterday and I did ask if she thought what happened was a flashback or a release of this trauma energy. She couldnt say for sure. I guess its not easy for her to say as she can't experience what im feeling. We have agreed to take it very slowly when we do it again,I do feel like it was more of a flashback but it is some kind of progress.

Yesterday's session was just talking which I was happy with. I realise now that it is very easy during a session to get overwhelmed very quickly by these sensations and by then its too late. I guess its part of the learning curve. I do feel liked I've learned something from these sessions even though at the time it can be scary at the time.

The LSD trip was just as much physical as well as mental. It was probably 50/50, my body and mind felt unbearable. If anything the memories of the physical side of the trip still linger more than mental side, it has to be experienced to be understood. I was being attacked on both fronts with no means of escape if you know what I mean.

 

[LizardViolet]

Glad you're on the path to healing. I can imagine that if that huge scary overwhelming feeling comes up near the end of a session, that's bad timing and there isn't time to get anywhere near it, start working through it, anything like that. I imagine that you and your therapist will do some planning and some exploring around the edges of that thing before you have a session where you address it early on, so there's time to re-center and to close and put away whatever has been opened up so you can function until the next session.

 

[si2525]

I think when the sensations start such as the tingling I get excited that something could be happening but mixed with a bit of fear of the unknown and before I know it it has got out of control,me and my therapist agree I need to take it a little slower to stop myself getting overwhelmed

I do see it as positive though,it has shown there is this trauma that needs to be released and it is kind of fascinating to go through this process

 

[Zef]

A couple things, I agree with Hashi that the focus of your trauma experiences are probably the childhood traumas that you first saw as the bad trip on LSD. I was a bit of a psychonaut back in the day. That is how LSD works, it changes the way you see the stuff that is already in your brain. If you had a bad trip, it most likely is because of the information that was already stored in your brain. So, while the trip trauma itself has to be dealt with to get you back functioning the way you want to be, it is probably a good idea to explore the childhood trauma, too . . .but, only if you are ready to!

On the tingling and ominous feeling and shaking, sounds pretty close to my experience, however, my stuff doesn't happen as part of therapy. It generally happens as a warning that I'm about to process/remember something traumatic. It's a good thing after it happens. . .sucks while going through it though. :)